tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-104029602024-03-13T00:05:42.385-04:00Heads Up!A forum for discussion of all things connected with special needs learning, inattentiveness, and distractibility (or ADHD, if you prefer).
Medications, Non-medicinal strategies, nutritional suppliments, approaches to different learning styles, environmental modifications, educational materials.HeadsUpDadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12069017985004867518noreply@blogger.comBlogger225125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-70406232486989714562014-07-15T22:29:00.000-04:002014-07-15T22:31:57.501-04:00Thankful<br />
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Yesterday, I had one of those days. I was thankful. Now I know I should be thankful all the time, but usually I don't think about it as I go about my activities. Yesterday was an exception. I had my plan for the day, a strategic use of my time to accomplish several things that I thought needed to be done. It turned out, they weren't that crucial and didn't really need to be completed according to my timeline.<br />
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I was headed out to do a couple errands. My van started up just fine and I was a few blocks from home, stopped at a red light, when my van just conked out. I tried restarting it, but it just made noises and refused to start. The light turned green and there were cars behind me waiting to turn right as I had intended to. I lowered the window to thrust my arm out and waved them around me. I tried again to start my van, with the same failing response from my vehicle.<br />
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I put on my hazard lights, which I hoped would be bright enough for oncoming drivers to see since it was beginning to rain a little bit. Then I groped around under the steering wheel until I found the hood release button and gave it a good yank. I went around to the front of my van, heaved the hood upwards until it stayed fully open, and got up on my tiptoes to look inside. Sure enough, there were car parts. Lots of them. Gooey, dirty, and as mysterious to me as a calculus problem. The solution to my problem was no doubt in there someplace, and someone would have the knowledge to find and solve it. I was not that someone, but I proceeded to stick my hand down inside and wiggled a few things around enough to get a very filthy hand. It might have looked like I knew what I was looking for or how to connect a loose wire. But I didn't.<br />
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I was kind of hoping that by sticking my head under the hood of my disabled vehicle, my fellow drivers might take pity on me and not honk at me for blocking traffic. An employee from the business on the corner came over and said I could call from inside their office and wait in there for help. She said she had been outside when I pulled up to the light and observed that the van had just suddenly stopped running. She heard my attempts to restart it and came over to let me know I could come into their building and they would help in any way they could.<br />
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Then I heard a man call to me from his truck, asking if I needed help. I think it was a rhetorical question, because it seemed pretty obvious that I needed assistance and quickly, before I made things even worse by wiggling the wrong wire or something. This helpful senior citizen pulled in behind me (now he was blocking traffic, too) and had me try to start the van again. He watched under the hood while the van made its "I can't start" sounds and we repeated that routine a few times. My good Samaritan asked if I had possibly run out of gas, and when I replied in the negative he apologized and said he didn't know what else to do. He wished me luck and was on his way. I'd say he was still more advanced in his vehicle knowledge than I was, plus he actually was quite nice and willing to help if he could.<br />
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At that point, I pulled out my cell phone and called AAA for roadside assistance. I was immediately put on hold. My van had basically put me on hold already and I wasn't going anywhere. This was to be a day of waiting for one thing and another. After a fairly short wait, a woman came on the line and I began explaining that my van broke down and I couldn't get it started. I described my location, and even though I was at an intersection the representative wanted more details. I was able to tell her I was on the east side of the intersection, facing west. If you know me, then you know that I am not good with directions other than up, down, right, and left. But I squinched my eyes shut and figured out the east/west part. As the AAA representative was giving me a reference number and telling me that a tow truck should arrive in the next 5-90 minutes, a police cruiser pulled up behind me with lights flashing.<br />
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I felt resigned. If I was going to be cited for blocking traffic, there was nothing I could do. As I hung up with the AAA call, the police officer was waiting outside my open window. I preemptively informed him that I had already called AAA and they were sending a tow truck. (See officer? I'm a good citizen. I'm not blocking traffic by choice. I'm a victim of circumstance! Owner of an old vehicle circumstance. You don't have to ticket me.) The police officer politely informed me that he had some kind of push bumper on his vehicle and would push my van across the street and to a legal parking spot at the side of the road where I could wait safely for the tow truck. Following his instructions, I guided my van into the parking spot. The officer said he would check back in a while and waved goodbye.<br />
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I called AAA back, just to let them know I was now a half block down from the intersection, on the west side and still facing west. They promised to deliver this new information to the towing company. Within minutes, my cell phone rang. When I answered the tow truck driver informed me that he hadn't seen my vehicle when he drove past. I gave him the updated information, complete with landmarks, and he assured me he would be there soon. A few minutes later, I watched as a tow truck drove past me without even looking in my direction. Sigh.<br />
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A few more minutes and he was back, this time noticing my "flagging you down" waving. The driver had me try to start the van. Usually I love consistency, and that's just what I got when I tried to start it up. Same noises. Same result. A woman walked by just then with her two dogs, paused to say hello to me and then offered "Sorry about your circumstances" and really seemed to mean it before continuing on her way. Then the driver checked a few other things, even going so far as to look up something in my owner's manual. He seemed to know what he was doing but the areas he checked did not solve the problem. So he hooked up all the towing equipment, then hauled me and my van to a repair shop.<br />
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I called my son and asked him to meet me at the garage and give me a ride home. He came to my rescue, but informed me that his sister needed to use the car to get to her classes and then to work so we didn't have much time to spare. Once my van was deposited in the parking lot, the tow truck driver escorted us inside the building and introduced me to one of the shop owners. I handed over my AAA card and my van key, and the owner asked me a few questions about what was wrong with the van. I guess I could have shown him my greasy black fingers and assured him that we could rule out any obviously disconnected wires as I had seen to those myself, but I just repeated my tale of woe and bafflement. He jotted a few notes, told me what the diagnostic evaluation would cost and promised to call me once he got things checked out the next day. My son and I left and made it back home in time for my daughter to use the car.<br />
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Throughout this misadventure, I felt oddly thankful. The vehicle breakdown happened close to home. I knew where I was. I had my cell phone with me. I was pretty safe. An employee from a nearby business voluntarily came to offer help. An old man stopped to see if he could be of assistance. Only one person honked, and then looked apologetic when he saw I was stranded. The black stuff washed off my hands and didn't get on my clothes. The police officer did not give me a ticket or hassle me in any way, but instead was polite and helpful in getting my van to a safer spot and out of the flow of traffic. The rain only lasted a couple minutes and I was barely wet at all. The tow truck arrived in less than the maximum estimated time. A kind stranger let me know she cared as she was out walking her dogs. The tow truck had a sturdy handle I could use to help vault myself up into the very high seat. My son was available to give me a ride home. No one was in close proximity to watch me clumsily slide out of the tow truck until I could get my feet on the ground. I didn't have to wait long at the business office to start the repair process. My daughter made it to class on time. I didn't get anything done on my to-do list, and the world did not come to an end. My pets got some unplanned cuddle time with me, and I enjoyed it. So many things to be thankful for even when things don't go according to my plans.<br />
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<br />HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-45693178862564216032014-01-05T22:15:00.000-05:002014-01-05T22:17:22.135-05:00The "Look" You Get When You Are Being Judged as a Parent<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I wonder
if having your child misbehave and embarrass you in public is a universal experience
for parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are there actually people
who have no idea what it is like to have your child make a scene and attract
attention in negative ways?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are such
a parent whose child never made you look or feel inadequate throughout his childhood,
I will be happy for you and somewhat mystified by your existence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until I meet or hear from one of you, though,
such a parent will remain a legend or mythical creature to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can even imagine a book titled, “The Parent
Who Never Erred” or perhaps “Consistently Compliant Children:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fact or Fiction?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think people would buy the book either to
learn everything they could from such success or to disprove and discredit a
story that seems too incredible to believe.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Overall I think I had great
kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They generally wanted to please
and were relatively compliant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With that
said and my motherly bias evident, there were times when my children exposed me
to “The Look” as a direct result of their behavior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m not talking about the look that a
parent gives to a misbehaving child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
talking about “The Look” that a parent gets from an overtly critical onlooker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Allow me to explain “The Look” in case some
of you have never experienced it personally, either on the giving or receiving
end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not a pleasant thing to have
directed your way, because “The Look” is given when people disapprove of your
children or the way you are handling them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes it seems to communicate revulsion with you and your child,
passing judgment and finding you guilty with one sweeping glance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Givers of “The Look” can communicate entire
monologues just using the powers of eye gaze and facial expressions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The Look” asks you why you can’t control
your child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The Look” may convey
disgust at your perceived inadequacies or your child’s atrocious behavior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Givers of “The Look” may want to know what is
wrong with your child that he would behave in such unacceptable ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Two of my three children were
diagnosed with AD/HD and Sensory Processing Disorder and inadvertently provided
me with plenty of opportunities to receive “The Look”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before I was a parent, I didn’t even know
such a look existed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To find myself on
the receiving end was highly uncomfortable and I was already overwhelmed and
insecure about my ability to parent in such a way that my children’s special
needs were met.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was still learning
about their challenges and although I worked very hard to teach my children
good manners and appropriate behaviors in various settings sooner or later one
of them would do something that resulted in “The Look”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It is an especially devastating
feeling to be judged and found wanting when it involves your children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I invested my life in raising my children and
yet complete strangers could zap me with a look and I’d feel crushed and
rejected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was even harder to respond
when “The Look” came from family and people who knew us, because it was often
accompanied by unsolicited advice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
an incident occurs in a public place, the odds are that you will get “The Look”
from multiple people at once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you
experienced this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If not, can you
imagine how discouraging it would be?</span><br />
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9hIRoE9DZFql8Q7q7QYgtNi2zk7Ug9pA47iQW08kx7MrmkgzfTLFU0plNBxRtt18Kd0dq-UDKkFz0QV8l82GNR8ArJ0FwnTbbyhflZV5Siwhex-m8toSM-UI3CbAitkoDFS6n2g/s1600/the+Look+face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9hIRoE9DZFql8Q7q7QYgtNi2zk7Ug9pA47iQW08kx7MrmkgzfTLFU0plNBxRtt18Kd0dq-UDKkFz0QV8l82GNR8ArJ0FwnTbbyhflZV5Siwhex-m8toSM-UI3CbAitkoDFS6n2g/s1600/the+Look+face.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I know people who have children with
autism spectrum disorders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have
shared with me some of their frustrations and experiences when they got “The
Look”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One mom I know was in the grocery
store when her son had an extreme meltdown and was engaged in a full-out
tantrum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This mom understood that when
her son was that upset he had little self control and often flailed about in
such a way that he could harm himself, others, or property.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As matter-of-factly as she could, this mom
restrained her son using techniques that helped him calm down and kept him from
hurting himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While she was
endeavoring to help her son, she had store customers and employees giving her
the look and making hurtful remarks loudly enough for her and all who were in
close proximity to hear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This mom knew
that people thought her son was just a brat and she was an ineffective
parent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her son’s autism didn’t show in
his physical appearance, and she was faced with the decision of whether to
explain that her son was autistic or try to ignore the people surrounding them.
What would you do?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>One woman I know was at a store when
her daughter with autism became loud and agitated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This mom knew her daughter was reacting
because she was over stimulated by her surroundings. She knew how to deal with
her, but there wasn’t an immediate fix to help her daughter wind down from her
distraught condition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mom didn’t
like it, but she was used to getting “The Look”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was not unusual behavior for her
daughter and during this particular episode she overheard a spectator say that
perhaps Child Protective Services should be called since the child was
obviously out of control and the mother was clearly incompetent to subdue her
into compliance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After that, she began
to carry little cards that said “My child is not just misbehaving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has autism” and proceeded to explain some
of the challenges faced by many individuals on the autism spectrum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Handing
someone the card was easier than trying to verbally explain all the nuances of
autism in the midst of a crisis when her daughter needed her full attention. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Another friend of mine adopted a
child with special needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had some
neurological damage due to prenatal drug exposure and he was hyperactive and
impulsive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did not seem to learn from
experience and consequences had little effect on his behavior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This little boy had no fear and needed
constant supervision to keep him out of harm’s way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In order to keep him safe when they were away
from home, his mother quickly realized that a wrist strap would prevent him
from darting into the street and would keep him in close proximity to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was horrified and bewildered when people
would give her “The Look” and make critical remarks about “people who keep
their kids on a leash”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This loving
mother was only trying to keep her son safe yet people made assumptions and
jumped to conclusions without truly understanding the situation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As far as I can tell “The Look”
exists in every community, but it does not seem to help anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can making a person feel inadequate or
condemned ever encourage them to keep trying in spite of the challenges they
face?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope that this article has
encouraged some of you if you have been the recipient of “The Look”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are not alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the rest, I hope that you will be aware
that your kind words and supportive looks can be as powerful and impactful as
“The Look.”</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-76290899305637264882013-03-25T21:27:00.000-04:002013-03-25T21:27:25.463-04:00More Astute Than Obtuse<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibqF9iOdEDjtenKRsfZVQWsLEX9MbWRjF6scXimP2IHmNxDCyspNYQeWxmsmTxbgFNL92WMELqpOgh0qyDmJpOK5mUKdUj8cGYUDv1qb_jE1yOQHkhnox-f32ZFQ9tKHa2gCq43A/s1600/Scan096%252C+February+25%252C+2006.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibqF9iOdEDjtenKRsfZVQWsLEX9MbWRjF6scXimP2IHmNxDCyspNYQeWxmsmTxbgFNL92WMELqpOgh0qyDmJpOK5mUKdUj8cGYUDv1qb_jE1yOQHkhnox-f32ZFQ9tKHa2gCq43A/s320/Scan096%252C+February+25%252C+2006.bmp" width="217" /></a></div>
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<br />
I've been thinking about social skills lately, and how much they impact our children's lives. Sometimes I feel confident that with enough direct instruction and practice even the most socially awkward child can succeed and have healthy relationships. At other times, though, it seems like the hard work of teaching, learning, and generalizing social skills just isn't enough. I can have a child who has mastered basic social skills, but unless someone is willing to get to know her and become friends with her, the skill set seems inadequate and incomplete.<br />
<br />
When I see a child who naturally picks up appropriate social skills and relates easily to others, there's a part of me that feels a bit envious. My child has to work excruciatingly hard to learn skills that develop effortlessly for others. On top of that, I think children who struggle in this area need a friend even more than those for whom relationships come easily but often find themselves alone in social settings. I look at the families who just seem to sail through developing new relationships on a regular basis and I wonder what that would be like. I want to prompt the parents to be thankful and not take their child's social skills for granted, but I know if I didn't have a child with obvious deficits in this area I wouldn't give a second thought to his social skills, either. <br />
<div id="previewItemDiv">
<img class="largePrevImg" src="http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a3df02b3127ccef27b3ebfb14900000060O00ActGTdw2at2gPbz4M/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00407568724920130124013025894.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D0/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/" /></div>
<br />
When my son was young, he did not make eye contact. He didn't feel the need for it, since he could hear everything just fine without looking at the person who was speaking. Over time he learned that other people expected him to look them in the eyes, so he worked hard to discipline himself to meet that need. He went from one extreme to the other during the learning phase, changing from no eye contact to staring unblinkingly at his conversation partner's eyes. This was perhaps more unsettling to others than the original lack of eye contact had been, so once again my son worked to make changes in the way he connected with people.<br />
<br />
Despite his determination and ongoing efforts to relate with others, my son struggled with the unspoken rules of interpersonal exchange and many viewed him as simply obtuse. The dictionary defines obtuse as "not quick or alert in perception, feeling or intellect; not sensitive or observant." This was his starting point. Considering how very many discreet skills he needed to learn to improve his overall social skills what he accomplished was truly impressive. Even so, I continued to observe other children who called my son derogatory names and who avoided his attempts to interact with them. When his peers did include my son in play, more often than not it was to cast him in the role of monster or bad guy and then they ran from him, screaming.<br />
<br />
It is no wonder that some of the children who struggle socially just want to give up or in frustration decide that most other people are not worth relating to anyway. The rewards are so minimal in comparison to the effort these children exert trying to learn to relate in ways that do not come naturally for them. With little apparent success they persevere and wish for friends who genuinely like them, and for insight into the baffling hidden curriculum of social exchange. It seems that everyone else is in on the secrets of how to relate to others while the struggling child works to understand and interpret mysterious and unspoken rules that exclude and elude them.<br />
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<img class="largePrevImg" height="400" src="http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a3dd39b3127ccef2f084e33d4200000030O10ActGTdw2at2gPbz4M/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00407568724920130319015849404.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D1/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/" width="550" /></div>
<br />
My son worked with remarkable resiliency to be successful in social interactions. He became an astute observer as he watched for changes in facial expression and tone of voice the way a scientist studies an experiment. It seemed as if my son were a stranger in a foreign land, immersed in a language and culture that were unnatural to him. Gradually and with many bumps along the way, he learned to recognize how others expressed their thoughts and feelings. My son, who was always caring and sensitive, learned to relate in ways that were more easily recognized by those around him. He picked up on subtle differences in my facial expressions and would ask if everything was okay. When I sighed, he would check in with me to see if I was upset about something or perhaps just tired. <br />
<br />
My son, and many like him, learn to improve their social skills and overcome their social struggles. There are occasional setbacks and disappointments but they manage to at least get by and develop genuine relationships. Some who struggle socially will only achieve a modicum of success, while others will become fluent in the language of social skills. Even for those who appear to be fluent, though, they are like second-language learners who have remarkably mastered the skills necessary to be successful in a foreign culture.<br />
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HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-79614334728448737772012-11-24T18:06:00.000-05:002012-11-24T18:08:09.794-05:005 Ways to Teach Your Child to Pay Attention<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="http://o5.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/getty_rf_photo_of_bored_boy_in_class.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://o5.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/getty_rf_photo_of_bored_boy_in_class.jpg" height="217" width="320" /></a></div>
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When a child has a short attention
span, it affects many areas of learning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Children are often easily distracted and inattentive, so as teachers we
find ourselves having to repeat instructions and redirect our student’s
attention to the task at hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At times,
pursuing those tangents our kids lead us on can actually be both fun and
educational.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For those times when you
really need to get something specific accomplished, those “rabbit trails” can
be a source of frustration.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My dog, Daisy, has demonstrated to
me in a very visual way just how many twists and turns a rabbit trail can
take.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With her nose to the ground, she
tracks the path the neighborhood cottontail has taken through our
backyard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every little bit Daisy
suddenly changes direction in seemingly random moves, sniffing away, moving
rapidly but ultimately going nowhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This paints a mental picture of how it has been on those days when I’m
trying to teach my distractible kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
exert a lot of energy, but getting pulled off course in so many directions
leaves me feeling like I’m getting nowhere just like Daisy as she dashes around
my back yard following the rabbit’s scent but never catching up to it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’d like to share with you some
practical ways to stretch your child’s attention span using materials and daily
activities that are already part of your routine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember, children with attention challenges
like novelty, interaction, and brevity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is counter-productive to plan a lengthy activity to work on attention
span development.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, try
activities like these:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 1.25in; text-indent: -.75in;">
<span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span>Do the unexpected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When a child’s mind starts to wander, pull their attention back by
introducing something unanticipated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try
changing up a familiar story to catch your child off guard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, when telling the story of the
three bears discovering Goldilocks in Baby Bear’s bed, instead of having her
run off, have Goldilocks say, “I’m going to turn you all into bear rugs!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When your startled child reacts and tells you
that’s not how the story goes, have him tell you the proper version.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now you’ve got your child’s attention, he is
engaging in on-task behavior, and developing his language skills and attention
to details.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 1.25in; text-indent: -.75in;">
<span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span>Take “one more turn”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When a child tires of playing a game or reading a book have her remain
with the activity for one more turn or one more page than she would choose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this way, you are gradually stretching her
attention span with a little bit of a challenge but not to the point of
absolute frustration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 1.25in; text-indent: -.75in;">
<span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span>Use humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Humor
is memorable, and can help a child maintain interest when he begins to feel
restless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Break up those longer sessions
by sharing a good joke or telling an amusing anecdote related to the
lesson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just make sure the joke is not
at anyone’s expense, or the attention span may last longer but shift to the
subject of the joke instead of your teaching topic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 1.25in; text-indent: -.75in;">
<span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span>Tap in to your child’s imagination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of our children who struggle to pay
attention have an amazing capacity for creative endeavors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My highly inattentive son could recall minute
details about inventions he wanted to create or stories he planned to
write.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask your child to picture what
you are talking about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more details
they can envision, the better they will be able to recall the information
later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Giving a child the task of
imagining what something looks, sounds, smells, feels, or tastes like keeps him
actively engaged in the learning process and helps him attend for longer
periods of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would prompt my son
to “make a movie in your head” when giving him a multi-step direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If he got upstairs and forgot all or part of
what I had asked him to do, he knew to watch that movie in his head to help him
remember the tasks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is also a
helpful strategy to increase reading comprehension and recall of auditory
information.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Picture it!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 1.25in; text-indent: -.75in;">
<span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span>Stay active and interactive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have a child with a short attention
span, be aware that this child needs time to mature and will not do well when
required to sit passively for long periods of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Incorporate movement when you can, because a
child in motion is more alert and some kids need an outlet for excess
energy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Involve your child in the lesson
as frequently as you can, making it interactive even if you are just having her
answer a question or retell something in her own words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My children could pay attention for longer
periods of time when I had them write or draw on a white board with dry erase
markers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the lesson itself is not
really conducive to physical activity or interaction, you may be surprised at
how much longer your child can attend if you provide small and quiet fidget toys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
With maturity, attention spans
lengthen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some children take longer than
others to develop but most improve their ability to pay attention dramatically
over time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If your child is not there
yet, try the ideas above.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You cannot
force physical maturity, but you can incorporate these strategies to nudge and
stretch the attention span to lengthen it just a little bit more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gradually, you will see your child attending
for longer and longer periods of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As with so many things, you will have helped them on their way to
growing up.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-91845294791319617882012-07-28T12:12:00.001-04:002012-07-28T12:12:49.409-04:00Motivation, Reluctance, and the Circus<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Motivation is such a wonderful
thing. It gives us energy to pursue our
goals. Motivation can urge us onward
toward of a myriad of accomplishments.
It makes us excited to achieve and keeps us on track and purposeful in
our actions. When one is motivated,
there is less need for external prompting because there is an inward drive and
desire that needs no supplementation. If only
we could bottle it up and pull out motivation to dole out as needed! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Homeschooling a motivated student is exciting
and rewarding, providing a sense of the joy of teaching and affirming our
efforts to help our children learn. If homeschooling is supposed to be a
wonderful experience, why are so many of us lamenting the fact that our
students not only do not eagerly pursue learning opportunities but appear
downright unmotivated and reluctant to learn?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
If a motivated student reassures us that we
are successful teachers, then the converse is also true. A reluctant, unmotivated student can cause us
to question our ability to teach our children well. This doubt can lead our thoughts down other
paths, where we wonder if we are up to the calling of homeschooling and if we
will somehow be holding our children back if we continue. Before you go too far in questioning your
ability to homeschool, please allow me to share some of my experiences as a
homeschooling mother of a very reluctant, unmotivated student. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I am not a high-energy, easily-excited mom. Nevertheless I worked hard
to be enthusiastic when I presented lessons and I tried to make the work
engaging and interesting for my children.
Imagine my dismay when day after day I called my children to the table
to begin our school work and without fail the first words out of my son’s mouth
were, “How long is this going to take?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
He asked me that question no matter
what the subject matter was, and in fact without even knowing which subject I
was about to introduce. In response, I
would plaster a smile on my face and try to exude exhilaration for the
lesson. I tried to be funny. I worked at being more animated in my
presentations. I used up a lot of
energy, as if I were auditioning for the role of inspiring homeschool mom. Inwardly, I berated myself for my inability
to stimulate a love of learning in my children. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I have always loved learning new things, and I
had carefully selected my curriculum.
Night after night I strained my brain to come up with something I could
do or change that would eliminate the reluctance my son felt toward
schoolwork. I was beginning to
despair. I had a heart to homeschool my
children, but I questioned whether I had the energy and ability to do the job
for the long haul. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Then, one day, the circus came to town. Yes, I thought about running off to join it,
but once again I didn’t seem to have the right skill set! I was already abysmal as a performer, judging
by my child’s desire to get schoolwork over with as quickly and painlessly as
possible despite my antics. So I took
the children to see the circus, hoping that at last my son would be adequately
engaged and intrigued by the novelty of the acts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My son watched the tigers with
great interest. He was so intent while
watching the trapeze artists that I’m not sure he even blinked during their
entire act. Just as clowns appeared in
one circus ring and horses began trotting around a second ring, my son turned
to me and said something that changed me forever.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mom</i>,” he asked, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">When can we
go home?</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m bored.”</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Of course he had told me on many prior
occasions that he was bored. All this
time I thought it was my fault for being inadequate as his teacher. Hearing him say he was bored at the circus
astonished me and gave me a valuable insight that helped me realize more than
ever that homeschooling was the best option for my family. When my child informed me that he was bored
at a three-ring circus, at first I was just plain shocked. Once the shock wore off, a sense of great
relief came over me because I realized that even if I chose to wear feathers
and swing from a trapeze while teaching, this child would become bored within
about 15 minutes!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The difficulty my son had with
school was not because of any lack on my part as a homeschooler. Rather, it was the way he was wired that led
him to be easily bored and inattentive.
Once I realized that the attention and motivation challenges were
essentially stemming from inside my son and were not due to my ineptness as his
teacher, I was freed up to concentrate on ways to help him learn to motivate
himself and deal with his frequent feelings of boredom. I began to focus less on critiquing myself
and instead became more observant of my son. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I noticed that there were certain
times of the day when my son was more alert, and that it did not always
coincide with my own states of alertness.
I observed that when he was physically active for a short burst of time
he was then able to attend to his lessons for longer periods. My son showed me that when he was emotionally
upset or over-excited about something that we tended to have less productive
days and my attempts to push him usually backfired. As my self-doubt regarding my ability to
teach my child receded, I was able to direct that mental energy into finding
out what my son truly needed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In addition to my great revelation
at the circus, over time I became more and more convinced that homeschooling
was ideal for a learner like my son. I
could accommodate his needs and give him the attention he needed to stay on
track and learn. Each year of
homeschooling I was better equipped because of the previous year’s
experiences. My son came to understand
that even when I didn’t understand some of his challenges I would steadfastly
believe he was capable of learning, and I would never give up. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
There will always be people with
more impressive credentials, but we do not need to compete with them. As homeschooling parents, we are more
invested in our children than anyone else.
We have the motivation to help our kids, year after year, to teach them
and show them love. Homeschooling can be
challenging, but it can instruct the teacher as well as the students as
situations arise. In my case, I always
tell people that with all the learning and motivation challenges I faced, my
children made me be a better teacher than I wanted to have to be. In the end, though, I am a better teacher and
mom because of the things I learned while homeschooling my children.</div>HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-58774970407145135692012-06-27T19:14:00.000-04:002012-06-27T19:16:51.112-04:00Joshua Fought the Battle of...the Flannelboard!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9HyVB4OlUx7OqVmsqqG0gCvobefcFQF3nGFJEGSB_Tf3CK4-DDZsMvusQhFQaDI4m8zpDw_iVaVI9fdUmw07_o0TeIc7zs79eWZ19grkIZppVbNlklpEmtyHHv9xpqQyALn8U8w/s1600/IMG_6837%5B1%5D" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9HyVB4OlUx7OqVmsqqG0gCvobefcFQF3nGFJEGSB_Tf3CK4-DDZsMvusQhFQaDI4m8zpDw_iVaVI9fdUmw07_o0TeIc7zs79eWZ19grkIZppVbNlklpEmtyHHv9xpqQyALn8U8w/s320/IMG_6837%5B1%5D" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you have a child who can always pay attention, sit still,
and comply with directions and requests?
If so, you may not be able to identify strongly with this post. On the other hand, you may have other children
someday or know of some who are similar to my son, Joshua. My son has always been an “outside the box”
kind of thinker. He is so far outside
the box that he doesn’t know the box exists.
He thinks in terms of what is possible, rather than being limited to
pre-existing established patterns. To
say that Josh is a non-conformist would be a gross understatement. This kid doesn’t just march to the beat of
his own drum; he marches to the beat of his own oboe or something. His creative thinking made his behavior
unpredictable at times, which in turn made parenting him very challenging. Can you relate?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a
pretty linear thinker, and although I’d like to think that my box is large I am
definitely an “inside the box” kind of thinker.
This was one of the challenges I faced in parenting Josh, because my own
responses to situations were logical and predictable to anyone who knew
me. Even though I tried I just could not
anticipate how Josh would respond in many situations. Novel experiences were the most
unpredictable, and I’m sure that even Josh did not know what he was going to
say or do in advance much of the time. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For
example, our local library had weekly story times for preschoolers, and Josh
looked forward to attending each program.
Josh tended to observe rather than take part with most of the activities,
though. He sat on my lap and watched the
other children sing songs and do the motions to finger plays. When the librarian read books, Josh would
push forward to get a better view of the pictures, but he usually sat on his
knees so he wasn’t blocking others’ views.
For Josh, the true highlight of each week was the flannel board story.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The
librarian would tell a familiar story, using the flannel board and various
flannel pieces. Even though this was his
favorite part of the 30 minute program, Josh could barely contain himself and
wiggled and hopped around while the story was being told. With frequent reminders and prompts to sit
down so that others could see, Josh waited for what he really liked best about
the flannel board. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Each story
seemed to spark ideas for a hundred others in Josh’s imagination, and our
librarian was kind enough to give Josh free reign with the flannel board
following the official story time. With
or without participation by others, Josh would tell his original stories or
take the existing story and give it multiple alternative plots and
conclusions. Inevitably, Josh’s stories
would include a battle of some sort. He
could take the most peaceful setting and turn it into an epic battlefield.<br />
<br />
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since Josh
like flannel board stories so much, I bought him a huge set of Bible flannel
board pieces. I thought it would be a
great way for Josh to learn some Bible stories. He loved it! As my oldest child, I thought he might like
to teach some of these stories to his younger sisters and it would be good
practice for his oral language skills, too.
Josh dutifully repeated the story I taught him, and then devoted his energy to expressing his creativity and imagination.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Another flannel board battle ensued
each time the carefully organized Bible set was brought out for a new
story. I am a Mom who likes things to be
in their proper place, and the flannel board set had outlines of the pieces on
each storage board which greatly appealed to my desire to have things
organized. Josh, however, liked to
select pieces for his stories willy-nilly and (gasp) even took pieces from
different boards and stories that were not grouped to together. He even mixed up the Old and New Testament
pieces. It was horrible! Okay, it is probably not that big a deal to
most people, but it was a battle for me to give up my neatly arranged flannel
board pieces so that Josh could express his God-given creativity.<br />
<br />
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Josh is now
a young adult, but he still remembers the flannel board stories with great
fondness. He remembers making up many
adventurous tales and having a lot of flannel pieces to work with from our
large Bible flannel set. His favorite,
he recalls, was the time he put the kneeling Jesus figure behind a
large clay jar on a table turned on its side to provide cover. From that position, Jesus proceeded to shoot
stars at his disciples across the room. And
so it went in the imagination of a young boy, who believed that Jesus could do
anything including spraying stars wherever He wanted them to go.<br />
<br />
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whereas
some people lament their lack of creativity, Josh and other outside the box
type of thinkers find they have to stifle their creative urges many times
throughout the day. It was always a
challenge for me to find good boundaries that allowed Josh to follow his many
ideas that led him in a myriad of directions while redirecting him to get his
school work completed. Getting the
academic work done did take us longer on some days when Josh pursued some of
his imaginative ideas, but I wouldn’t squelch the creativity of my son for
anything. </div>HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-64397589498347275822012-05-11T13:59:00.000-04:002012-05-11T14:05:20.120-04:00On The Road Again<br />
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This is the time of year when I do the most traveling to
conferences and conventions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
weekend I will be at the CHAP conference with Pennsylvania home educators.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has always been a busy conference with
the opportunity to see some familiar faces and meet new people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year I am accompanied by my husband,
Scott, and two of our three children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since my son, Josh, has been the inspiration and field tester for many
of the ideas and strategies I’ve tried over the years I am always happy when he
attends conferences with me so attendees can speak to him and gain access to a
struggling student’s perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
daughter, Beckie, has likewise tried out most of the products that Heads Up
carries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have grown in my
understanding and knowledge of learning challenges over the years and I am
thrilled when I can help others as they try to make decisions to help their own
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been around the block
(on my knees in desperate prayer at times) as a Mom seeking help and
answers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even so, I think it can be very
encouraging for people to talk to Josh and Beckie about their personal
challenges with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Auditory Processing
Disorders, Sensory Processing Disorders, and homeschooling with a Mom whose
learning style is very different from theirs. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Josh and Beckie are the true
experts, because they live with the challenges and understand the struggles and
feelings students may face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can
share firsthand what did and did not help them, and in many cases what they
were thinking when they engaged in some quirky behavior or other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You could ask me for my thoughts on why your
child engages in a certain behavior, and I could give you my theories based on
years of personal experience and similar situations I’ve encountered as a
speech/language pathologist working with children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You could learn as much or more if you ask
Josh the same question and see immediate insight because he remembers what it
felt like to be that kid who can’t sit still or pay attention or remember what
comes so easily for others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can ask
me how I helped my daughter Beckie meet her need for sensory input and I could
tell you strategies I used such as suspending a swing in the doorway for
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beckie, though, can tell you what
swinging does for her and why she seeks it out along with other ways she meets
her need for sensory input from a first person perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Scott and I hope and pray to help people we
meet in our travels, and Josh and Beckie willingly share their lives to help
others who are struggling learners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you are attending the CHAP convention this weekend, please take advantage of
this opportunity to talk to any of us. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, lest you think we have our collective act all together
and will be telling you why we are so amazingly successful, let me see if I can
readjust your expectations so you will be neither surprised nor
disappointed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have been traveling to
conferences for the past 15 years or so and have NEVER made it to a single
destination and back without at least one of us either forgetting or losing
something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our pre-conference hours are
spent like a clutch of chickens running around with their heads cut off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously, you’d think we’d never prepared
for a conference before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span> </span>Just this
morning I asked Beckie if she was packed for our trip, since I had prompted her
last night to pack as much as she could in advance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smiled sweetly and said “Yep!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m pretty much all packed except for my
clothes.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Then she gestured toward the washing machine to let me
know where her clothes currently resided, and happily turned and walked
away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now picture me standing in the
middle of my kitchen with my mouth hanging open trying to process how one could
be “pretty much packed” without including clothes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;"><span> </span>There!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now I think you are ready to meet the real Boring family, unplugged!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;">-Melinda (AKA Heads Up Mom)<span id="goog_949129011"></span><span id="goog_949129012"></span> </span>HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-35541016715226675112012-05-06T19:44:00.000-04:002012-05-06T19:44:16.007-04:00What's in Your Wallet?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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There is a commercial advertising a credit card company that ends with
the question, “What’s in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your</i>
wallet?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While this is an interesting
question, at my house I am more likely to hear, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Where</i> is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my</i> wallet?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Life with
the distractible and disorganized can be discombobulating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I live with three family members who have
been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and due to
challenges with inattention and forgetfulness often items get lost or misplaced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes my kids will ask me if I’ve seen
something that’s gone missing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I
like things to be organized and put away in a logical place, there are times
when I can locate the missing object because I put it away instead of leaving
it out where it was dropped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I have
systems for cleaning and organizing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
problem is with implementation and cooperation from the rest of my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a strong need for things to be put
away where they belong so I can find them when I go looking for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just last night I pulled out all the
ingredients to make a delicious smoothie, but when I went to get my smoothie
maker only part of it was in the cupboard where I keep it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a blender base with the pitcher and a
lid, but the ball on a stick part used to help move the mixture around in the
pitcher was missing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked in all the
places I could think of putting it, but only one place really made sense to me
and that was to store all the smoothie maker parts in the same location.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My husband came into the kitchen and joined
me in the search for the missing part.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>After
looking in the same places I had looked, and striking out just as I had, my
husband began looking in places that made no sense to me but just might contain
the lost tool so they warranted a look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even then we could not locate our smoothie tool, so we…looked in all the
same places again!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure why we
do this, as if the missing item that wasn’t there previously will somehow show
up if we look again <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in the exact same
place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>This strategy was also unsuccessful,
so we moved on to asking our children if they knew where the missing piece was
hiding.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This is not
generally a good strategy, either, because we are talking about distractible
people who misplace things all the time and absentmindedly leave things in odd
places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it was worth a shot, since
we had nothing else to go on at that point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Both children stated where they might have placed it, but neither
actually remembered doing so and the item wasn’t where they suggested.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time, my husband decided to try
substituting a silicon spatula in place of the missing tool, with the result
that we had delicious smoothies with bits of a chopped spatula mixed in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I swallowed a piece.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Those types
of lost items are frustrating and inconvenient, but not nearly as alarming as
missing driver’s licenses, phones, or my personal nemesis the missing
wallet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not my wallet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember, I have a “wallet place” where my
wallet lives and is predictably located when I need it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My daughter and husband have misplaced their
wallets multiple times, though, and it sends me into a far greater panic than
they experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While my mind is racing
with all the possibilities and security risks, they are unsystematically
roaming the house looking in odd places for their wallets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes they leave the house for a minute
and I realize they are checking the car to see if it’s there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe on the sidewalk, or in the grass,
or…well, you get the idea. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My daughter
will, at times like these, casually ask me if I’ve seen her wallet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She acts like it’s not really a big deal
because it’s bound to turn up sooner or later, and she really believes that!
Hunting for her wallet is like a treasure hunt and is only mildly irritating if
she doesn’t find the wallet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I, on the
hand, begin mentally listing all the items that will need to be replaced or
cancelled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My husband
is more subtle about searching for his missing wallet or other items, and
rarely asks me to help him look anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The reason he doesn’t bother seeking my assistance is because I’m not
much help at finding whatever he has lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I look in logical (to me) places where I would leave my wallet, for
instance, and since I have a “wallet spot” I don’t have too many places to
look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Even when
my husband doesn’t come out and say that he’s misplaced something of
importance, I can recognize the signs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He enters a room scanning it like a secret service agent taking
everything in at a glance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he moves
around the room, picking up papers and small portable items while
surreptitiously looking under and around them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He never panics, and never tells himself not to bother looking in
strange places because he knows the missing item <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">could</i> be anywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I
fret about possible identity theft, my husband remains unruffled as he
continues his quest for the missing wallet. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I no longer
reach the panic stage as quickly as I used to, because more often than not my
husband and daughter do find their missing wallets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rather than berate themselves for having lost
them, they congratulate themselves on another successful recovery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would like to avoid the stress of “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Where </i>is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my</i> wallet?” but I do admire the resiliency of my family members who
just don’t sweat it when these events happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They take it in stride as casually as a driver stopping for a red light,
doing what the situation calls for and moving on. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Speaking of moving on, I just heard
my husband in the next room quietly asking himself, “Now where did I put my
keys?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am quite confident that he will find his
keys, no matter how strange a hiding spot they are in, because his experience
and resiliency will win out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keys, your
time on the loose is limited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Give
yourselves up!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will </i>be found.</div>HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-26991753855188731292012-02-23T22:41:00.004-05:002012-02-23T22:51:45.717-05:00The Real Social Security<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif][if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif][if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s hard to avoid, especially when you are a child.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You read about it, hear others talk about theirs, and are prompted to write, talk and answer questions about it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What is the subject of this insidious obsession?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A best friend.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Doesn’t everyone have one?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Don’t get me wrong, I think best friends are wonderful.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What I have difficulty with is the emphasis expressed to children about the need for one.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The question, “Who is your best friend?” assumes that the child has one very special friend.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Writing about what you like to do with your best friend is easy - if you actually have one.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If you don’t, then the perception can be that something is lacking and you should try to obtain a best friend as soon as possible.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There are many wonderful children’s books describing the shared adventures of best friends.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As a child I had the impression that everyone was supposed to have a best friend and if you didn’t, something was wrong with you.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I felt the pressure to latch on to somebody so that I could have a ready answer when asked who my best friend was.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Having a “best friend” was my goal, and I wasn’t particularly discerning in my selections.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In kindergarten, my best friend was Mike because he and I shared the same birthday and he gave me some pennies one time.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In first grade, my best friend was Darryl, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy who held my hand under the table during music class and showed me how his eyes crossed when he took his glasses off.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I thought that was so cool!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>After first grade Darryl’s family moved away so I had to find a new best friend and some other lucky person got to see Darryl’s crossed eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There was an unspoken pressure to find a best friend replacement whenever the previous relationship cooled for any reason.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>By late elementary school, everyone understood that if you had a best friend you would have a seat saved for you even if you and your best buddy weren’t next to each other in line.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There would be a spot reserved for you as your best friend placed a hand on the chair beside her and informed any would-be interlopers that the seat was saved.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Before the teacher finished saying “Find a partner” for an activity, you and your best friend already knew you would pair up together.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>No one else even bothered asking you to be a partner since everyone understood that you would be with your best friend.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You and your number one pal never had to wonder who you would eat lunch with or talk to at recess.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Having a best friend was a relational social security that offered the assurance you would always have someone around.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For a child who struggles socially, making any friends let alone a best friend can be difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s complicated, because most of us have no idea how to teach our kids social skills that come naturally for most people.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When you see your child try unsuccessfully to join a group or make a new friend, it is heartbreaking.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>How much should you try and intervene?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You can’t make friends for your child, but sometimes your child doesn’t seem to be able to make a new friend by herself.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Unless you’ve held a lonely child in your arms, knowing how badly he wants to have a friend but isn’t experiencing successful relationships it is hard to understand just how devastating it can be for that child and his parent.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m afraid that some of that need for social security through having a best friend can follow us into adulthood.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For example, my daughter got to know a girl in our homeschool support group and the two of them really hit it off.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They had a lot in common and enjoyed being with each other.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The new friend’s mother had been college roommates with another homeschool mom in the group, and those two mothers had already decided that their daughters would be best friends.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My daughter watched as the other two girls were shuttled to each other’s houses for play dates and signed up for classes together at the local parks and recreation programs without a backward glance.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>These moms were not being deliberately unkind or exclusive.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They were trying to give their daughters the kind of social security they had valued when they were growing up.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There were quite a few moms in my homeschool support group who would not sign their children up for sports or other group activities unless their child’s best friend would be in the same group.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The child with a best friend does not have to make an effort to include another child, because socially they are set.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The child without a buddy in the group is more motivated to find another child who is at loose ends socially.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I tried to teach my children to look around and notice who might need a friend, and make an effort to include them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I was no doubt more sensitive to this than most, because I was a mother of one of the socially isolated children.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Can you imagine the depth of sadness a parent feels when they are the only friend their child has?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Truly, a good friend is an incredible blessing.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I get to know quite a few moms during my speaking engagements and my speech therapy practice.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ve met some incredible women who agonize over their children’s lack of good relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Some children act in atypical ways because of their challenges such as autism or attention deficit disorder.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Their moms work hard to teach them social skills, but their children continue to struggle and after awhile they are no longer invited to group social events because they are “different” and their behaviors make others uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Now, in addition to isolated children there are increasingly isolated mothers.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As much as I’d like to believe it is the rare exception when an adult loses friendships because of her child, I know from personal experience that it happens frequently.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Moms of special needs children need extra support, but often end up with less support because of their child’s differences that set him apart in a negative way.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s a cycle that deserves to be interrupted.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This whole “best friend” situation can perpetuate the exclusion of those without one particular best friend.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Maybe we could teach our children that even if they have a best friend they can still be friends with others and include them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Adults, even if your social needs are adequately met, I can guarantee you that there is someone in your life who longs to experience even a little of the camaraderie you share with your best friends.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You and your child may not feel the need to add another friend to your life, but please look around anyway because someone undoubtedly needs your friendship.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Can you share your social security with someone in need?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If so, you just might change their lives – and teach your child how to love like Christ does along the way.</p>HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-57351143077181768852011-10-16T17:54:00.010-04:002011-10-16T20:28:43.484-04:00The Hyperactive SlugHere is a phenomenon that I think I understand until it happens in front of my eyes again and I find myself baffled anew despite what I know. Two of my children have ADHD and the hyperactivity component is strong. My son, Josh, is a fidgeter and a tapper. When he was younger the phrase "ants in his pants" seemed pretty accurate. By the way, if your child is a literal thinker like Josh was, do NOT tell him he has ants in his pants unless you want said pants removed in a panic while the child hops around screaming "Get the ants off! Get the ants off!" Same thing for telling a child that he needs to get his head on straight. I'll never forget the look of confusion and dismay on Josh's face as he slowly reached up to his head to see just how crookedly it was placed on his little shoulders.<br /><br />My ADHD daughter likes to run across the room and then slide as far as her momentum carries her on my hardwood floors. This is a fun pastime for her and one of the ways she expends excess energy. This behavior has been going on for years, and since she is now legally an adult I'm thinking she may not outgrow this hyperactivity. I can picture her in advanced years, gray hair pulled back in a pony tail, attaching waxed wheels onto her walker and scooting across the nursing home floor. Over and over.<br /><br />So, okay, as someone who struggles with fatigue problems I admit to being envious of the energy that hyperactive people seem to have in spades. But here is the baffling part - my hyperactive children can go from full-speed to sloth-speed just like that. During our homeschool day, Josh would wiggle and squirm until we took a break. Then he'd run around like a cyclone until I called him back to the table for our next school subject. After reluctantly returning to his chair, Josh would go from full-on energy to extreme lethargy in a matter of seconds. He would slouch and prop his head on his hand as if it took too much effort to hold his head up without support. Often, this child who needed way less sleep than I did would begin to yawn. He appeared to be anything but hyperactive. What's going on?<br /><br />I've also observed that despite obvious hyperactivity much of the time, when I actually need Josh to move quickly he seems incapable of doing so. In fact, the more Josh is urged to hurry up, the pokier he becomes. Despite encouragement (and some yelling and begging) with increasingly desperate exhortations that we need to leave right away or we will be late, Josh doggedly has one speed, and that speed is slow. Slow, methodical, and plodding are not my idea of hyperactive. The more pressured and hurried Josh feels, the slower he seems to move. Even telling him to "Run!" doesn't work. He might trot a few steps at most and then return to his set pace. It's aggravating, but Josh isn't being deliberately obstinate or difficult. Again, what's going on?<br /><br />Josh, like many children with learning challenges, had difficulty regulating his state of alertness. He tended to manifest extremes - high energy or slug-level energy, with not much in between. Josh couldn't explain what was happening, because it was all he ever knew so it was his "normal". I tried dietary interventions, thinking he was experiencing some kind of physical crash. Except it was only happening when Josh was asked to engage in tasks that demanded sustained attention and a relatively still body. My dietary interventions had no effect with Josh. I tried having him sit on a hard wooden (uncomfortable) chair so he couldn't get overly relaxed. This, too, had no effect. I offered ice water for him to sip, an inflatable cushion disk or therapy ball to sit on, fidget toys, and other sensory strategies, and over time we were able to find some things that helped some of the time. I'm still looking for anything that actually helps all of the time. It is my dream and quest.<br /><br />For parents <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.headsupnow.com/products-page/addadhd/take-five-staying-alert-at-home-and-school-williams-shellenberger/"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 157px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ55nWPpnlWfOUpKOAtGyGK-0-UYsnf_2FIKQvohEOaj_iPMaf8TjF38iieiSY5zpJN8VqVIHgY2LKh9gI882G7VcfCXY8CLDeRXRBB3ggIscPMXQ9yrbaYDu-qz9ExMf-U1yEOA/s200/Take5.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5664251098989226658" border="0" /></a>and teachers, it may be helpful to take a look at the "Take Five" Alert Program. It will help with identifying states of alertness and ways to promote regulation of the attention state. In addition it is a useful tool in helping your students understand themselves and how they can make adjustments to meet the needs for both calming and increasing alertness.<br /><br />God bless our amazing children, who force us to become better teachers than we ever wanted to have to be! But we are better teachers now, because these struggling learners have stretched us far beyond what we thought we knew. We are so much richer because of them.HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-24270819466306600412011-09-28T05:48:00.006-04:002011-09-28T07:10:54.072-04:0010 ways to recycle your old tableclothI love the look of wood floors. I also have a dust allergy and since rugs and carpets tend to retain dust the wood laminates and flooring seem to help. I use a central vacuum system so the dust is not recycled back into the air, leaving me a sneezy mess for hours after I've finished cleaning the floors. After vacuuming, I whip out my Swiffer to finish up the cleaning. It looks great until it rains. Let me explain.<br /><br />My 95 pound goldendoodle doggy, Slapshot, is active and playful and his big paws get very dirty. I keep old towels and rags by the back door to wipe his paws when he comes in from my backyard. Neither of us is very proficient at getting the dog to stand on 3 legs while the fourth gets wiped off. At the first opportunity, the dog trots off and inevitably I've missed some of the mud on his paws and it gets distributed on the floors.<br /><br />Then we added another goldendoodle doggy, Daisy Mae, to the family and the dust and mud seemed to increase exponentially. With two dogs, they tend to wrestle and chase each other around the back yard. My back yard is fenced in, but it's not nearly large enough for these dogs to run freely. They have a kind of running circuit they've developed, which has resulted in paths that have worn the grass away leaving only dirt.<br /><br />Every time it rains, the dog-worn dirt paths turn into mud. This was messy enough when I had just one dog, but with the two of them they have expanded their dirt paths into mud pits. They romp around and cover themselves and each other with mud as they play. When they come back into the house, they smell like swamp things. Since the paw wiping attempts can't eliminate all the dirt the floors tend to get filthy and the dust increases.<br /><br />In my dream house I now include a shower stall in my laundry room so I can spray the dogs and wash them off every single time they come in. Maybe, since it's my dream house, I can rig something up kind of car wash style so the dogs have to pass through that and the bathing occurs automatically when they reenter the house. I definitely want to include those swishing cloths at the end and the blow drying, so by the time the dogs emerge they are both clean and dry.<br /><br />Since my dream house doesn't exist, and I like to recycle and save money, I was pretty happy with myself when I thought of putting an old vinyl tablecloth just inside the back door. Those flannel-backed tablecloths are easy to clean but not especially long lasting. A few mishaps with the scissors while working on a homeschool project can leave holes pretty easily. A cat jumping onto the table can leave claw perforations and sooner or later the table cloth needs replaced. It seemed such a waste to just throw it out. When we had a rainy spell, the inspiration to use it as a floor mat hit me like a mud pie in flight.<br /><br />It didn't eliminate the mud that the dogs tracked in, but it contained some of it and I could just toss the tablecloth into the washer as needed. It worked better than my previous attempt to contain the mud by layering newspapers across the laundry room floor. The dogs tore the paper up, and then the cat peed on them. Enough said about that.<br /><br />Then my inspiration kicked up a notch and I realized that the tablecloth would actually absorb some of the wet mess if I put it on the floor <span style="font-style: italic;">upside down</span> so the flannel back was facing up. Please don't ask why I didn't think of this until several days into my tablecloth floor mat idea, because I don't have a good answer. It seems so logical in retrospect.<br /><br />Now when I let my muddy dogs in from the mud pit known as my back yard, I keep them standing on the flannel for a few minutes. It seems to help wick away some of the moisture on their paws so there's not as much to try and wipe away. It doesn't get rid of all the mess, but it does lessen it considerably. That got me thinking about other uses for my tablecloth, and you can add your own ideas to mine. Here's what I came up with:<br /><br />If you have an old flannel back table cloth, you could cut it into large pieces and use them for:<br /><ol><li>changing pads</li><li>art smocks</li><li>under messy painting and art projects</li><li>muddy boots and shoes parking mat</li><li>car floor mats</li><li>camping mats to keep your seat dry</li><li>drying pad for hand-washed items</li><li>under pet food and water dishes</li><li>seat protectors in your car when kids and pets are wet or muddy</li><li>under bowls when cooking with children (anti-slip and drip catching)</li></ol>By the time my old flannel-backed tablecloth is worn out, I'll have another one with holes and rips ready to replace it.HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-77683916919960076152011-08-25T12:00:00.005-04:002011-08-25T13:23:40.324-04:00I Need Eleven!Have you ever been baffled or surprised by something your child says? You may be certain that you heard the words correctly, but they don't make sense. Having children with learning struggles, I often found that I needed to clarify both what I said to my children and what they were communicating to me. With a combination of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and auditory processing difficulties, communication was often a challenge. First, I had to obtain and keep my child's attention long enough to convey a message. Then I had to determine if the message had been accurately received. If distractibility and impulsivity didn't interfere, we could have a good conversation.
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<br />Children with learning disabilities often have unusual ways of expressing themselves. My son Josh had some word finding difficulties, so he would refer to the ankle as "that wrist part of your leg". Likewise, the elbow might be "the knee of your arm." Once when Josh wasn't feeling well I asked him to describe his symptoms. He often used vague and nebulous words to tell me what he felt. I felt like a detective who needed to ask just the right questions to get my suspect to tell me what I needed to know.
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<br />One time, though, Josh told me his throat was sore and described what he was feeling in this way, "I feel as if my uvula has been acided off". (I like the "uvula" part - true son of a speech therapist!) This description, although no doubt atypical for most children, painted a clear picture of the location and degree of Josh's discomfort and indeed it turned out that Josh had strep throat. "Acided" may not be a real word, but it sure got the point across. Josh usually sailed through illnesses with little response to pain, so when he complained I knew it was serious.
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<br />When children are infants, we fret because they are not able to tell us what is wrong or where they hurt. We think how nice it will be when they are able to talk and tell us more exactly what they feel. If a child is a late talker, nonverbal, or has difficulty with expressive language we have to continue interpreting possible meanings to whatever communication attempts our child is able to produce.
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<br />My daughter Beckie was a big talker, and it was easy to tell that when she wanted "lunch fries" she meant "french fries" and that her "Valentime" was a "Valentine". Since she had auditory processing issues, she said things the way she heard them and I continued in my role as communication detective to determine what Beckie was trying to convey. This was somewhat complicated by the fact that Beckie chattered a lot and was not always looking for a response but rather was processing her experiences by speaking out loud.
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<br />When she was a preschooler I noticed a frequently occurring phrase, "I need eleven!" Eleven what? I tried to figure out if she was trying to practice her counting skills, trying to collect something, or was just repeating something she had heard. But where had she heard it? Beckie was always a cuddle bunny, and was frequently snuggled up in my lap while we read books or talked. I tried to become aware of the context when she "needed eleven", but couldn't narrow it down. She said it contentedly when she was climbing onto my lap or getting a hug. She said it when she was physically hurt and when her feelings were hurt. When I asked her if she wanted to count to eleven together, she happily replied in the negative and wrapped her arms around me for a tight squeeze.
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<br />One day Beckie had been visiting one of her best friends for a play date, and I went to pick her up. She and her friend were sad to have to part ways, and the other child's mother offered comfort by asking her son if he needed a lovin. I realized that "<span style="font-style: italic;">Do you need a lovin?</span>" was a common phrase in that household, and in Beckie's young mind had been translated into "Do you need eleven?" It had nothing to do with numbers, but had a strong connotation to comfort and the expression of affection. Since I had responded in ways she needed despite my lack of understanding about what she was saying, Beckie was inadvertently effective in her communication with me.
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<br />This is just one more reminder that love can make up for so many things. We all make mistakes with our children. We realize after the fact that we erred in our approach to teaching some students. We feel the pressures to convey the right amount of information at the right times while helping our struggling students develop skills to help them be successful. Our curriculum isn't always a match for what we need. Our children may not be progressing at the rate we desire. We lose it. We yell, we apologize, and then catch ourselves being impatient again. We feel inadequate to meet all the needs we face on a daily basis. The stakes are so high.
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<br />You've heard it before but it bears repeating. What our children will remember the most is the relationship we have with them, not the specific things we deliberately taught or the strategies we used to help them learn. I blew it with my kids sometimes, and I knew it. I truly believe that my relationship with them is more important than any school subject and thus needed remediation before we could proceed with our official homeschooling. I find it very humbling, yet restorative, to apologize to my children when I have wronged them. They have always been very forgiving and amazingly resilient, a picture of God's grace to me.
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<br />Showing grace and respect runs both ways in a relationship. It builds character and will outlast the school years as a child grows into an adult. Have you been focusing so much on getting the school work done that you've lost sight of the importance of relationship? Don't let standards and benchmarks keep you from seeing the individual child who is right in front of you. Teaching a child is a great aspiration, and teaching in the context of a relationship is powerful. Children may not remember everything you've taught them, but they will remember you. Do you have the kind of relationship you want to become part of their lifelong memories? Let's give our children lots of "elevens" and protect our relationships as they grow.
<br />HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-68863352128082927092011-08-22T08:58:00.005-04:002011-08-22T09:21:28.832-04:00Calling All Homeschoolers! Buy Yourselves Some Flowers! (Encore post)
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<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixr1zCiY0vX5sNduInDaheWrTtTzRn0gE0eZrQaPgY0TKE9YK4x2qTy7GfXfPvmAVOSCC5l9qKfiAIl5ochHgLd8KJa27yiqVepI5f85vro8hq0m8mY_Pv1PMRG91fkrU2VLlKsw/s1600/Flowers1.bmp"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixr1zCiY0vX5sNduInDaheWrTtTzRn0gE0eZrQaPgY0TKE9YK4x2qTy7GfXfPvmAVOSCC5l9qKfiAIl5ochHgLd8KJa27yiqVepI5f85vro8hq0m8mY_Pv1PMRG91fkrU2VLlKsw/s200/Flowers1.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5643668447829674754" border="0" /></a>
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charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cborings%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="Edit-Time-Data" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cborings%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_editdata.mso"><!--[if !mso]> <style> v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} h3 {mso-margin-top-alt:auto; margin-right:0in; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; mso-outline-level:3; font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:shapedefaults ext="edit" spidmax="1029"> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:shapelayout ext="edit"> <o:idmap ext="edit" data="1"> </o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <u1:worddocument> <u1:view>Normal<u1:zoom>0<u1:donotoptimizeforbrowser/> </u1:zoom> </u1:view> </u1:worddocument> </xml><![endif]-->It's time for an exhortation, my friends! This is a call for all homeschoolers. If you are starting a new school year, on your first day back to school go buy yourself some flowers. I started this tradition for myself years ago, and since then I have been urging my fellow homeschoolers to join me in starting out right each new school year by buying some lovely fresh flowers to commemorate the onset of another year of homeschooling. Please join me in this tradition even if it is your first year of homeschooling or you are an “empty desker” with grown-up homeschooled children. All are welcome!<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I began this tradition to help myself get excited and enthused for another school year. Having a son and daughter who struggled with numerous learning challenges, school was never an easy time for us. I have friends whose children basically taught themselves to read. That sure never happened in our home school. As the "Back to School" specials and commercials increased in frequency during August and school supply sales had started as early as July, I found I had to take deep breaths and tell myself, "It's going to be all right, Melinda. You've made it this far. You know this is the right thing to do, and you can do it. One day at a time. One lesson at a time." <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7GQQuM5Svhf-3p3zJZGZ2KzO1roHGPOCus8WrmC7WjBaNw1x0-XH8lgdonBIjKqLCJVewc31fNvMqv_m_zr3FLYVBSOtXEWfL6HSdsznCAfQKT-ROaOshTMexLg2SKr1YiD1__Q/s1600/flowers2.bmp"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7GQQuM5Svhf-3p3zJZGZ2KzO1roHGPOCus8WrmC7WjBaNw1x0-XH8lgdonBIjKqLCJVewc31fNvMqv_m_zr3FLYVBSOtXEWfL6HSdsznCAfQKT-ROaOshTMexLg2SKr1YiD1__Q/s200/flowers2.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5643668706765019858" border="0" /></a><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508786311918818818" spid="_x0000_s1026" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEKD0EzhwTVYckvHRgd1gFBLkDqYSE536ITbsfKDxhZfiFIYbC2byBG-8H6DtmzJDSXE-lE2qCDIJ1oei2SNbtWnjM1Sm3qllgtoIXnriIpb4Tvq51JwiszKYQZq4b5OEmY1wtYQ/s1600/IMG_2512.JPG" style="'position:absolute;left:0;text-align:left;margin-left:189pt;" wrapcoords="-68 0 -68 21510 21600 21510 21600 0 -68 0" button="t"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\borings\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image002.jpg" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEKD0EzhwTVYckvHRgd1gFBLkDqYSE536ITbsfKDxhZfiFIYbC2byBG-8H6DtmzJDSXE-lE2qCDIJ1oei2SNbtWnjM1Sm3qllgtoIXnriIpb4Tvq51JwiszKYQZq4b5OEmY1wtYQ/s320/IMG_2512.JPG"> <w:wrap type="tight"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->While other moms in my neighborhood were counting down the days until school started again and were making plans to meet for coffee the first morning school was back in session, I knew that my work would just be picking up again at that point and I would not be included in the neighborhood back to school social gatherings. In my community, very few people choose to homeschool. In fact, in all the years I have been homeschooling there have only been a handful of other homeschooling families in our area. I made up for this by talking to myself while drinking my coffee as we started our homeschool day. You can call it a parent-teacher conference if it makes you feel better!<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I actually homeschool year round, but we have a much lighter schedule during the summer months. The onset of a new school year meant getting back up to a full schedule, and I admit if I thought about it too much it was more overwhelming than exciting to think what the next year would bring. It didn’t seem right to begin the homeschool year feeling a bit sorry for myself, so I made myself coffee and decided to celebrate the new school year with my own homeschool style kickoff.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I started buying myself flowers on our first official day of school for the year. I would select a nice bouquet and a card for my children to sign for me. At this point I have to confess that one year I was especially dreading the onset of school because the previous year had been so rough. If you have a struggling learner or family challenges and you homeschool long enough, you come to realize that not only will you have “on” days and “off” days, you sometimes have “off” years. During one particularly hard year, my son hit a growth spurt and grew two inches in about six months. Unfortunately, it seemed like that was all he did, because the physical changes affected him so greatly that as far as we could tell all we had to show for our time was his big feet and dangly arms but not much had happened in the academic realm. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508784735143080306" spid="_x0000_s1027" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmLQdD0tgcE079nR5OwKrrs3YAZDRriJC_DzT2QcLeemaHQtmTW3DsVgKiiSXQ3zr1aRe4hPy1dehrW7G15yo5-KI2pAtQwz3jX7MUO6zeji1Igq8TL_Wt7Eh9LKZfCGgA96pi_A/s1600/butterfly.jpg" style="'position:absolute;left:0;text-align:left;margin-left:0;margin-top:7.8pt;" wrapcoords="-54 0 -54 21538 21600 21538 21600 0 -54 0" button="t"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\borings\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image003.jpg" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmLQdD0tgcE079nR5OwKrrs3YAZDRriJC_DzT2QcLeemaHQtmTW3DsVgKiiSXQ3zr1aRe4hPy1dehrW7G15yo5-KI2pAtQwz3jX7MUO6zeji1Igq8TL_Wt7Eh9LKZfCGgA96pi_A/s400/butterfly.jpg"> <w:wrap type="tight"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7dpfjaNBwyaofHVfMX7RUURgyoNpTAPTTEtYefNNAWYdvSpMwkMqmh5HreodTN70_n-pr6lvRz-Y8Rptoz4cM1mLeP5M3iq7eYKQbMPZpBkKQgEu_GQtFxraXVqLjQ-5e_3YQYg/s1600/Flowers3.bmp"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 173px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7dpfjaNBwyaofHVfMX7RUURgyoNpTAPTTEtYefNNAWYdvSpMwkMqmh5HreodTN70_n-pr6lvRz-Y8Rptoz4cM1mLeP5M3iq7eYKQbMPZpBkKQgEu_GQtFxraXVqLjQ-5e_3YQYg/s200/Flowers3.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5643669192931925378" border="0" /></a>The coming year held no guarantees that things would be any less challenging, so when I picked out my flowers I selected a "With Deepest Sympathy" card for my children to sign. With their impulsivity issues, it wasn't until <i>after</i> they had scrawled their names on the card that they noticed the "With Deepest Sympathy" part at the top of the card. Then I heard cries of "Mo-om!" and we all had a good laugh together. I think it's o.k. for our kids to know that sometimes homeschooling is hard for us, too. It’s absolutely worth it, but we do make sacrifices and face challenges at times.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">One year my daughter who graduated from our homeschool in 2006 bought me the flowers and picked out a card. Perhaps this will lead to an even better tradition where the children mature and decide to buy you flowers! In the meantime, please join me in buying yourself fresh flowers and having your children sign the card for you. Be sure to share this idea with your homeschooling friends as we embark on another school year. I’d love to hear about your “Back to School” flowers.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <!--[endif]--> HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-23718077957833828742011-08-18T19:43:00.012-04:002011-08-18T20:44:49.862-04:00Dear Slapshot<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixjZtK7Bmkp6DsYmqOVnb4kRJBe2VdrbsDrt9m39p22bipT7_E22fQtyEzBawqdVFFj18kbwUIopnmcQNDTYl_q4oPjp9X1nAmlrKvrnH5zGpTfb_wA3d0aZ0_vtmb-lTWFzuCdA/s1600/photo+14.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixjZtK7Bmkp6DsYmqOVnb4kRJBe2VdrbsDrt9m39p22bipT7_E22fQtyEzBawqdVFFj18kbwUIopnmcQNDTYl_q4oPjp9X1nAmlrKvrnH5zGpTfb_wA3d0aZ0_vtmb-lTWFzuCdA/s320/photo+14.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5642358159059361026" border="0" /></a>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>Slapshot has been a certified therapy dog since February 2011. He loves sharing his doggy love with people of all ages, and enjoys his fan mail and the pictures children draw for him. Recently an organization invited Slapshot to have his own column in their newsletter. Slapshot is happy to answer any questions he can (I type for him since he has a little difficulty with the act of writing!) and here is the first installment for the column, "Dear Slapshot" as dictated to Slapshot's handler, Melinda.
<br />
<br /><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">Dear Slapshot,</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>What is a therapy dog?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Can any dog become a certified therapy dog?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Sincerely,</p><p class="MsoNormal">Curious in Columbus</p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk3oz28VqWXSsx8D5Rqom9ri3PtS7fGQcKTi3Im-xEn4VHWYQtRtnewxyG8lLmdKMsZNOQ316_TZ5stN0GS5-8wHbGRMcLnW83fMrtImdWhazHVkmaomsJcIuO4D0zbs4UNWpngA/s1600/photo+18.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk3oz28VqWXSsx8D5Rqom9ri3PtS7fGQcKTi3Im-xEn4VHWYQtRtnewxyG8lLmdKMsZNOQ316_TZ5stN0GS5-8wHbGRMcLnW83fMrtImdWhazHVkmaomsJcIuO4D0zbs4UNWpngA/s320/photo+18.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5642356645734005442" border="0" /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Dear Curious,</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>A therapy dog has to love people of all ages and want to visit with them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I kept showing my owners that I was a dog meant to be shared by greeting everyone we met on walks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When I showed them how much people liked visiting with me, they took me to an evaluator for Therapy Dogs International and I passed my test.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Any breed of dog can be evaluated to see if therapy dog work is for them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A dog has to be at least one year old, but training can start earlier than that and I was 2 years old when I became a certified therapy dog.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am almost three years old now and I love my work.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Therapy dogs have to have a great temperament and tolerate other animals.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I actually like most animals, too!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Not to brag, but I think I’m a natural at this therapy dog stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’d like to meet you, too, and your family and your friends, and your neighbors, and your pets – well, you get the idea!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Sincerely,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Slapshot</p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Dear Slapshot,</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>What kind of dog are you?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Wondering in Westerville</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Dear Wondering,</p><p style="text-align: left;" class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivPPi6drX9hyphenhyphenr5WRMefjyhNAsqcFXS2faSWnaMG8Zat3xd2BJLaBrDp7yUOs2QMMhVeJ6VXyr4ZUnYHGaPRHeXZIENfC6WUyWYiId4E8ExiR9jcMTJyajCGrxGAPXZ4b0NkU0dMg/s1600/photo+23.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivPPi6drX9hyphenhyphenr5WRMefjyhNAsqcFXS2faSWnaMG8Zat3xd2BJLaBrDp7yUOs2QMMhVeJ6VXyr4ZUnYHGaPRHeXZIENfC6WUyWYiId4E8ExiR9jcMTJyajCGrxGAPXZ4b0NkU0dMg/s320/photo+23.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5642357011097523794" border="0" /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Well, I am a very good dog, for one thing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And people tell me I am handsome.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But I guess you are wondering what breed I am.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am a goldendoodle.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My Dad was a 55 lb. standard white poodle and my Mom was a 75 lb. golden retriever.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Guess how much I weigh?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>95 pounds!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I was no runt of my litter!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Goldendoodles are considered “designer dogs” because they are intelligent, have good temperaments, and don’t shed as much as most dogs.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Honestly, I still shed some but my goldendoodle sister doesn’t shed much at all.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She also only weighs 53 pounds and we look very different even though she also had a white standard poodle Dad and a golden retriever Mom, but not the same parents as me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m pretty big for my breed, so some people are a little intimidated until they get to know me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>One patient I visited told me I was as big as a calf, whatever that is.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I guess she likes me, though, because she still pets me and even told me she loved me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I love her, too.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Sincerely,</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Slapshot</p>
<br />HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-29763698743541166772011-07-27T11:59:00.007-04:002011-07-27T13:40:32.809-04:00iPad Grant for kids with autismWhen it comes to technology, I have way more ambition than skill. Getting an iPhone a couple years ago helped me see how even a novice user could find and use great apps. Diving further into the utility of technology for my personal enjoyment as well as my speech therapy practice, I was drawn to the iPad2.<br /><br />Last spring my wonderful husband bought me an iPad2 (I may have given him a few helpful hints) and I dove into technology and apps with the aforementioned ambition. In addition to educational apps and therapy tools, I am impressed with the potential of the iPad2 to be used as a communication device.<br /><br />One big drawback with most communication devices is that they are bulky and heavy, therefore the children may not drag their devices with them wherever they go. I've also seen devices that are used primarily by adults who know the child well and can "read" them enough to select the page or icon needed. Basically when this happens, the child is communicating to an adult who then communicates with the augmentative communication device.<br /><br />The iPad2, I think, will be (and already is for some of us) the Augmentative Communication device of the future. Thin and lightweight, it's already ideal for portability. There are more communication apps becoming available daily, and they can be customized for individual needs. iPads are significantly less expensive than traditional devices and some insurance companies are catching on and starting to cover some of the costs.<br /><br />Then there's the cool factor (spoken like a true nerd still longing for coolness) that the iPad offers. LOTS of people have iPads or would like to, and children using them have devices that don't look like "tools" but are appealing and versatile, and, well, just plain cool. On the spot, pictures can be taken and added to a communication app. Aides will not need extensive training for iPad use, because it is so user-friendly even a novice with technology (ahem, like myself) can easily learn to implement apps.<br /><br />I came across a site, iTaalk.org, and saw that the iTaalk Autism Foundation is giving away an iPad a day until December 31, 2011 for children diagnosed with autism. There is an application online at their website, along with more information about iTaalk.org. Check out the resources and training for parents and professionals after you read about the grant at the link below.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.itaalk.org/ipadadaygrant.html">http://www.itaalk.org/ipadadaygrant.html </a>HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-71639623646847496542011-07-19T11:49:00.004-04:002011-07-19T12:44:45.492-04:00Homeschool Flashback #5 Executive Functions<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSxwr8n2UK2ziw3fvoFMYqzMZd1wMJlVIXnOpeojefD5FRpkz_x2TvVM5BASlGfZbKwdxGUoSud6ptdbjt9zSz1hHn_7H_sh6TZ4drtvLPghz6moJvhVZmbbhL3lXuO7RzLWqIjA/s1600/IMG_9927.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSxwr8n2UK2ziw3fvoFMYqzMZd1wMJlVIXnOpeojefD5FRpkz_x2TvVM5BASlGfZbKwdxGUoSud6ptdbjt9zSz1hHn_7H_sh6TZ4drtvLPghz6moJvhVZmbbhL3lXuO7RzLWqIjA/s320/IMG_9927.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5631091279998268434" border="0" /></a><br />Ahhh, executive functions. We love them, and when they are lacking we long for them. Children with AD/HD struggle to develop vital executive functions such as organization and planning. Students with learning disabilities and struggling learners (officially identified or not) often have some degree of executive dysfunction.<br /><br />Any experienced teacher can look at a student's notebook and tell if that student is able to organize and access the information and materials they will need. Intelligence plays a part in academic success, sure, but the organized student typically comes out on top. Executive functions help students to show what they know. If they have completed an assignment but can't locate it the teacher has no way to assess their performance. A very bright student who forgets about an assignment or fails to complete the work even though he has the capacity to do so will be out-performed by an average student with the executive functioning skills to complete tasks accurately and on time.<br /><br />Children with learning challenges work harder and longer to get results and deficits in executive functioning impact all areas of life, not just the academic realm. Consider, for example, the child who forgets he made plans with one friend and is off with another when the first friend comes calling. Or the child who struggles with time management and is chronically disorganized causing her to be late for practice again because she can't find her mouthguard.<br /><br />Some children just naturally seem to develop executive functions as they mature. Others need much more direct instruction than our modeling alone provides. In the picture above, you can see the rudiments of Josh's attempt to develop some executive function skills. He has written out the date and the tasks he needs to accomplish each day. He put a check mark next to completed work. Josh's system is far from sophisticated, but it reflects his burgeoning attempts to incorporate some organization into his day.<br /><br />Is Josh's method acceptable? It wouldn't be what I would choose, but Josh is a unique individual. I had shown Josh various organizers and examples that I would use but he had to find something that worked for him. The picture shows what he came up with, and although there are many things I would do differently the idea was for Josh to find a system that worked for him.<br /><br />It's too bad executive function skills can't just be absorbed by spending time with people who excel with them. The good news is that executive skills can be taught. It may take awhile, but they are so important that it's worth the investment of time to help your children develop in these areas. Experts say that executive function skills continue to develop into the twenties, but don't wait to start working on them until your child is already floundering. Help your young child to develop strategies to keep track of his possessions. Assist your older children in using calendars and organizational aids. Help your child write a list of what needs to get done for the day. When executive skills don't come naturally, even the most primitive progress is just that - progress.HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-86397413016445439352011-07-07T10:26:00.006-04:002011-07-07T11:58:17.934-04:00Homeschool Flashback #4 Discipline<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlkL7lGQ1LMjY3mIVAqnQaatK1pnx8nmJ704gAYh3mZ04taC8jIgfMjugmPQPn4bjNBzKe7cXIzi3rZma89SHxh6pd8lw4J3s63GudXAX9befTgMrOGH4zgQzfB22kOvqNrED9dw/s1600/IMG_9926.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlkL7lGQ1LMjY3mIVAqnQaatK1pnx8nmJ704gAYh3mZ04taC8jIgfMjugmPQPn4bjNBzKe7cXIzi3rZma89SHxh6pd8lw4J3s63GudXAX9befTgMrOGH4zgQzfB22kOvqNrED9dw/s400/IMG_9926.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5626617036417442146" border="0" /></a> Discipline is not fun! The example above shows just what my daughter thought about having to practice her spelling words and then use them in a sentence. She became especially frustrated if she missed the same word several days in a row and had to go through the practice exercises. I thought of this discipline as a training technique to improve and develop her spelling skills and character. My daughter viewed it as punishment for being young enough that she was forced to learn to spell words and live up to adult expectations for her education.<br /><br /> How many of you teachers and parents would give in to your child at this point and not push them further? No one? That's what I thought. We push our kids to greater levels of achievement, not out of some malicious sense of payback for what we endured as children but because we know that giving up is rarely helpful. Learning to stick with a task, even one that is hated or just not fun, is something that everyone must come to terms with sooner or later. As adults we understand that hitting the wall a few times until we accomplish something makes the success all the sweeter. Likewise, giving up leaves a lingering sense of failure that is hard to eradicate.<br /><br /> In the example portrayed above, you probably noticed an unenthusiatic attitude about doing schoolwork. I did talk to my daughter both about the need to persevere and the need for self discipline. These two things generalize far beyond the academic realm and into many aspects of everyday life.<br /><br /> As I talked with my daughter, I tried to help her see that working at mundane tasks was just a part of everyday life. As a child, it might include her school work and chores. As an adult, it would encompass caring for a home and completing whatever work she had committed to do.<br /><br /> Here's the rub: if a person does not learn to discipline himself or herself, there will be others who will gladly discipline them. If you don't like being told what to do, don't wait when you see something that needs to be done. Take initiative, and no one will have to tell you what to do because you've already taken care of it. Learn to think for yourself and develop your own convictions, because if you don't there will be plenty of people who will gladly tell you what to think and how to act on their beliefs.<br /><br /> Your child may think learning to spell and do schoolwork is a pain. But it is a character growing kind of pain with a bigger purpose beyond mastery of an academic skill set. As it says in Hebrews 12: 11 "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-53493562619575470582011-06-20T10:38:00.005-04:002011-06-20T11:38:25.838-04:00A Mom Like YouIn the last six weeks, I've had the opportunity to speak at three different state homeschool conventions. At each conference I attend, I share information about learning disabilities, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorders, and Auditory Processing Disorders. More important than the facts I pass along are the real-life stories from my own family experiences. I share what didn't work as well as what worked at least some of the time. I share some of the failures and frustrations as well as our hard-won achievements.<br /><br />When my first two children graduated from our homeschool in 2006, we declared our school colors to be black and blue. We were the homeschool of hard knocks! Not only did my children struggle with learning, but I struggled to try to find better ways to teach them. One of the biggest benefits for those attending workshops for children with various special needs is to look around and realize they are not alone. There are others striving to teach children with challenges, and others who understand the difficulties families face when their child has to work harder than most for every small gain they accomplish.<br /><br />What has always amazed me is how God has prompted me to share some of the hardest, most unimpressive movements of my life and that is what people are blessed by in my workshops. Sure, I offer lots of tips and practical strategies, but what people connect with is hearing a speaker who admits to not having it all together but never gave up trying. My son is a young adult now, and he comes to conferences with me. People look at the two of us as survivors, who dealt with a lot of learning challenges and came out intact. Now Josh can share his perspective, and give parents insight into why their children may act the way they do.<br /><br />I've never had all the answers to the challenges my children faced. What I did have was a commitment to help them grow into the unique individuals God intended them to become, equipping them as best I could. Sometimes I was out of ideas for how to teach a given topic, and my kids still weren't "getting it". All I had to offer was reassurance that I would keep trying to find ways to help, and would not give up on them. I would be the knot at the end of the rope that they could hang onto. The message was: Mom doesn't have all the answers but Mom will always be there with you, coming alongside until we figure something out.<br /><br />Don't underestimate the power of just being there for your children. You don't need to know all the answers, but your kids need to know you haven't given up on them. It's in the safety of knowing your love is unwavering that your children find the courage to try again, fail or succeed, and try some more. Our children are far more than what they can or cannot do, and they each have something to offer. This overall supportive attitude has a far greater impact than the best teaching strategies in the world.<br /><br />Years ago I had a man in his 30's come up to talk to me after I presented my workshop, "Helping the Distractible Child". I don't remember which conference it was, but I will forever remember what he said to me. He explained that as a child he always had difficulty paying attention, and was constantly getting in trouble as a result. He thought he was smart enough, but couldn't sit still and had trouble completing assignments. He tried hard to comply with the demands put on him, but always felt like he was a disappointment to his parents no matter how hard he worked. "I wish I'd had a mom like you," he said. "One who could see the strengths and work with me."<br /><br />One day all of our children will be adults. I challenge you to be that Mom, the one who never gives up on her kids no matter what. Be that Dad, who is consistently there for his children regardless of their struggles. Be that husband or wife who sticks around during the hard times. Be that person, so that one day your adult children will be able to say, "I'm so glad I had a Mom (and Dad) like you."HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-69864278192495420182011-06-16T11:33:00.001-04:002011-06-20T19:10:31.434-04:00My Beckie, Homeschool Valedictorian 2011<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjoaOiQ2uLYgCYgjudyHTgpx58fV8ltjGiVaZ0UBVsdDy7Duyl_fUmvjMgqXfMfyOXSnviVTPEtegbjOmAH025-yERKiJJKzLVKV6z8awBRXpSS6KH0pevaHmtswCqXLkXUF3U4A/s1600/Beckie+Then.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 298px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjoaOiQ2uLYgCYgjudyHTgpx58fV8ltjGiVaZ0UBVsdDy7Duyl_fUmvjMgqXfMfyOXSnviVTPEtegbjOmAH025-yERKiJJKzLVKV6z8awBRXpSS6KH0pevaHmtswCqXLkXUF3U4A/s320/Beckie+Then.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5620442674099057938" border="0" /></a><span style="text-decoration: underline;"> </span>1993 was a monumental year.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was the year I started homeschooling and the year that my youngest child, Beckie, was born.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Beckie was the kind of baby who quieted as soon as she was picked up.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She always seemed content just to be with people.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As an infant, Beckie was perfectly happy with attention from any adult or child.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>By the time she was a toddler and on the move, she enthusiastically joined in play with other children.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in">Her brother and sister (Josh and Beth) were crazy about her and wanted to include her in all their activities.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They loved to teach her about whatever they were learning and when we were out and about Josh would hold one of Beckie’s hands and Beth would hold the other. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Beckie was a very versatile playmate.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She loved tea parties, dress-up times, Legos, and playing in dirt.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Josh says Beckie is the best little brother he could ever have wished for.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I can still picture Beckie’s beaming smile as she grew up, and remember thinking how very loved and confident she always looked.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>More than once I thought I could have aptl<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTvyT8sVFIGRV-9K05g6FL4WygSajJ8qyjLWpGo5iqLLojpB3TUSrCKbvHRVCBvh40T20A7BNutrQM4W0Bpuz3wZcl94atp0akH0LrFgmtjYK4-bsjlMnFKUGZ_TwVIrYXCW7UUg/s1600/Beckie+Now.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 224px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTvyT8sVFIGRV-9K05g6FL4WygSajJ8qyjLWpGo5iqLLojpB3TUSrCKbvHRVCBvh40T20A7BNutrQM4W0Bpuz3wZcl94atp0akH0LrFgmtjYK4-bsjlMnFKUGZ_TwVIrYXCW7UUg/s320/Beckie+Now.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5620443043354575442" border="0" /></a>y named her “Joy” instead of Rebecca, because she typically seemed so joyful and brought it to others.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was hard not to smile when Beckie was in the room.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Like her brother, Beckie has dealt with attention challenges (ADHD), sensory processing difficulties, and an auditory processing disorder.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Despite these struggles, Beckie has faced them with grace and determination and has experienced success.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Today she is a second degree black belt in karate and at the time of her high school graduation she has already completed her first year of college.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Beckie has grown into a lovely young woman.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is compassionate, optimistic, funny, and strong.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her sense of humor and quick-witted observations are delightful.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Beckie’s enjoyment when she is with animals and children is contagious.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She is a loyal friend and a defender of the underdog.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I think Beckie is amazing, and it has been a privilege and a blessing to be her teacher and Mom. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Beckie graduated from our homeschool, the Family Home Academy, on May 22<sup>nd</sup>, 2011.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Congratulations, Beckie!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p>HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-28878020272168860632011-06-08T15:44:00.005-04:002011-06-08T16:43:14.179-04:00Cooking and Sensory ProcessingMy son Josh is not a picky eater. He's always been good about trying new foods. If Josh resists eating something the problem he has is not usually with the taste or texture of something, but the smell.<br /><br /> As a young adult Josh now manages most of his sensory problems with ease. He has discovered that he enjoys cooking and decided he needed to expand the number of recipes he knows how to make. I've taught him the basics of meal preparation, and I compiled a list of easy-to-prepare recipes that I thought Josh would enjoy making and eating. One such recipe was "Easy Lemon Chicken". Josh would gladly consume the final, baked version of this dish. Unfortunately, and I didn't know this about Josh, he can't stand the smell of lemon juice.<br /><br /> He's fine with lemonade, lemon-scented soaps, cleaning wipes, and lemon jello. In fact, I can't think of anything lemony that Josh reacted negatively to as a child. This experience revealed that there is something different and acrid for him about lemon juice and it was so hard for him to smell that concentrated lemon scent that he had difficulty just measuring it out to make the recipe.<br /><br /> Adding to the challenge was Josh's tendency to be impulsive, which of course is consistent with his ADHD diagnosis. With all the ingredients, even very common and frequently used ones, Josh automatically gives them a sniff before adding them to a recipe. He tells me he needs to check to make sure the smell is consistent over time and that things should smell exactly the same way each time or something seems wrong and he feels suspicious about that ingredient. In any case, sniffing food items is a well-developed habit by now, though thankfully not in public anymore. <br /><br /> Josh gave the lemon juice a whiff, and had an immediate nose-wrinkling response followed by thrusting his arm as far from his nose as he could extend it. Blinking incredulously, Josh proceeded to...take another whiff from the bottle of lemon juice. Why? Partly due to impulsivity and partly due to his sensory system demanding consistency over time. He had to check again just to make sure it smelled as noxious to him as it had the first time. Yep! It still smelled awful to him, but at least he knew what to expect the second time.<br /><br /> Predictability is comforting to the sensory-challenged. It helps to know what to expect, even if it is still an unpleasant sensation. Better the bad sensory experience you know than the unexpected sensory experience which could prove very unsettling merely by the unpredictability factor. Josh powered through the olfactory assault as he prepared the recipe, although it wasn't as "easy" for him as the recipe name implied.HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-3372443194821425302011-06-02T20:50:00.004-04:002011-06-02T20:59:44.222-04:00Can Dogs Have ADHD?<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span>I walked in the door after a busy day and was greeted enthusiastically by my two goldendoodles.<span style=""> </span>They wiggled and wagged their tails frantically around me, my husband, my daughter, and son as if they hadn’t seen us in days.<span style=""> </span>In reality, it had only been a few hours, but it’s always nice to be welcomed home by those who are always thrilled to see you.<span style=""> <p class="MsoNormal"></span> <span style=""> </span>After greeting the dogs and saying hello to the cat who watched calmly from across the room, I noticed that there were bits of debris strewn on the dining room floor.<span style=""> </span>Uh-oh.<span style=""> </span>There were chewed up bits of paper along with other items that had been in the trash can when I left home. There was also a trail from the kitchen into the dining room, and it looked like the dogs (or at least one of them) had been pretty busy making a mess while we were gone.<span style=""> </span>I put the dogs in the back yard so we could get things cleaned up without their helpful interference.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Slapshot, who is 2 years old, at least knows how to act like a dog in trouble.<span style=""> </span>He avoids eye contact, tucks his tail a bit, and slinks a little.<span style=""> </span>He takes himself to the back door and waits to be let out, darting down the steps as soon as he can squeeze his 95 pound doggy self through the opening door.<span style=""> </span>He doesn’t bark to be let in until we come and call him or he feels he has paid his penance.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Daisy, on the other hand, is just over a year old and is totally clueless as to what it means to be in the doghouse.<span style=""> </span>She gives the same toothy grin when she’s getting her leash on to go for a walk as when we discover she has chewed up a shoe and scold her.<span style=""> </span>If she is put outside so we can clean up after her, she eagerly heads out and looks over her shoulder to see if we are coming along to play with her.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I’m not sure, but if there is a doggy ADHD I think she may have it.<span style=""> </span>Some of the signs are there.<span style=""> </span>Let’s see.<span style=""> </span>She’s definitely hyper, and enjoys jumping on and off my furniture.<span style=""> </span>Multiple times. <span style=""> </span>She persists despite correction and redirection of this behavior. <span style=""> </span>This is consistent with the hyperactivity my two ADHD children displayed when they were young.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Impulsivity?<span style=""> </span>In spades.<span style=""> </span>I have to be on the alert when I walk her because if she sees something interesting she will take off on a moment’s notice and try to drag me along behind her.<span style=""> </span>I suspect that dragging sensation she feels is the only way she even remembers I am with her.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Distractible?<span style=""> </span>Daisy excels in this category as well.<span style=""> </span>I have been training her in basic obedience skills, starting with the command to sit.<span style=""> </span>At first, she just gave me that toothy grin while lunging for whatever treats I had to give her incentive to learn to sit.<span style=""> </span>Then she would sit just long enough for her tail to hit the floor and she’d be back to the lunging.<span style=""> </span>It would have been great if I had been trying to teach her to bounce her hind end on the floor, but I actually wanted her to sit and stay put for a little bit.<span style=""> </span>I should probably mention that I also had this experience with my ADHD children!<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">At this point, Daisy can sit with Slapshot by her side providing a strong role model.<span style=""> </span>He’s in it for the treats, but that’s o.k.<span style=""> </span>After I give the command to sit, I give the command to stay.<span style=""> </span>I step back and maintain eye contact while giving the hand signal for “stay”.<span style=""> </span>Slapshot is an old pro with this command, and he sits still as a statue while never taking his gaze from me.<span style=""> </span>Daisy watches me intently for about two seconds, but if there is a noise or movement nearby she <i style="">has</i> to look in that direction.<span style=""> </span>She just has to, she can’t resist the urge.<span style=""> </span>Again, not unlike my distractible kids.<span style=""> </span>Yes, she wants the treat.<span style=""> </span>But sometimes it’s not worth missing out on something else.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">ADHD children have difficulty completing tasks.<span style=""> </span>Once again, this is true of Daisy.<span style=""> </span>What tasks could a dog have to do?<span style=""> </span>How about eating her dinner?<span style=""> </span>Slapshot is a big dog, and gobbles his food down as fast as his specially-designed-to-slow-him-down dish allows.<span style=""> </span>Daisy, while not as large as Slapshot, is also a large dog who <i style="">forgets to finish the food in the bowl right in front of her</i>.<span style=""> </span>While Slapshot greedily inhales his food, Daisy has trouble initiating and dawdles around her bowl. <span style=""> </span>(Another executive function skill my children struggled with growing up – but never when it came to food!)<span style=""> </span>After a minute or so, Daisy begins to eat.<span style=""> </span>She is genuinely hungry, but will abandon her food for almost any competing stimuli.<span style=""> </span>If she hears another dog barking outside, someone at the door, or even if I take a few steps away from her, she lifts her head and goes to where the action is – even if it means that Slapshot will try and finish her food once his is gone.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I’ve always said a label can be useful if it helps you find information and get support for what you are experiencing.<span style=""> </span>I already live with three individuals with the ADHD diagnosis, so I am recognizing Daisy’s symptoms early on.<span style=""> </span>Daisy is a delight, even if she still has to learn that being cute doesn’t cut it.<span style=""> </span>My family members can be pretty delightful, too.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">In addition to the sc<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg5M_ya0pAATlYEezjnZBZgKeSD1RVh49IZNtCPXvO8CvWl1DUYff9lCpNhZcH9tBDoZFMr35P7dRykNW8-PNC_pgmv1pGntyeS_ivyWD7C5wBVRN2nz1T15Drr1Ojx5zeFNXE7A/s1600/I+have+fresh+breath.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg5M_ya0pAATlYEezjnZBZgKeSD1RVh49IZNtCPXvO8CvWl1DUYff9lCpNhZcH9tBDoZFMr35P7dRykNW8-PNC_pgmv1pGntyeS_ivyWD7C5wBVRN2nz1T15Drr1Ojx5zeFNXE7A/s320/I+have+fresh+breath.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613789940555771154" border="0" /></a>attered trash in my dining room, Daisy had pulled a box of dryer sheets off the shelf in my laundry room and had chewed up the box and scattered the sheets around the room.<span style=""> </span>She did not ingest any, just spread them around.<span style=""> </span>As we cleaned up the mess my son suddenly commented, “Hey!<span style=""> </span>It smells pretty nice in here!”<span style=""> </span>Immediately the other two ADHD individuals stopped what they were doing to take a moment to enjoy the fresh aroma caused by Daisy’s chewing and all agreed that the room smelled wonderful.<span style=""> </span>Way to live in the moment, guys!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Slapshot and Daisy came back in the house once we had the mess cleared away.<span style=""> </span>Daisy trotted up to me with her usual enthusiasm and toothy doggy grin.<span style=""> </span>I bent over to pet her, and as she gazed lovingly up at me I realized that her typical doggy breath had been replaced by the lovely fabric softener scent of Clean Rain.</p>HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-4642211392834846962011-04-29T18:43:00.008-04:002011-04-29T20:46:49.976-04:00Homeschool Flashback #3 Writing Skills<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqR7jVmOw27P0MWk_TFM1WRp1_Qwh7fidom4adsDXpSv1msbVua7T9tOzTJzhZ6vsjK9USLjdK5yrCUTGgcKIUbHNmTxp-BrqDFJu4lN5KQGGJEJACtG91zzZwf0bCmQIfctWptg/s1600/IMG_9925.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqR7jVmOw27P0MWk_TFM1WRp1_Qwh7fidom4adsDXpSv1msbVua7T9tOzTJzhZ6vsjK9USLjdK5yrCUTGgcKIUbHNmTxp-BrqDFJu4lN5KQGGJEJACtG91zzZwf0bCmQIfctWptg/s320/IMG_9925.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5601140570154654098" border="0" /></a><br />Take a look at this paper. What kind of information does it tell you? Right off the bat you can see that this child, my son Josh, has difficulty with writing tasks. His letters stay on the lines pretty well and he is doing a good job of leaving spaces between words. Margins are still a bit challenging. He remembers to capitalize the first letter at the beginning of a sentence. His spelling needs to develop. But look how hard he is working just to get the ideas out of his head, through his hand and onto his paper. Some of the letters are darker from the force of his pencil on the paper. Others are lighter, indicating an inconsistency in his ability to grade the force of pressure he uses when putting pencil to paper. Sometimes the letters or entire words have been traced multiple times. Why would he trace some letters several times but not others? Could this be indicative of a neurological issue? Is he even aware that he is perseverating on some of the letters? If you could observe him during the process of writing you would see that he does not form the letters consistently from one word to the next. Sometimes his "i" starts at the top and is drawn in a downward motion. Other times he starts on the line and writes with an upward motion. When he is in tracing mode, he might write it both ways several times. Imagine if you were writing and had to stop and think how to form the letters because you didn't have an established pattern. Josh was dealing with multiple challenges just to get a few of his thoughts down on paper. Here's how I tried to help him. I did some of the <a href="http://www.headsupnow.com/products-page/addadhd/brain-gym/">Brain Gym</a> activities to help information flow more easily between his right and left brain hemispheres. I had him use mechanical pencils, which kept the degree of sharpness more stable than other types of pencils. He tried different pencil grips to see if they would help his hand to relax so the writing could flow more easily. I made sure Josh had adequate arm support and was using his non-dominant hand to stabilize the paper. He tried writing with a slant board. I wondered if his letter and number tracing could be due to anxiety or OCD, but that was ruled out. Eventually, Josh was able to tell me that he was processing and trying to internally organize himself as he traced. I stopped trying so hard to get him to write in cursive, and decided to be satisfied if he was able to sign his name easily and could write in cursive if it became necessary. I also wrote him occasional notes in cursive writing to be sure he was able to read them. For the most part, though, we concentrated on printing. With all of these interventions, I did see improvement in his writing. It became more fluid and automatic, but if he concentrated too much on making his printing very neat his writing became laboriously slow. When I introduced keyboarding, he greatly preferred it to paper and pencil writing. Although I tried multiple typing programs to help Josh learn touch typing, he resisted them all and has his own method of typing. It works for him, and today as a young adult he is a prolific writer. He is planning to start a blog, and I hope to be able to share that with you soon so that you can be encouraged by the growth of this previously-struggling writer.HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-45841444522767496182011-04-09T14:52:00.006-04:002011-04-09T16:22:34.965-04:00"My Ball Died"When I heard the words "My ball died" coming out of the mouth of a preschool boy I was seeing for speech therapy, I tried not to show alarm. "Tommy" didn't seem to be too upset, but he was clearly trying to tell me about something that mattered to him. I had not heard of any recent loss in this boy's life, but then again I only saw him once a week for speech therapy and didn't know about every single person in his life. I wanted to be compassionate and allow him to talk about what was on his mind. Tommy already had a very hard time expressing himself due to speech articulation (pronunciation) errors. Even to those familiar with Tommy's speech patterns, his speech intelligibility was poor. When I repeated his words back to him for clarification, he responded vigorously with head shakes and repeated insistently, "No. My ball died." Some children, when hearing their incorrect speech production repeated back to them, will recognize that what they are saying does not match the message they are trying to convey. As a result, some children will alter how they are pronouncing words in order to increase their intelligibility. Tommy was not one of those children. He kept saying the same thing in exactly the same way, over and over again with no change. Tommy still did not appear distressed, but was making eye contact and eagerly awaiting my response. As a speech therapist, I have been asked how to respond when you just don't understand what a child is trying to say. I think the correct response is usually dependent on the situation. If the child is just chatting to make a connection with another person, then it may be more critical to be responsive and caring than to determine exactly what has been said. Sometimes asking the child "Can you show me?" helps them use nonverbal means to get their meaning across. This is limited to messages that can actually be pointed out or demonstrated, though, so much of the time it isn't a very effective strategy. The strategy of pretending to understand the child can backfire, because you may be consenting to something you don't intend to or the child may try to continue the conversation and sooner or later the fact that you are faking comprehension will become obvious. Could this affect your relationship with the child? Another option when a child is clearly trying to convey a message to you is to begin asking questions to see if you can narrow down the possible topics the child is talking about. Even with barely intelligible children, knowing the context of what they are talking about makes it easier to discern what they are attempting to say. In Tommy's case, I started by asking him if someone in his family had died. Tommy looked uncertain, so I started naming possibilities by using yes/no questions since Tommy was able to respond accurately to them. "Did your grandpa die?" "Did your dog die?" and so on. Tommy continued to shake his head "no". When this line of questioning lead nowhere, I tried asking about his toys. "Did you lose a ball?" "Did something happen to your ball?" Again I was met with repeated head shakes and the verbal assertion, always pronounced exactly the same way, "My ball died." Tommy wasn't giving up on me, but continued to make eye contact with a hopeful expression on his face. I was feeling more and more inadequate to help this sweet child who apparently had some kind of loss to grieve. Through the open window of the room we were using for speech therapy, we could hear the sounds of children playing. Following a particularly loud vocal outburst from one of the children outside, Tommy cocked his head, grinned, and happily pronounced, "My ball died!" He certainly didn't look upset about a death, but instead looked at me in triumph as if he had just proven a point. Given the context, the words, and Tommy's speech sound error pattern, things began to fall into place. Hesitantly, I asked another question, "Is your <span style="font-style: italic;">brother outside</span>?" Tommy responded with enthusiastic head nods, repeating once again with a look of utter satisfaction, "My ball died." Okay. So no one died and nothing was lost or irreparably damaged. What a relief! For whatever reason, it was very important to Tommy that I acknowledged that his brother was outside. Although it had to be frustrating for him when he couldn't quickly or easily convey his message, he was eventually rewarded for his persistence and I was relieved to discover that in fact, no ball had actually died.HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-21494966207007226502011-03-31T10:57:00.004-04:002011-03-31T11:50:03.813-04:00Say What?I love talking with my son, Josh. He has such interesting perspectives and the way he verbally expresses himself gives me insight into how he thinks and processes information. When he was young, Josh had some difficulty remembering words so he would use descriptions to get his point across. He once described his ankle as "you know, that part that's like the wrist of your leg". He tended to use vague words such as "thing" and "that" rather than specific word labels. Despite the circumlocutions, I could always tell what Josh was talking about. Since Josh struggled to recognize many nonverbal signals and had to be taught how to use appropriate body language when he interacted, I could never take it for granted that Josh would just pick up on social cues and be able to express himself adequately. He could learn how to interact with other people, but he had to be taught specific discrete skills for social interactions. For my daughters, social skills came naturally and they just seemed to intuitively know how to relate to others. For Josh, it was like being in a foreign land where everyone else seemed to know the language but he struggled to learn basic communication and was vulnerable to being frequently misunderstood. I did speech therapy with Josh to work on conversational turn-taking, topic maintenance, and nonverbal ways to let a listener know he was interested. Unfortunately, Josh often was not interested in what others wanted to talk about, so then I had to teach him about being polite and a good friend by sometimes letting someone else take the conversational lead. Once Josh had some of the basic skills for social interaction and was able to express himself more effectively, he continued to practice and fine tune his communication exchanges. I noticed that Josh often did not respond when given a compliment. Outside of the family, Josh didn't get many positive comments so he didn't really know how to respond when it happened. I talked to Josh about possible responses and we role-played several situations together. After our practice session I reminded Josh that he had lots of strengths worthy of compliments so it was good that he was learning how to respond to them. Josh informed me that "Vanity was never my strongest weakness." Say what? After some probing (they don't call me the Momster for nothing) I was able to help Josh expand his message so that I could understand what he meant. His intention was to indicate that although he was aware that he had many significant challenges, being vain was not one of them. Therefore, he needed some help in learning how to respond to compliments. Even today, Josh comes up with some unique responses that catch me by surprise. Just this morning our dogs were playing and one of them ran over and stood next to me. I said, "Look, Josh, she's on base." After a brief pause, Josh jokingly said, "Then I'll be lead guitar." Say what? Translation: "base" sounds like "bass" as in a type of guitar. What's a band without both bass and lead guitars? Josh was making a play on words, and at least now he understands what I say and makes a deliberate choice to joke and say funny things.HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10402960.post-20265722163701019092011-03-20T22:42:00.000-04:002011-03-20T22:43:04.338-04:00Picky Eaters<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> 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mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">If you have a picky eater, you’ve probably heard comments such as “Don’t worry, she’ll eat when she’s hungry” or “All young children are picky eaters.”<span style=""> </span>While these statements may be true of most typically-developing children, some kids take picky eating to the extreme and mealtimes are miserable for all involved.<span style=""> </span>There are some children who can refuse foods indefinitely, long past the point when most would respond to hunger signals.<span style=""> </span>Others eat such a limited number of food items that their diet is extremely restricted to just a few accepted foods. Some children insist on using the same plate and cup each time they eat.<span style=""> </span>Many children with feeding aversions often resist even a change in the brand of foods they will eat. <span style=""> </span>Is picky eating just a normal part of childhood?<span style=""> </span>For some, it is far more than a developmental stage and can become a serious concern for the family.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>A friend of mine went into a panic when she learned that the only brand of frozen waffles that her son would eat was being discontinued by the manufacturer.<span style=""> </span>In desperation, she went to several stores to stock up on that particular brand of waffles while feeling anxious about what her son would eat when one of his regular, accepted foods was no longer available.<span style=""> </span>This little guy had multiple allergies and would only eat a few different foods.<span style=""> </span>His parents were obviously very worried about his nutrition, and the more they pushed their son to eat, the stronger the resistance they encountered.<span style=""> </span>Mealtimes, which his parents had hoped would be an enjoyable time of togetherness, instead became a battleground fraught with stressful interactions.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>Feeding aversions and extreme picky eating can have a number of underlying physical causes.<span style=""> </span>A child who has been on a feeding tube may not have developed the muscle coordination needed for eating.<span style=""> </span>They may have to be taught how to bite and chew foods.<span style=""> </span>Without adequate feeding skills, children may resist foods that seem too challenging to them.<span style=""> </span>Some children stuff their mouths with food or just mash food using the tongue instead of moving the food to the molars to chew.<span style=""> </span>These children may experience gagging and choking, which can lead to avoidance of foods in the future. <span style=""> </span>Swallowing large pieces of food can also lead to physical discomfort after meals.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Prematurity, allergies, aspiration, reflux, and other physical issues can all contribute to extreme food selectivity in children.<span style=""> </span>Many children, such as those with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), have difficulties processing and regulating input, including the taste and textures of a variety of foods. Sensory processing dysfunction (SPD) can cause a child to become squeamish just at the sight or smell of certain foods.<span style=""> </span>Some children will only tolerate foods with specific textures. Children with feeding aversions may eat chicken nuggets from a certain fast food restaurant but refuse chicken nuggets prepared at home.<span style=""> </span>It is puzzling and frustrating when children refuse to eat or have strong reactions just at the mere sight of a food that they don’t typically consume.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">One mother told me that her son’s feeding aversions made it difficult to go out to a restaurant or another family’s home for a meal.<span style=""> </span>His limited repertoire of accepted foods left his devoted mother trying to explain to others about her son’s strong reactions to smells and textures of foods.<span style=""> </span>She worried about his nutrition and was baffled by his refusal to try new foods. <span style=""> </span>She tried strategies that worked with other children, but her son seemed impervious to them all. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style=""> </span>When is it time to seek help for a picky eater?<span style=""> </span>One indication is when a child consistently refuses food or only eats a limited number of foods. For example, a child who eats no fruits or vegetables is missing entire food groups and may have difficulty getting adequate nutrition.<span style=""> </span>Some children do not drink enough fluids and are poorly hydrated.<span style=""> </span>A child with repeated respiratory infections may be at risk for aspiration, with food or liquid entering the lungs.<span style=""> </span>Over time, a child with feeding challenges may develop behavior problems related to eating such as crying and gagging when offered a meal or snack.<span style=""> </span>When eating problems are interfering with a child’s health and family activities, it can be helpful to consult with a feeding specialist or feeding team.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">A feeding team consists of a group of professionals with expertise in the various aspects of feeding and nutrition.<span style=""> </span>It may include some or all of the following:<span style=""> </span>primary care physician, dietitian, gastroenterologist, psychologist, speech/language pathologist, and occupational therapist.<span style=""> </span>At a feeding clinic, the initial evaluation will gather information through parent interview and observation of the child when presented with a variety of foods and drinks.<span style=""> </span>These professionals work with the child and family to determine ways to meet nutritional needs and expand the child’s diet to include a greater variety of foods.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Feeding aversions and extreme picky eating are far more complicated than mere childhood whimsy.<span style=""> </span>Feeding problems can interfere with a child’s health and affects the entire family. <span style=""> </span>When every meal becomes an ordeal, there’s a problem.<span style=""> </span>Treatment usually progresses slowly, but over time feeding aversions can be lessened, diet expanded, and health improved.<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span></p>HUMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13165418904963774273noreply@blogger.com0