The Magic of Tootsie Rolls

My daughter, Beckie, has AD/HD. Now that she's a teenager, her primary challenges are with the executive functions (EF) like planning, organization, and working memory. She also continues to need more prompts and external rewards than her peers without EF challenges.

Beckie and her sister have been sharing a hair dryer for years. It is important to Beth, the older sister, to have the hair dryer put away after use. Beckie couldn't care less if the hair dryer gets put away, so there is little internal motivation on her part to do so. Remember, anything that requires extra steps is not popular with our kids or adults with AD/HD. Additionally, they need more frequent rewards than their "neurotypical" peers. This need often extends into adulthood.

The hair dryer wars went on for a while, with hard feelings on both sides. Since the girls were not able to work out their differences and the hostility was escalating, we met as a family to problem solve together. If something didn't change, the hair dryer wouldn't be the only thing to blow at our house. At one point in the discussion, Beth told Beckie she just needed to remember to put the hair dryer away. "After all, you are a teenager. It's not like I'm going to give you a Skittle every time you remember to put it away. You just have to make yourself do it."

When I heard Beth say that, it was a light bulb moment for me. Having recently attended a conference on Executive Functions, it was fresh in my mind how the presenters shared that many with EF struggles will continue to be externally motivated throughout their lives. Since the EF challenges continue throughout the lifespan, affected individuals also continue to need more encouragement, praise, recognition, and rewards than those without EF struggles. This explains why my husband, who regularly makes the coffee, asks me how it is sometimes before I've even taken a sip. My first thought is, "Um, it's fine. It's always fine?"

I've come to realize that my husband needs that frequent positive reinforcement because making coffee and doing other chores is not intrinsically satisfying to him. He needs to know that his efforts are appreciated. Once I understood that, and realized that my son with AD/HD is the same way, I trained myself to make a point to express thanks for even mundane, everyday things. They need that. I can easily give them that. So when Beth made the comment about Skittles, I realized that Beckie was getting no reward when she remembered to put the hair dryer away. She honestly tried to remember, but since having the hair dryer put away was meaningless to her and she is highly distractible she often forgot. Since it wasn't important to her in the first place, she experienced no internal satisfaction when she completed the task.

I devised a simple plan to help Beckie be more successful, and hopefully end the hairdryer war or at least reach a truce. Knowing that she loves Tootsie Rolls, I bought a bag of miniature Tootsie Rolls and put them in a small bowl in the bathroom. I told Beckie that every time she remembered to put the hair dryer away, she could have one Tootsie Roll. Beckie thought it was a great idea.

Now some of you are thinking, "Why should a teenager need a treat to do what she is supposed to do? Won't that just keep her dependent on external rewards?" Good questions. Here's what I think. By showing Beckie a simple way to motivate and reward herself, she is learning a strategy that she can eventually use on her own. Because her EF difficulties are likely to continue into adulthood, she absolutely needs to figure out ways to reward herself. Would it bother you as much if she were buying the Tootsie Rolls herself and using them as rewards for completing tasks? Probably not, because most of us do this in one form or another. I'm just showing Beckie an example of what she can do to keep herself motivated and on task. In the future, she will know how to do this for herself.

Asking Beckie to try to remember to do a task that was not important to her just didn't work. She meant to, intended to, sometimes did remember to, but not with adequate consistency. Now, every time she goes into the bathroom, she sees the little bowl of Tootsie Rolls. It is a visual reminder and incentive several times a day, even though she only dries her hair once a day. She is aware that one of those treats will be hers if she remembers to put the hair dryer away. Guess how many times she has forgotten to put it away since the Tootsie Roll plan has been in place? Zero! She has not forgotten to put that hair dryer away a single time, and it has been several weeks since we implemented the plan. Did this teenager benefit by an external reward system? The results would indicate an absolute YES!

The hair dryer war seems to have ended peacefully, and Beckie has had great success while learning a strategy that will serve her throughout her life. She reports that she feels she has met the challenge, although she adds with a grin that once in a while she has forgotten to take a Tootsie Roll reward.

Facial Recognition and Social Implications

Most of us have times when it's hard to recall someone's name, although we recognize the face. We readily admit, "I'm terrible with names" as a disclaimer when we first meet someone so he won't be offended in the future if his name slips out of our grasp. This difficulty with name recall is both common and understandable. Unless an individual's name makes it from our working memory into our long term memory, and pretty quickly, we are not likely to remember it in the future. For most of us, it is easier to recall the visual information and appearance of another person's face than the auditory information of a name. Sometimes we recognize someone but can't remember the context in which we met them. Church? Community activity? Friend of a friend? Because this is such a common experience, most people are pretty forgiving if we've forgotten the name but at least show recognition that we have met before. Often, there is mutual forgetfulness and the other person does not remember our names, either. No harm done.
My son, Josh, has significant working memory challenges. I realized over time that my son not only was unable to recall names, neither could he readily recall faces. He had no difficulty recognizing those of us he interacted with on a regular basis, but for those he saw infrequently he honestly had no memory or context for knowing them. It would be unsettling for him when virtual strangers (to his mind) would call him by name and initiate a conversation. Josh has never been good at faking anything, so he would genuinely ask, "Do I know you?" or "I'm sorry, but have we met?" Unfortunately, this attempt to be polite and seek clarification had negative social implications. People naturally feel hurt when others don't remember them, especially people whom they remember quite clearly and have shared past experiences. I remember a mother of one of my daughter's friends coming up to me and telling me that Josh asked who she was and she told him "I've only known you for YEARS." It was true, but months would go by in between each brief contact and Josh never transferred the information to his long-term memory so each contact was starting fresh - for him. If I told Josh who people were and when he had seen them before, it sometimes jogged a vague memory for him.
There is a name for this "face blindness", and the term is "prosopagnosia". In severe cases, individuals have difficulty recognizing their own family members, friends, and even themselves. Many people with autism, PDD, and Asperger Syndrome experience prosopagnosia. I guess Josh had a fairly mild version, and I wondered if what registered in his mind's eye was like a snapshot of faces, rather than the more dynamic version of faces changing to reflect a variety of emotions. Since Josh used to have difficulty recognizing different emotions expressed on faces, I thought maybe he only had one still picture in his mind and if it didn't match what he saw there was no recall. I don't know for sure, and Josh has improved over the years. It's too bad that there's not facial recognition software we could install in our brains to help us make the connections. I have worked with many children with autism who focus on part of something rather than seeing the whole. If this happens when a child looks at a face, he may see just the nose, or only the mouth, and not how those parts comprise a face. I have had children stare at an object I've held in front of my face, without recognizing that there was a person holding the object. If a face is viewed as individual component parts without seeing the whole, that face is not likely to be recognized in the future.
For our verbal children with the language skills to express themselves, we can teach them strategies to ease the social tension. Having someone admit "I know lots of people have trouble remembering names, but I even have trouble remembering faces sometimes" may prepare others in advance so they won't be offended or surprised when they have to reintroduce themselves. For our nonverbal or less verbal children, we can advocate for them by explaining the challenges of prosopagnosia and reassure others that it is not a personal slight when our children don't acknowledge them with recognition. My hope is that when we explain that there is a neurological glitch, others will be more flexible and accepting and won't misinterpret our struggling learner's behaviors in a negative way.

Please Try Again

Sometimes companies use the marketing strategy of offering the possibility, in addition to enjoying their fine products, of actually winning additional prizes. The prize offerings are often in the form of financial winnings, but may include the lure of exotic vacations or new cars. I don't buy products just because they offer the potential for prizes, but if it's something I would buy anyway I certainly take the time to read the bottle top, box flap, or inside the bag to see if I've won anything. (So far, nothing, but I'm only middle-aged so I guess it could still happen!) Usually, my message reads something like, "Please try again" or "There are many chances to win" (insert here, but you probably won't) so...please try again. It doesn't surprise me when I don't win, since the odds are against it and it's not like I'm trying day after day to strive for a prize. One day, though, I was feeling a little discouraged and opened a wrapper without realizing it was one of those "might win a prize" wrappers. When I read, "SORRY YOU DIDN'T WIN!" it was like an unexpected dig. "Wait a minute!" I cried out in my mind. "I wasn't even trying to win that time!" In my discouragement the message translated into "SORRY YOU ARE A LOSER! AGAIN! AND PROBABLY ALWAYS WILL BE!" Gee, and I just wanted a little treat.

I started thinking about the messages we communicate, and how our struggling learners might be translating them. I might say, "That was a good try" and my child might mentally translate that into, "I did it wrong again". I can see how easily my own perfectionist tendencies might be perceived by my children as "Nothing is ever quite good enough." I can say, "Let's keep working on this" and "Work hard and do your best", but depending on the child's temperament and interpretation of my tone of voice it might be perceived as criticism rather than encouragement. For most of us, we can shrug off those "You are a loser" messages and get on with life. For those with learning disabilities who struggle, day after day, with tasks that are unavoidable and reoccurring, it is harder to ignore and resist that message. Day after day, they struggle to complete work. A math fact or phonics rule they "knew" yesterday eludes them today. They do not know why, they cannot explain it, yet they experience the frustration of having material seemingly evaporate before they can nail it down. So they start the learning process over, or repeat work that in their minds they believe they should already know. They notice that other people seem to have it much easier, and even when no one else says it they draw the conclusion "I am not a winner". Every day, it's like they are opening the wrapper or bottle to see if today they will be a winner. Over time, resignation sets in along with the belief that winning is for someone else.

There are no easy answers here. I have no quick fix to offer, or sure-fire rapid remedy to make your child feel like a winner. Every child is different, as are teachers, parents and families. What I can offer is more of a life strategy, a paradigm shift that views struggles as a part of life. I shared my own struggles with my children (at age-appropriate levels) and taught them that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Some are more visible than others, but the fact is that we all need others who are strong where we are weak. Likewise, we all have something to offer. I believe that beyond a shadow of a doubt, and I shared that belief over and over with my children. I made it a point to focus on the whole child, not just the academic areas and disabilities and differences. Despite the diagnosis, I would not allow my children to use it as an excuse for not developing good character traits or not doing as much as they were able to. Are some things harder for you than others? Do you sometimes feel like you are a loser? Sure. Does that feeling make it true? Absolutely not. Speak the truth to your children, boldly and repeatedly. Say it out loud so they can hear your own mental battle resolve. It might sound something like this: "I sure have a hard time doing this, and other people make it look easy. Sometimes I feel like a loser. But you know what? I'm not! Even though I might feel like a loser, I know I have a lot to offer. Nobody is good at everything and I'm not, either. But that doesn't make me a loser." By talking it through, your children are learning from you. They will see how you acknowledge an emotion and tackle a thought that is not healthy or true. Over time, they will learn how to battle the "I am a loser" notion with the truth that they are individuals with great worth and value in many ways. Next time you get the message "SORRY YOU DIDN'T WIN!" think about translating that into a message that reflects gratitude and appreciation for all you have to offer. Be resilient and teach your children to be resilient. Don't fall for the "You are a loser" message. The next time you are faced with a challenge, "Please Try Again", because there truly are many chances to win.

Special Needs Expenses and Help

Having a child with special needs and learning struggles can put a strain on your budget. There are so many expenses with doctor's visits, therapy, tutoring, specialists, and medications that the overall cost is overwhelming. As a speech/language pathologist and homeschooler, I could address some of my children's needs on my own. I was a speech therapist before I became a mother, and felt blessed that I had an education background as I navigated the paths to finding help for my children's struggles. It helped that I could do the speech therapy myself, but I still needed resources to help with the other diagnosis and treatment for identified areas of need. I relied heavily on input from my occupational therapy friends (thank you, Amy!) and had weekly visits to a psychologist for over three years. Actually, my child had the visits but there were times when I could have used more help for my own struggles as his mother! I took my two AD/HD children to social groups, parent-child programs, group activities, and more. There was a significant financial expense as well as a personal cost since I almost always had to be in fairly close proximity to help them be successful and to train and advocate with others who worked with them. My husband has always been supportive, but does not have the special needs background that I do and I was the one doing the homeschooling. As such, my husband just saw all the bills come in for all the interventions and programs we tried. We've never had money just to throw around and I wanted to be responsible with our family resources and have something to show for my efforts. Yet I'll admit, even when I heard about treatments that sounded too good to be true, my heart still had a burst of hope wondering if it might actually be THE thing that changed our lives for the better. What kind of mom would I be if I didn't at least give some consideration to something that might make a huge difference in my children's lives and ease their struggles a bit? Some of the more outrageous proposals I was able to talk myself out of attempting, but there were others I explored more thoroughly. Some were rather expensive explorations with minimal or no returns, and I try not to think of what I could have done with that money had I not fallen for the marketing strategies and testimonials that sucked me in. Still, I have to say that as a parent desperate to find and do anything to help my children, I would have had more regrets had I not at least given some things a try.
Even if you have insurance, it may not cover all the therapy sessions your child needs or the other medical expenses you incur. Here's what I have learned over the years:
1. Most medical professionals will work with you on financing. If you are self-employed or uninsured, sometimes they will agree to charge a lower rate than what the insurance companies are charged. Talk to the billing department and tell them how much you can afford to pay each month. If you are at least making monthly payments, you are much less likely to have your bill turned over to a collection agency.
2. Some agencies (like those with United Way) have sliding fee scales based on ability to pay. You have to share what your income is and how many are in your family and so on, but you may be able to afford therapy that otherwise would not be available to your child.
3. Check with your local school district, even if you are homeschooling, if you feel comfortable in doing so. Some schools will provide therapy and other supports even to homeschooled students. It varies from district to district, and I always recommend checking with Home School Legal Defense Association (www.HSLDA.org) prior to contacting your local school district. HSLDA members can speak with their region's special needs coordinator for additional suggestions, including homeschool-friendly specialists and consultants in their area.
4. If you personally know someone who is trained in an area that your child needs help, think about an exchange of services. What do you have to barter with? I saw a friend's child for speech therapy in exchange for her watching my children for a few hours now and then. It was worth it for both of us! More recently, I had two friends with sons in need of some speech therapy. I tried to persuade them to drive with my daughter (who has her permit and needs more hours of practice before getting her license) in exchange for speech therapy. They didn't go for the idea, but because they were friends I saw their sons anyway. Try not to take advantage of your friend with professional training, but instead think of something that won't bust your budget that you could offer in exchange for their professional expertise. They should be able to give you ideas and show you how to implement strategies at home.
5. I don't have personal experience with this organization, but I came across this website some time back and thought it might be helpful for a family feeling buried under medical bills with ongoing expenses and no end in sight. It's called "NeedyMeds" and has information on medicine and healthcare assistance programs. There is more information on the website www.NeedyMeds.org and if you are a low income family or are uninsured or under-insured this organization may be of help.

Crossing Midline

If you've had a child in speech, occupational, or physical therapy you may have heard about the importance of "crossing midline". When my children were younger, I heard from therapists that it was very important for babies to spend time on their tummies. In addition to helping the brain make connections as the child views things from different perspectives, changes in positioning provides different proprioceptive and vestibular input. Being on the tummy encourages a child to push up with her arms, which strengthens the upper body muscles. This is important for a growing child so she can develop the muscle tone and strength needed to reach over her head or move the arms outward and across the body with a good range of motion. Without such development, the child will have difficulty sustaining a physical posture or repeating motions without rapidly fatiguing. Therapists also work on helping a child to "cross midline" in a number of ways. When a child can reach her right hand across to the left side of her body and vice versa, she is crossing her midline with her arms. In addition to these large movements, a child crosses midline when reading as her eyes move from one side of the page to another without moving her entire head as she reads. The tongue crosses midline as it moves food from side to side to position the food onto the molars for chewing. When any of these activities occur, information is transferred from one brain hemisphere across the corpus callosum to the other brain hemisphere. The corpus callosum is a fibrous band between the two hemispheres and allows for the exchange of information between the right and left hemispheres of the brain. This side-to-side sharing of information is important for fluency in processing and acting on information received. When information is not readily crossing from one side of the brain to the other, there is usually a learning glitch or struggle. In the picture above, you can see that this child tended to paint in the same area, primarily on the right side of the paper. This same child, when the paint utensil was placed in his left hand, painted primarily on the left side of the page. This was just one indication that he was not readily crossing midline and might need some help to develop in that area. One of my favorite resources for addressing this and other brain processing issues is the book Brain Gym. It provides descriptions and illustrations of simple exercises that promote crossing midline, increasing alertness, improving handwriting, readiness for reading, and more. The exercises can be done by both children and adults in just a few minutes prior to a specific task. I have used the "brain buttons" and other exercises from Brain Gym to increase my alertness when feeling the fatiguing effects of a long car trip. With my AD/HD children, I had them do some exercises between school assignments to ready their brains and bodies for focused attention to the task at hand. Such simple exercises are easily implemented and help the brain develop pathways across the midline of the brain, resulting in more efficient processing and learning.

Social Skills and Proximity Friends

My son, Josh, is an introvert. In many ways, this is a blessing. It means that he’s not necessarily lonely just because he is alone. He is comfortable being with himself, and by himself. He also likes people, and enjoys spending time with them. It’s just that socializing is not a pressing need for Josh, and it drains his energy after awhile. From a very early age, Josh struggled with social nuances. He didn’t feel the need to make eye contact, and his facial expressions often gave no clue as to what he was thinking or feeling. He had to work to learn to read body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, etc. It did not come naturally for him, and the effort he exerted often yielded small returns. Here is just a glimpse of what he experienced as he grew up.

Imagine trying to say the right thing, and using the correct words, but still being rejected because somehow you said it wrong and offended someone. Imagine going up to a group of children and asking if you can play with them, only to have them ignore you and run away to play with each other. Then watch as within moments another child approaches the group and is instantly included in their play. You don’t know what you did wrong. You tried to do as you had been taught. You realize that somehow others know things about interacting and making friends that you don’t know, and these secret rules are frustratingly out of reach. How should you proceed? An adult shows interest in you and says you are friends, so you invite her over to play and she gives you an odd look and goes to talk to your Mom. Other adults seem to do that a lot, and Mom just looks sad and kind of baffled. Doing what came naturally to you didn’t work. Using the social skills you rehearsed and practiced with your Mom didn’t work. Your Mom seems to be the only real friend you have, and while you’re appreciative it’s still hard not having friends your own age. Real friends, not like the forced ones in the group your parents have to pay for you to attend, with other kids who don’t really get the unwritten rules of social skills any better than you do. You want friends, so you try and try again. You’d like to think of yourself as optimistic and resilient, but others view you as a pest who can’t take a hint. What hint? They never actually came out and said anything, so how are you supposed to know what you are doing that bothers them? Or maybe it’s something you are not doing, that they think you should be doing. It’s all so confusing. People say you are too blunt, but you say things as you see them and are truthful. Others talk around the point, but never just come out with it. Maybe they don’t want to hurt your feelings, but it hurts more when things build up and you don’t even realize it until it’s too late and you’ve lost another potential friend and truly don’t understand what went wrong. Sure, you have proximity friends. Those people who say hi to you and ask how you are. By now you’ve learned they don’t really want to know how you are so you just tell them “fine”. That’s how people do it, right?

You join a small group of other guys at your church, thinking the smaller group might help you actually develop relationships. You care about these guys. But although they spend time with each other throughout the week, you are rarely invited to join them. You plan something at your house and invite them, but they all have excuses why they can’t make it. You’ve been told you are intelligent, kind, caring, and creative. But somehow a “weird” or “quirky” vibe seems to trump all that. Gradually you come to accept that the true friendships you develop will be rare, and you will treasure them at a deeper level than those for whom relationships come easily. You will enjoy your proximity friends during those brief interludes when your paths cross. You will continue to make attempts at speaking the social language of those around you. It will always be something of a mystery to you, why some reject you and others will be friends. You learn to appreciate the friends without having to understand the reasons why.

You have a lot to offer.

Some people allow you to show just how much.

Homeschooling the Challenging Child

This is an interview with Christine Field, author of Homeschooling the Challenging Child. Christine has wisdom and experience that she shares freely to help those who are facing learning and behavioral challenges with their children. Though years may pass between our meetings, it is always wonderful to reconnect with Christine. We were able to grab a few minutes during a recent conference to do this video interview. You can see Christine's book here: Homeschooling the Challenging Child
I hope that you enjoy the interview, and I encourage you to visit Christine's web site for more resources at www.homefieldadvantage.org

-Melinda L. Boring

Visual Skills - Beyond Visual Acuity

When a child struggles with school work, one of the first recommendations I make is to have an evaluation completed by a developmental optometrist. A child can have 20/20 vision, which means that her visual acuity is within a normal range. Yet some children with good visual acuity may not have good vision skills for other visual processing tasks. "Eyesight" is not the same as "vision". In my son Josh's case, his eyesight was excellent. But when I had him evaluated by a developmental optometrist at age 6, I found out that he had difficulty with some visual processing tasks. First, the optometrist confirmed for me that Josh was colorblind. I had suspected that, since my brother is also colorblind and I had noticed some indications that Josh might be as well, but the simple test done in the eye doctor's office made it official. Second, and to me this was even more important because I hadn't noticed any indication of difficulty, the doctor was able to assess many aspects of Josh's visual processing abilities and revealed that Josh's eyes were not working optimally to complete vision tasks. Josh was unable to sustain focus at a set distance without quickly fatiguing during the task. I watched the examination with fascination, as the doctor held the stimulus in front of Josh's eyes with the instruction "Tell me when this starts to get fuzzy." After three trials, with Josh's response coming sooner each time, it was clear he was having a hard time with this particular task. I had no idea that Josh was having trouble seeing clearly when items were fairly close to him. This information was hugely important for me to be aware of, since at age 6 Josh was beginning to do more up-close academic work during homeschooling with writing and various workbooks. I had also been spending time each day working with Josh on his reading skills while unbeknownst to me, the words were going out of focus while Josh was just learning to decipher print. Josh, of course, didn't know that what he was experiencing was any different than what others experience so he had no reason to try and tell me what he was going through with the various visual activities we engaged in each day. Josh's visual processing difficulty was significant, though fairly mild when compared to some of the visual processing challenges children can experience. Josh was prescribed glasses to wear only for school tasks requiring close-up work. Within a year, Josh's struggles with vision tasks had resolved and he no longer needed glasses. Other students who struggle with visual processing skills may need to practice exercises designed to help them develop their vision so that both eyes are working together efficiently. If a child has undiagnosed vision problems, he may present as inattentive, hyperactive, fidgety, unmotivated, and more. Think about it. If you are trying to read and the letters appear to be wiggling around on the page or go out of focus while you are trying to decode them, you might become a reluctant learner. Some of our children don't stay in their seats and seem to have a short attention span, which makes perfect sense if we are asking them to do something that is beyond challenging for them. Yet they don't realize that their experience is different than others' so they have no way of telling us what is going on with their vision. Would you enjoy reading if you couldn't sustain visual tracking across a line of print and instead picked up words above and below what you were trying to read? If reading is that difficult, it is not pleasurable and someone who experiences those types of vision challenges is not likely to choose to read for enjoyment and may become quite resistant for tasks that prove so frustrating time and time again. Some of our students do not do well with academic tasks, and it's important to be aware that they may be capable of understanding the material but struggles with vision may hinder them. A developmental optometrist can do a full battery of tests and provide precise information on what vision struggles, if any, are impacting a child's ability to function in accordance with her ability. They can offer treatment suggestions and strategies to address any areas of deficits in the visual realm. Heads Up offers two books that are packed with ideas for working on vision skills at home for additional practice. Seeing Clearly offers checklists and activities to help children and even adults improve visual skills. Developing Your Child for Success offers information and activities for young children (beginning around age 4 years) to work on vision skills needed for reading, writing, eye-hand coordination and more. I never would have known just by looking at Josh that he had any difficulty with his vision. I could easily have drawn the wrong conclusion about him and lowered my expectations as a result. I am so grateful that I had him evaluated and that his vision problem was identified and treated. Josh had several other learning challenges, but at least we could eliminate one of the many hurdles in his path.

Be The Match!

I am both excited and nervous when I think about finding a match "out there". Once I send in my information and it is put on file, anybody looking for someone like me could find it. It might happen soon, or there might not ever be anybody out there who is a match for me. I have to be ready at any time to respond to my potential match. I can't control if and when things might happen. But if it does, I know it will be worth it and I will be ready at the right time. Let me explain.

For those of you who know me personally, try to stop freaking out now. I am NOT leaving my husband of 25 years. Scott and I are doing fine. I'm talking about "Be The Match", the National Marrow Donor Program. I work with medically fragile children. I have friends and relatives who have gone through serious illnesses. I have heard stories of people struggling with health issues, and I've often wished I could do something more to help them. The Be The Match program allows me to be available in a way that could be life changing. Signing up is easy and straightforward. Just go to this site: http://www.marrow.org/ and read the information. If you decide to join the registry you simply fill out some information on line. Then, if you qualify to be a potential donor, you will be sent a kit and further information. Once the kit arrives, just follow the directions, do the cheek swabs and mail the completed kit back. Your kit will be processed and you will be added to the donor registry. If you are matched for a donation, the doctor will decide which of two different procedures to do. From what I read, it seems that the discomfort is minimal and the recovery time is brief. It seems like a small sacrifice when there is the possibility of saving a life.

If your health is good and the desire to make a meaningful difference in this way appeals to you, I encourage you to consider joining the registry. Even with the millions of people who are already part of the registry, there are still many people who are unable to find a match. You might be the one among millions who could be an answer to prayer.

Tickle My Back, Mom!

My youngest child, Beckie, has always been cuddly and affectionate. As a newborn, she quieted as soon as I picked her up and held her cheek next to mine. I thought she recognized my voice, but it was the skin-to skin contact at least as much as my words to her that seemed to calm her. As she grew, I noticed that when others picked her up her little hands immediately started fingering the material of the holder's clothing. She gently explored the feel of earrings, necklaces, scarves, and even daddy's whiskers. At age three, I took her with me to a craft show. Knowing how she loved to touch different textures, before we went in to the show I reminded her to look with her eyes and not her hands. She looked both sad and surprised as she protested, "But Mommy, to look IS to touch." Those were her exact words, and it confirmed that I had a very tactile learner and that I needed to allow her to touch some of the items that caught her interest. I ended up telling her that if she saw something she wanted to feel, she could ask me first and I would find out from the vendor if Beckie could touch the objects to see how they felt in her hand. As she grew older still, I heard the same request every day during our homeschool time when I was reading to the children: "Tickle my back, Mom!" If you are familiar with sensory integration (AKA sensory processing), you know that tickling can be aversive and irritating to some children. In Beckie's case, she was sensory seeking and had lower registration for tactile input so the tickling was alerting to her. When she is just listening and not actively moving, it is hard for her to focus. Her AD/HD leads her into daydreaming and distractions. She recognized this about herself, and one strategy she found that seemed to help was to have her back tickled. The light touch was enough to help her stay alert and focus on listening to what I was reading. I became adept at one-hand holding or propping a book, depending on the size of the book, and using my other hand to trace lightly over Beckie's back. I tried using a wooden backscratcher once, but that didn't have the same effect for Beckie. I tried a backscratcher with metal scratchers, but that was also not acceptable to Beckie. When I became too absorbed by what I was reading or needed a drink of water and would thus cease the tickling, Beckie noticed immediately and either wiggled against me to prompt me back to task or grabbed my hand and placed it where it clearly belonged - on her back again! Sensory input can be calming or alerting, and each individual's response to input varies. Often, as in Beckie's case, our children show us over and over what they need and what works for them. Be observant and sensitive to individual differences, and take advantage of the strategies that work.

Right Brain Learners

The "right brain" learners tend to see the big picture and don't focus on all the details. These are the students who take a more gestalt approach to learning. With my right brain learners, I've found that they are satisfied if they just get the gist, and "close enough" is good enough for them. I may have been a bit too successful in not passing along my own perfectionist tendencies! I am also a "left brain" learner, preferring to do things in a logical sequence with attention to detail. This video is a reenactment of part of a geography lesson I did with my daughter, Beckie, who is definitely presenting as a right brain learner. I hope you enjoy this clip of "right" meets "left" during our homeschooling moments. For more ideas about working with your "right brain" and "left brain" learners, see my workshop "Adapting Curriculum for Learning Differences".

Inexpensive Game You Can Make

Today I want to share an idea with you for an inexpensive game that you can make using simple household items. The inspiration for this game was a young boy I am working with to develop simple turn-taking skills. I wanted to begin by teaching him a short, simple game like Tic-Tac-Toe, but his fine motor skills aren't yet developed enough for him to make the marks on a page without great effort. I wanted the game to be fun and easy for him to play so he would stay engaged in the learning activity. My young friend does better with 3-D manipulatives at this stage of development, so I took an empty cardboard egg carton and cut it to the size I wanted. That left me with a perfect grid for Tic-Tac-Toe as you can see in the picture above. Next, I gathered up blocks in two different colors so we could use those instead of writing X's and O's. I removed the label from an empty frosting can and washed it clean so I could store the blocks in it. The child and I took turns placing a block in one of the egg cup spots, working to get three in a row. The game is more visually appealing to the young child, and it's easy to show when there are three blocks of the same color in a row. It also offers some tactile input for the hands-on learner, and removes the demand of writing for the child with fine motor difficulties. If you don't have blocks, you could substitute two different colors of another object such as milk caps or pom-poms. Just find something that will fit within the egg carton space and that is available in two colors, and you are set to go.

For some children, this game can be used to focus on taking turns without the added task of learning the rules for Tic-Tac-Toe. In that case, you don't even need to sort manipulatives by color since you just need objects that are small enough to fit in the egg carton compartments. The simple back and forth of placing items might be a starting point for some children who have difficulty sustaining attention and interacting with others. For children on the autism spectrum, this is one more way to work on extending interactions and giving a sense of task completion.

In addition to using this game to teach Tic-Tac-Toe and turn-taking, you could use it as a reinforcer. Each time the child completes a task, they could put a block in the egg carton. Another idea is to put a number of blocks in the egg carton to represent tasks the child is asked to do, and remove one block each time another task is completed. When the carton is empty, it's break time. Put some non-skid shelf liner under the carton to stabilize it so it doesn't slip around too much. For children with fine motor challenges, I've used Velcro on the bottom of each egg cup and stuck the egg carton onto strips of Velcro on a plastic cafeteria tray so the egg carton stays put while the child works with it.

There you go! An easy and inexpensive game that can be used multiple ways and made with items you probably already have on hand! Have fun!

Colored Overlays for Reading

I presented several workshops at the Indiana Association of Home Educators and mentioned that some people find it easier to read when they use a colored overlay. For those with Irlen Syndrome, formerly known as scotopic sensitivity syndrome, having colored lenses or overlays can help a struggling reader read more easily. For more information about symptoms, self tests, and treatment go to www.Irlen.com. I am not trained in the Irlen Method, but have used colored overlays with my children to help them focus and manage printed information. A mom who attended one of my workshops decided to try a blue Heads Up reader with her son, a struggling reader. She has given her permission to share their experience here:

I was at your workshop yesterday and I was amazed at how you were speaking of my son! Almost everything you said described my 11 year old, Avery. I know he's dyslexic but he has not been technically diagnosed. Well, to make this quick...He has trouble concentrating when he's reading, it takes a long time and he starts daydreaming. I bought a blue Heads Up reader. I never believed in magic wands until last night. I gave it to him and said, "Here, put this on the page." His face lit up, he exclaimed, "That's awesome!" and he started reading a pleasure book I bought for him at the conference. He was up early this morning and read for 2 hours straight using his, as he named it, Avery Focus Helper.
Thank you for your ministry and for all of the great information you gave yesterday. I feel much more empowered to help my son reach his full potential!

Here is her follow-up one day later:

p.s. He's still reading, even to and from church today with his little AFH.


Very exciting! I love hearing stories like this and knowing that a low-tech solution can make such a difference in a child's life. As someone who loves to read, I am thrilled for Avery who is just beginning to discover that reading can be fun.

See you in Indianapolis!

I will be heading to Indianapolis tomorrow to speak at a homeschooling conference. My Heads Up crew (Scott and Josh) will be with me to man the booth in the vendor hall. I'm looking forward to seeing some old friends and meeting some new ones. Hope to see some of you there! I will be presenting these workshops:

1. Helping the Distractible Child Part 1 - (preschool through elementary)
2. Helping the Distractible Child Part 2 - (middle school through young adult)
3. Adapting Curriculum For Learning Differences
4. Developing Receptive and Expressive Language Skills

Get Back Up and Don't Give Up

Years ago I convinced my brother to go skiing with me. I had been skiing once prior to this, and I never made it off the easiest slope known as the "bunny hill". The easier slopes provide a rope tow up the hill rather than the chair lifts used by more advanced skiers. I shared all my skiing knowledge with my brother, which took at least two minutes, then set him free to practice his new skills. As I was holding the rope tow on my way to the top of the slope again, I saw my brother about half way down the hill. As I watched, he wiped out and just flopped onto the ground. Then I noticed he wasn't moving. In my mind, I became his rescuer. With my novice skiing skills, I pictured myself as a keg-toting Saint Bernard braving the winter cold to get to the victim of a mishap, but I was determined to reach my brother as quick as my wobbly legs and skis could carry me. I zoomed (only in my mind) down the hill toward him, and just as he managed to push himself into a crouching stand I plowed him over and took us both several feet further down the hill. Ta-dah! Have you ever been "helped" like that? Someone with good intentions directed your way but leaving you feeling bowled over? I've felt like that during some of my homeschooling challenges. I've met people who seem to find me normal enough until they find out I'm a homeschooler. At this point they helpfully question my competency and qualifications while providing me with an extensive list of topics that I must cover or my children will be permanent outcasts from educated society. This exchange concludes as I am trying to figure out which concern to respond to first and they slowly back away, shaking their heads and murmuring that they could NEVER homeschool their children. "I can't either!" the small voice in my head replies. "What am I thinking?" Plowed over again. Other times the challenges come from my own homeschool students. I may think I have a lesson plan so exciting that even my struggling learners will flow right along with the lesson and beg for more. In my enthusiasm, I might be several minutes into an activity before I become fully aware of the blank stares of my children. Why, they actually look...(gasp!) bored with my incredibly thought out and creative lesson designed specifically to promote their love of learning. But they don't love it! Plowed over again. When something or someone knocks you flat, get back up and don't give up. Just as my brother cautiously got to his feet again and continued to conquer the "bunny hill" slope, and as I carefully avoided knocking him off the slope, you can't let setbacks define you. A face plant in the snow is rough. Being re-planted by a circumstance or by someone "helping" you is also rough. But staying down is not the place to be. Rest a bit if you need to, before picking yourself up. Just don't stay down so long that you get frostbite. No matter how many times it takes, get back up again. It will be so much better than remaining in a plowed over position. It will be worth it. I promise.

Like a Gazelle Through the Mess

Many people with AD/HD and learning challenges also struggle with organizing their possessions. Add to that the difficulty with time management that often accompanies disorganization, and the result can be extreme clutter and cringe-inducing messes. Unfortunately for those of us who like to have things neat and orderly, the cringing is usually emanating from us, not those who created the clutter fest. Another unfortunate fact is that the organizing strategies used by those who are naturally organized do not typically work for those who tend to be clutterbugs. (I think I made up a word there, but if you are one or live with a "clutterbug" you'll know what I mean.) Because the messes and the clutter bothers me, I have spent a great deal of time trying various strategies to conquer the piles and bring order (and may I add, inner peace for me) to my surroundings. My ways do not work for my family. I have tried methods that made no sense to me, but promise to work for the naturally disorganized - but they, too, have failed. My daughter has a very messy and cluttered room, but she does not struggle with it because it genuinely doesn't faze her. Once I pointed out that she should at least have a clear path to her bed instead of a few cleared off patches on the floor. "Doesn't it bother you to be surrounded by all the mess?" I asked her, trying not to appear as appalled as I felt. Her reply was "No, not at all! I just leap like a gazelle through the mess to get to my bed." She said this quite proudly, as gazelles are truly admirable in their graceful maneuvers and Beckie is truly athletic and probably capable of some gazelle-like moves. I couldn't think of anything to say at that point, so I withdrew to regroup and try again another day. My husband, Scott, also tends toward cluttering things up and not noticing them so his solution is to wait until things get really bad and then grab a trash bag and start stuffing things into it. While the initial result is less clutter, it is followed by weeping and gnashing of teeth when the kids find their prized possessions mixed in with trash. Not to mention they are even less likely to sort through a trash bag than things that are out in the open in their rooms. My son, Josh, who has the most severe AD/HD in my family, has been the one to conquer his disorganization with the greatest degree of success. His room is the neatest of the three children's rooms. He figured out what works for him, and now he is the one taking up the challenge of helping Beckie. I am standing aside and letting Josh work with Beckie on this. I'm hopeful that she can still be like a gazelle without all the mess and clutter.

I'm weird, you're weird, we're all weird now!

Today's blog post is by a guest blogger. My daughter, Beth, is a special education major and shares her experience with a young friend who has Asperger Syndrome.

I am notorious at reading too deeply into simple statements, but this struck me as profound.

I was baby-sitting for a near and dear family for me. Upon returning from a short bike ride to drop off the younger of two brothers to soccer practice, the older brother and I had an extremely brief conversation. It went something like this:

M: *mumbles something about himself being a "stupid-dumb head"*
Beth: Hey, I don't like the sounds of that. You are not a stupid-dumb head!
M: I know, sometimes I say things like that.
Beth: Well, I don't like those words. They aren't true. And I bet your mom doesn't like them either.
M: She doesn't mind.
Beth: If I mentioned to her that you said that, would she be sad?
M: Don't mention it to her, okay? It doesn't mean anything. You don't have to mention it.
Beth: I just don't want you to say those things about yourself. I like your head. I want you to like your head too!
M: Okay... I'm just weird.
Beth: Oh?
M: Yeah. I'm weird. You're weird too. Everyone is weird!
Beth: Yeah, but you know what? Being weird rocks. Let's scream it.. ready? 1, 2, 3-
M & Beth: BEING WEIRD ROCKS!!

What makes this profound is my buddy in this story has Asperger's syndrome. He is a quirky boy, and fitting in isn't always easy. However, strides have been made, society has come a long way. Self-confidence and self-love is a rare find in individuals such as these, and it warms my heart to know that these kinds of children can proudly scream "Being weird rocks!" in place of being a "stupid-dumb head." Having a difference can be isolating, and it's encouraging to know that not only can people cope with this, they can be proud of their differences too.

We still have so far to go, though. However, I do think it's important to celebrate these small steps, for they are significant.

Sensory Issue: He's sniffing EVERYTHING!

A friend contacted me recently to ask for some suggestions for helping her son. He is on the autism spectrum and recently has started sniffing all kinds of things, even dropping to all fours to sniff the floor at Wal-Mart and stopping to sniff at light poles. This behavior is especially embarrassing to his siblings. My friend asked her son to stop sniffing things and he told her he can't. She came to me to see if I could suggest something inexpensive to try with her son. Here is an excerpt from my reply to her:
You are both right - he needs to stop the gross/embarrassing behavior, and...he can't. I always try to think about how every behavior, no matter how quirky, is meeting some kind of need. We do things that are somehow rewarding to us. With that in mind, you can't just tell a child to stop smelling objects because something in his brain is telling him to do those things. But in your family, in our society, those things will never be acceptable. So you have to try to come up with something that meets those sensory needs and is also an acceptable behavior. Some of the solutions might still be considered "quirky", but there are degrees of quirky and some are easier to take than others. For the sniffing, try soaking a cotton ball in something with a distinct smell and keep it in a snack-size ziploc bag for portability and easy access. You might want to have several separate bags with different smells, and when your son feels the urge to smell something you can redirect him to one of the cotton balls. (Ideas include: cologne, coffee, air freshener, extracts - peppermint, lemon, cinnamon.) You know what smells your child can handle and what ones might set him off, so you choose what works for you. If you discover a favorite scent, you could apply it to a handkerchief or piece of material that he can keep in a pocket and pull out to sniff as needed.
My friend decided to try various aromas on cotton balls and used a large pill case to house each scent separately. The pictures above show her solution, and here's what she says about it.

I bought a pill holder and put cottonballs scented with different things inside each of the seven compartments.
Now, whenever my son has the urge to sniff, he can grab that, open one, and smell away. I used vanilla flavoring, coconut, perfume, lotion....anything that had a strong smell and I tried to find some different from each other. Still quirky, yes....especially in public...but way less quirky than dropping to all fours and smelling a floor in public.

Adult AD/HD Regulating Alertness

One of the things that always puzzled me when my son Josh was younger was how he tended to be extreme in his degrees of alertness. He was very hyperactive much of the time, but when I managed to get him to sit down at the table or on the couch to do school work he became downright lethargic. He'd go from spinning around like the Looney Tune Tasmanian Devil one minute to propping his head on his hand and looking groggy the next. It's as if he couldn't regulate himself to anything in between the two extremes. Now Josh is a young adult, and his AD/HD sister is in her late teens and I see the same issue of regulating attention manifesting in a slightly different way. My AD/HD husband Scott, my son, and my daughter all tend to fall asleep if they are sitting still listening to a lecture. Keep in mind they are not sleep deprived, so I don't think lack of sleep is what's causing it. Every single week in church, they are fine during the music portion of the service. They are fully awake during the meet-and-greet time. But once the sermon begins and they are sitting still and quiet, they close their eyes and fade away. At first I thought it only happened at church, but that's not the case. It happens any time they are required to sit quietly in one spot and just listen. I recently attended a meeting with Scott and Josh to hear a speaker discussing issues that affect adults with AD/HD. In a room with about 20 people, I looked around and saw that only Josh and Scott were in the "I'm not sleeping but my eyes are closed and I LOOK like I'm sleeping" state. So I wonder if this is something many adults with AD/HD struggle with, or if my family's manifestation is somehow unique. When Josh has a fidget ball with him, he is better able to regulate himself and stay awake and alert. When Scott takes notes, it helps him focus. When Beckie doodles, she attends better to what is being said. Yet if none of these strategies are implemented in time, they drift away and miss many points from the presentation being offered to them. They need to plan to use the strategies prior to finding themselves in an attention-challenging situation, but planning does not come naturally for them. By the time the need for a strategy becomes clear they may already be drifting away.

Clark Lawrence

I know this is a very late announcement, but Clark Lawrence will be speaking at the CHADD of Columbus meeting tomorrow, January 24, 2009 at 2:00 in Gahanna, Ohio. His topic will be “Developing a Positive ADD Lifestyle”. Clark is Director of the Executive Function Center in Cincinnati, Ohio.

A discription of his topic:

Positively addressing adult ADD requires more than working on the problem areas (goal-setting, procrastination, etc); people with ADD also need to adopt a lifestyle that works with their ADD to overcome its effects -­ as opposed to continually working against their ADD. This talk will address the lifestyle problems of people with ADD and offer a vision and techniques to create a positive ADD lifestyle

The meeting is being held at Mifflin Presbyterian Church, 123 Granville St., Gahanna, OH 43230

Melinda had the opportunity to interview Dr Lawrence at the 2009 CHADD conference in Cleveland, Oh. Here is the interview.

Homeschool Pumpkin Bread Recipe

This cold time of year reminds me of a time, many years ago, when we had an ice storm here in Ohio. Like many homeschoolers, I like to take advantage of natural events and find ways to incorporate learning into daily activities. So on this particularly icy morning, I went out into the yard and found a stick that was thickly coated in ice. I took it inside and showed it to the children, who were fascinated with seeing the stick that now looked similar to an icicle. We set it in a bowl so we could observe it and see how long it took for the ice to melt. With AD/HD children, simply waiting for ice to melt would be torturous. So we needed to do other things and periodically check in on our stick. We started a cooking activity to make pumpkin bread. I wanted the kids to be actively involved and thought it would be good if they learned some skills and practiced mixing, adding eggs, etc. When it was my son Josh's turn to add an egg, he managed to crack it but somehow the egg ended up on the floor. Amazingly, the yolk stayed intact. After examining it, I invited Josh to poke the yellow part of the egg with his finger to see what would happen. How could I forget in that moment that my son had sensory aversion issues with such textures? He reminded me by quickly putting his hands behind his back and leaning away from the egg. Then he came up with a solution that would satisfy his curiosity about what would happen if the egg were prodded as well as protect his fingers from a slimy assault. We used the icy stick for poking the egg, then cleaned up the mess and discussed how having raw egg on the stick might somehow affect its melting time. I didn't know about the "incidental" learning that took place that day until the next time I made pumpkin bread. I asked the kids if they remembered how to make pumpkin bread and Josh quickly piped up, listing the ingredients and how to mix them together. When he came to the part of the recipe when eggs should be added he said, "Then you get out four eggs and Mommy puts in the first one, then Beth Lee puts in the next one, then I drop one on the floor and poke it with a stick..." Clearly, this is a special family recipe that just might be passed down through the generations. Especially if there are future homeschoolers!

Fidget to Focus

I (Melinda) had the opportunity to interview Sarah Wright, co-author of the book Fidget to Focus. This book has great ideas for children and adults and is packed with practical ways to use fidgeting as a strategy to help increase focus. The book is also useful as a resource when you need to advocate for your child's use of fidget objects like the ones in our Heads Up Fidget Bundles. Fidget items can help those who need them and Sarah helps explain why it's worth giving them a try.

Wipe! Wipe!

Some of you probably thought this post would be about potty training, but no. This is for all of you with children who don't like to get their hands dirty. Some children are oblivious to messes and don't mind having a dirty hand or face. Other kids become distressed if even one finger has come into contact with a substance they don't like to feel. I have worked with children who remind me of Monk, the obsessive compulsive detective who calls for his assistant to hand him a wipe whenever he shakes hands or touches something he deems undesirable. Recently I was sitting with a young boy who was eating a snack, and he got some frosting on his hand. In a near panic, he turned to me saying, "Wipe! Wipe!" and held out his hand for help in removing the frosting as quickly as possible. Right next to him was another child totally indifferent to the feel of frosting covering her face and hands, happily licking the frosting from each finger. My son Josh was in the "Wipe!" camp when he was young, and my daughter Beckie was such a sensory seeker that she deliberately smeared food on her face and hands and loved messy art projects. Both of them needed to work on sensory processing and awareness, but today I am going to suggest a strategy for the sensory avoidant, "Wipe!" children. I didn't want to overwhelm or traumatize my avoidant son, making future attempts to increase his tolerance even more challenging. But I did want to expand Josh's acceptance of various textures, smells, and sensations. I knew I couldn't just put materials out for him to explore and expect a different response from him. Josh was already doing what came naturally to him, and that was to limit or avoid his exposure to certain materials. So I put finger paints, pudding, hair gel, etc. into Ziploc bags. For some of the bags I added in small objects such as decorative erasers for added input as the materials were investigated and experienced through touch. Sometimes I double bagged to prevent leakage, and in addition to sealing the bag I added a layer or two of packing tape along the seal. Then I modeled tracing a finger over the bag, poking it with my finger, smashing it with my palm, etc. and encouraged my son to do likewise. Touching substances through a bag felt safer to him, and the limited boundaries of a Ziploc bag appeared more manageable to his young mind. Since Josh was also sensitive to smells, the bags eliminated or at least minimized odors. As Josh became comfortable with the materials in the bags, I would gradually introduce a small amount of the material without a bag. With repeated exposure over time, Josh learned to process all the sensory input and no longer avoided touching materials directly. I found, with Josh and other children I have worked with, that many children are more willing to touch a substance that I present to them on my own hand instead of on a table or piece of paper. I'm not sure if that's because seeing it on me implies that it is safe to touch, or if it's the skin to skin contact that is reassuring, but in any case it's worth trying with your kids to see if it helps them as you expose them to a greater variety of sensory input.

Turn Your Recorder On

My son, Josh, and my youngest daughter, Beckie, both have auditory processing difficulties. Although when they were officially evaluated by an audiologist they had some differences in the auditory tasks in which they struggled, they both demonstrated poor working memory. This means that although their hearing acuity is fine, they process the incoming auditory input in an atypical manner and they are unable to hold information in their minds long enough to remember it all and act on it. So they might remember the first thing they heard, or the last thing they heard, but if it's a long segment they are likely to lose information. I used strategies like pairing visual information with auditory information, and I utilized gestures and demonstrations nearly all the time. I had them look at me before I gave them directions. I had them repeat back to me what they heard so I would know if they were not complying with me or if they never got the information in the first place. This is an important strategy for parents and teachers, because you should not be disciplining a child for not doing what you've asked if he never received the information completely in the first place. I also did activities specifically to work on improving auditory memory and attention. One activity I did with all my children was have them repeat back exactly what I said to them, increasing the length of the segment a little at a time. For example, I would say something like, "The cat walked to his bowl." We would practice that until they could say say it verbatim. The next sentence would be, "The white cat walked to his empty bowl." The next sentence might be, "The white cat slowly walked to his empty bowl, hoping to find it full of food." This stretched their attention span and challenged their auditory memory skills a little at a time. I also reminded the children to make a mental picture about what they were hearing, since the internal visual cues would help them remember details. One day, while doing this activity, I noticed that Josh was tapping himself on the temple every time I started with, "Ready? Listen to this." I thought to myself, "Great! Now on top of the AD/HD, sensory processing difficulties and auditory processing problems, I've given this kid tics!" I wasn't sure I really wanted to know the answer, but I finally asked Josh if he realized he was tapping himself on the head every time it was his turn to repeat something. He promptly said, "Yes! I'm turning my recorder on!" My little hands-on guy could relate to pushing a button to record something, so he had implemented a tactile strategy for himself. (Whew! Big sigh of relief for me since his head tapping wasn't caused by tics after all and I hadn't done anything to cause them or mess up my kid!) Once a child comes up with their own strategy, we can use it knowing that it makes sense to them. After Josh showed me that he identified with "turning the recorder on" I generalized that strategy for other listening tasks. When teaching any subject, I would prompt Josh to turn his recorder on because the next point was very important. Before giving him a multi-step direction, I would prompt him to turn his recorder on and picture himself doing the task. His strategy became my strategy with him, because Josh taught me something that worked for him.

Homeschooling Your Struggling Learner

My friend and colleague, Kathy Kuhl, has written an excellent book (Homeschooling Your Struggling Learner) that provides practical strategies for struggling learners as well as being a wealth of encouragement. Kuhl interviewed homeschooling families with children representing a variety of special needs such as autism, AD/HD, learning disabilities, and more. Many hours were spent interviewing, researching, and compiling information into this reader-friendly and very organized book. Kathy's book is available at Heads Up by clicking on the "book" category on the web site. I had the pleasure of presenting with Kathy at a conference last October, and while we were there we grabbed a few minutes to do this interview. So here it is, the first "Kuhl and Boring" video presentation for your enjoyment!

Hello Again!

Hello friends! I haven't blogged for awhile, but I'm back now. I've been feeling like the deflated lawn decorations in this yard so I thought I'd take a picture to give you a nice visual symbol as you read. I came down with a cold on November 25th, and it quickly turned into a sinus infection, ear infection, and lung infection for which I've taken numerous medications and...I'm gradually improving but still not over it. My right ear drum perforated and I've been like the auditory processing struggler who says "Huh?" for the past several weeks. I've decided to try to get back to some of my regular activities and hope that full recovery will happen ANY DAY NOW. There's never a good time to be wiped out of commission, but I think the month preceding Christmas was especially inopportune. This is the first year that I've ever been unable to get Christmas cards sent before Christmas. I started my gift wrapping the day before Christmas and recruited my family (okay, "coerced" would be a better word) to help with the wrapping and food preparation. Did you know you can wrap gifts for someone with AD/HD while they are in the same room as long as you put a movie on to watch? I did very little shopping other than online, and am very grateful for Amazon's selection that allowed me to shop from home. When Christmas Day arrived, I felt a bit like Dr. Seuss's Grinch proclaiming:
"It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags! (Or Christmas cards from the Borings!) " And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe Christmas, " he thought, "doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
Well I know that Christmas means a whole lot more, and I hope that my Christmas traditions never overshadow the birth of Christ. How comforting it is to know that nothing I do, or don't do, can stop Christmas from coming or minimize its gift to mankind in any way.
It was wonderful to spend time with family. Even our rescued dog, Slapshot, did great being in a new place with new people. I used to worry about how my kids would do with the relatives, and this year I was worrying about how the dog would do. He was very subdued and calm, I suspect due to the Christmas sock he had eaten, but he made a very positive impression on his new extended family members. And so, though I coughed through the Christmas season like Dicken's Tiny Tim, I join him in saying "God Bless Us, Every One!" and may your 2010 be filled with peace and joy.

The Biggest Loser - of Important Items

If you've been following this blog for awhile, you know that I prefer things neat and orderly. My family, on the other hand, casually consider themselves slobs and refer to themselves as "Slobonians". Clutter doesn't bother them, so it is very hard to motivate them to clean up and put things away where they belong. My youngest daughter has AD/HD and the impulsivity and inattention result in clutter, misplaced items, and zippers left unzipped on backpacks. I have found some of her things in the oddest places, and she has no recollection of how they got there. This week, while at my part-time job as a speech therapist, I got a text message on my phone from Beckie. She is taking a couple of classes at a community college and was texting me to accuse our dog of taking her calculator out of her backpack because it was missing and she knew it was in her backpack the day before. While it's true that our recently rescued dog has yet to learn what he is allowed to chew on, I thought it more likely that she left her backpack unattended and someone stole the calculator from her backpack. In any case, it was distressing since it was an expensive calculator and...it was borrowed. I was not happy with having the expense of replacing the borrowed calculator and then having to buy Beckie another one since she will have more math classes to take in the future. A few hours later, Beckie sent me another text to let me know she had found the calculator. One of the other students in her math class had found it on the sidewalk the day before and recognized it as being Beckie's calculator and returned it to her. Yea! Beckie admitted that she had left the zipper open on the pocket she used for her calculator, so it could have fallen out without her knowing it. Whew! What a relief. That is until my husband Scott got a call from Beckie's cell phone in the afternoon, and it wasn't Beckie calling him. Beckie's cell phone had been found in the grass near the local elementary school and the person was calling to say she'd leave it at the front desk in the school office. Scott managed to reach Beckie at home, and she insisted that it was impossible for her cell phone to be found by a stranger when she was positive it was at her friend's house. (Why would she leave it at her friend's house instead of in her hand where I usually see it? Who knows?) Beckie reluctantly agreed to walk to the school and retrieve her phone, though she was still adamant it had to be some kind of mistake. Except that it was there, to her amazement, and she learned that it had first been found a couple blocks away from the school at a place she had not walked past that day. We are all mystified. I pointed out to Beckie that she had lost an expensive calculator and a cell phone in the same day, thereby making her "The Biggest Loser" in our family so far this week. Since this time both items were returned to her, I think she was secretly amused by the title. She was definitely angry when the calculator was missing, and if she had even known her phone was missing she would have been upset. Perhaps this will help her remember to zip up pockets and so on. Time will tell.

A Math Teaching Tip

Working with a variety of modalities also increases the likelihood of later recall of material. When we incorporate auditory, visual, tactile and kinesthetic input in subject areas where our children struggle to learn, we will also be helping them learn to pay attention for longer periods of time. With that in mind, I want to share with you one of my more successful teaching activities that kept my children engaged and made the material we were studying more memorable for them.

When my son was having trouble with the concept of “borrowing” in math, I lined up my children in place value positions, gave them Cuisenaire cubes and rods, and we acted out a story. I was the sheriff from Robin Hood (one of their favorite movies at that time) and came to collect taxes from the “ones” child. When she didn’t have enough cubes to pay her taxes, I showed her how to “borrow” from her neighbor and explained that she could only borrow 10 cubes from that neighbor. We did the same thing for the “tens” child borrowing from the “hundreds” child, and enacted several scenarios for practice.

I had lined them up in birth order with my youngest, Beckie, in the ones place. My middle child, Beth, was in the tens place. Josh, as the oldest, was in the hundreds spot. I recently asked my children if they remembered doing that activity, and they responded with an enthusiastic “Yes!” Josh also pointed out to me that a variation of the activity has continued over the years, because Beckie asks to borrow money from Beth, who in turn asks to borrow from Josh. He blames me for this generalization of a skill learned in those early years of our homeschooling. Before you feel too sorry for him, I want to point out that I’ve also taught him how to say “No” nicely to refuse requests.

Geography: She's having none of it!

I'll admit that I'm not strong in geography. I have a feeling that my children learned as much from the PBS show "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" as they did from me. But I'm o.k. with that. As long as they learn it, I'm happy. I do have some good geography materials by Cindy Wiggers, and I made it through all of the U.S. Geography book with my children. At least at one time they could name the states and capitals, and they know how to label mountains and rivers on maps. My daughter Beckie and I are currently working on world geography. I am learning it along with her, since if I ever knew this information the files must have been deleted somewhere along the way. (When this happens, I blame one of the car accidents I've been in for killing off some brain cells. They've been minor accidents, but I think whiplash and trauma might have messed with my brain for stuff like geography.) While we were learning about North America, we pulled out maps and had the globe in front of us. I would ask Beckie to locate various landmarks, oceans, etc. Following along in my curriculum instructions, I asked Beckie to find Nunavut. Beckie, whose AD/HD manifests in both a short attention span and a tendency to blurt things out, is not good at hiding her frustration. She glanced at the globe for a few moments, then informed me that she didn't see "None of it". Ah...and did I mention she has auditory processing difficulties as well? Being the adaptive instructor that I am, I showed her the spelling of "Nunavut" and encouraged her to look pretty far north on the globe. With that support, she was able to find it but continued to tell me that she could find "None of it" for several other items that day since she was amused by her own misunderstanding and pun. At least she's having some fun during a subject that does not hold her attention easily.

See? I'm not dumb!

Have you ever heard your kids say something like, "See? I'm not dumb!" ? I don't know if there's a connection to learning disabilities or not, but I've heard this type of statement from all three of my children at different times. It bothers me, because I have never told them or believed that they were "dumb" and in fact I went out of my way to be sure they knew I thought they were great. Sure, AD/HD has its challenges and my children may not always present as if they are on the ball. But I, the mother, never waivered in my belief that they brought a lot to the table even if what they brought was not traditionally appreciated! And how can I explain my "neurotypical" daughter also trying to convince me that she's not stupid even when I never thought she was? Maybe it's just a manifestation of self-doubt and a glitch in self-esteem that everyone experiences at times. Yesterday, I was talking with my daughter about her struggles with math, and she quickly pointed out that she got an A in English, adding "See? I'm not dumb!" Let me back up and say that I told her I knew she could do the math and was smart enough to understand it. I told her that her teacher was new to teaching this course and that sometimes the way information is taught can make the subject matter more difficult. I encouraged her to take advantage of the math lab, where she might find someone who could explain how to solve the math problems in a way that made more sense to her. I encouraged her to problem solve how she could help herself, and reminded her that I was proud of how hard she's working. Hey! That could be in a parenting book! Except...somehow Beckie was still worried that she didn't measure up in my eyes. When my children imply that they think I might have the opinion that they are dumb, I feel both surprised and saddened. I want so much for them to know I love them no matter what, and when they make statements like that I feel like I have failed them somehow. Then on top of that guilt, I feel dumb for not communicating my unconditional love to my children. So I ask them, "Do you know that I love you no matter what?" and they tell me yes and we hug. See? I'm not dumb, either!

I Love Someone With AD/HD

I picked up a button at a conference because it caught my eye as I was walking past. It reads, "I love someone with ADHD". Having a husband, a son, and a daughter who all share that diagnosis I placed the pin on my nametag to wear for the rest of the conference. In reality, there are many people in my life who have been diagnosed with AD/HD and I do love them. But I thought it would be interesting to see which of my three family members would:
1. Notice the button and actually read it.
2. Ask which "someone" the button represented.
Once again, my family surprised me. They all noticed the button and read its message, though at different times throughout the day. When my husband, Scott, read it he sighed and hugged me. When my son, Josh, read it he grinned and hugged me and said, "I love you too, Mom." When my daughter, Beckie, read it she beamed with pride and gave me a hug. I guess this means I'm doing something right and my family feels secure in my love for them since they all three assumed the message was about them!

Down Syndrome: More Alike Than Different

This is a great video featuring several adults with Down Syndrome sharing a glimpse into their lives. It is encouraging and fun to watch. I like having this type of reminder to look past the diagnosis and see the whole person. We are not our labels, our children are not their labels, and sometimes we can exceed what our labels imply about us. I've watched this video several times and every time it makes me smile.

My Joke Answer Is...

If you work with AD/HD children, you know how easily they get bored. It's a balancing act to find work that challenges them without being so simple their attention wanders or so difficult that they become frustrated. My personal goal when teaching is to try and have the child working in an area of strength and achieving success about 80% of the time at a minimum. The more difficult work (in our case, things like listening tasks without visual or tactile cues) takes up about 20% of the time. I want my children to learn to sit down for sustained periods of time. They do need to listen without having a bunch of props to grab their attention. So I work on those things but make sure that they are experiencing success in their assigned tasks at least most of the time. One of the aspects of AD/HD that makes finding such a balance tricky is that our kids may perform differently from day to day or in various settings. This is especially true if the AD/HD is comorbid with other learning disabilities. So how can we tell if we are accomplishing the goal of challenging our children without frustrating them? Sometimes we just have to read the body language and listen to what our children are saying. "This is stupid" may well translate into "I don't understand and I feel stupid." "I'm bored" may mean "I need to move around and find ways to alert myself again". A child who looks droopy may be fatigued on a task and needs to switch to something else for awhile and then come back to the first task. In my daughter's case, I often get unmistakable clues by how she responds to a question. If she is muttering under her breath, I am challenging her and approaching melt-down levels. If she answers matter-of-factly, I am usually right on with getting her to think but not frustrating her. Since Beckie likes variety and creativity, if I don't provide enough amusement in our lessons she will often deliver it herself. I knew she was not feeling challenged when I asked her a question and she gave it a few second's thought before replying, "My joke answer is..." and then went on to tell me the real answer. This was Beckie's way of letting me know she knew the correct answer but it was not very interesting to her and her joke answer spiced things up a bit. The longer you work with a child, the better you become at reading their cues and figuring out when you are challenging them too much or not enough. Don't worry if you don't feel like you have a good grasp on it yet. In my experience, children show us over and over again what they need until we recognize it. If we don't catch on right away, they will give us many more opportunities.

The CHADD Conference

I just got back from the CHADD Conference (Children and Adults with AD/HD) yesterday and it was great to attend some sessions and connect with old friends. I did a video interview with Sarah Wright, one of the authors of the book Fidget to Focus. I also interviewed Kathy Kuhl, author of Homeschooling Your Struggling Learner and Clark Lawrence of the Executive Function Center. I enjoyed re-connecting with those folks and it was a blast to interview them considering I have absolutely no expertise with any videos other than my home videos! I suspect it is far easier to interview than to BE interviewed, but all of my "subjects" were informative and appeared relaxed. I also got a kick out of meeting Kim, who approached me the first night there to tell me she had seen the video I did with my daughter about the Sock Boxes for ADD-Friendly sock organization. A few others recognized me from this blog or other conferences where I've been a presenter and were nice enough to make a point to come over and say hello. I met Deisie from Chicago, who sat with me through two sessions and then came to my panel presentation the next day. I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up presenting at CHADD in a few years herself. I answered a question in Chris Dendy's session and she said she liked my idea and might use it in her future presentations. How cool is that to have someone you admire (and her books are on my shelf) like your idea enough to use it? Woo-hoo! I left the conference motivated to keep advocating for our children with differences and with a few new ideas to work on to add to my skill set when working with these kids. I heard stories that helped me keep things in perspective. Things with my children could be worse. Things with my children could be better. I'll keep working to support and encourage them as we teach each other through life. Stay tuned for those author interviews as a future blog posting.

It's So Obvious (to our kids)

Have your kids ever given you an incredulous look because the answer to your question is so obvious - to them? I'm pretty sure I've given that kind of look to my children many times, even though I know they are outside the box kind of thinkers. In fact, I'm not sure they know there even is a "box". Some things just seem so apparent to me that it's hard to remember that my kids don't approach life in the same way I do. Our kids can feel that same kind of frustration if we don't immediately understand their way of thinking when something seems very obvious to them. A few days ago I was preparing to do some school work with my Beckie, and she was flitting around the house burning up some excess energy. I called her in to the dining room, and she came right away. I turned my back to take our books off the shelf, and when I turned around she was gone. I arranged the books for the first subject of the day and called Beckie back into the dining room. She popped right over, but when I leaned over to clear some space on the table for our globe, she darted off again. This yo-yo action in and out of the room happened several times within a couple of minutes. I called her back, and asked her why she kept leaving the room when she knew it was time to do school. That's when I got the look that said, "Why are you asking me a question when the answer is so obvious?" I waited for her reply, truly not knowing the answer, and she simply sighed and said, "To dance!" She said it in that way kids have of letting you know you should have known the answer but they will try to patiently explain it for you. I think that's a good reason and a way for hyperactivity to be expressed in an acceptable way, though it explains in part why school sometimes takes us longer than I expect it too. In fact, if we didn't actually have to get anything done, I might have joined her in dancing.