Heads Up!

Say What You Mean

2008-07-19T11:40:00.002-04:00

Once more, I have an amusing auditory processing moment to share. My son Josh, asked me if we had any ice cream in our downstairs freezer. I told him we had some mint chocolate chip down there, and was surprised to see the puzzled expression on his face since that's one of his favorite flavors. Then a few seconds later he broke into a grin as he told me, "It sounded like you said "Cement Chocolate Chip" and I was wondering what ingredient would be so hard that it would be like cement. Then I figured out what you were really saying. So, can I have it all, Mom?"

Bitterness

2008-07-17T19:38:00.002-04:00

Bitterness. It is so easy to feel it and so hard to rid yourself of it. I guess like many things, it's better if you can prevent it than to try to eliminate it once it's there. When you have a child who struggles, you have a greater likelihood of being rejected or misunderstood as a parent. Besides that, if you are like many of us, you also feel your child's hurts as if they are personally happening to you. In a real way, we are rejected when our children are, because we cannot fully separate ourselves from who they are - and I'm not sure we should as long as they need us to advocate for them. When a child acts differently from the norm, or in ways that are interpreted in a negative light, it is a near certainty that sooner or later we will get unsolicited advice from relatives, friends, and even strangers. Sometimes we are just given "the look" of disapproval, and that can be as painful as spoken words. The reality is, not everyone can understand your individual situation. Some people take one look at us and decide they don't even want to understand us. Here's the rub: if you let those looks and comments get under your skin it will be hard not to become bitter and resentful, and as a result you will be less effective with your child and will feel less contented than if you can rid yourself of bitterness. I've been working on this area a long time in my own life, and the most helpful thing I've found is to choose to believe that the person making the comment is genuinely trying to be helpful. Often, they have no clue as to what I've already tried, etc. but I let them off the hook in my mind. I pray a prayer of gratitude for them that they don't have to deal with the struggles I do, and then I let them go and let the judgmental comments and poor advice slide right on by.

Burning Rings of Fire

2008-06-27T14:41:00.003-04:00

I recently had a conversation with my son, Josh, who told me he was weary of people asking him where he attends college. When he tells them that he is not in college but works full time, they look at him expectantly and ask, "But you're going to go to college, right?" Josh goes on to explain that he has taken several college classes, but with his various learning challenges it has been much harder and more time consuming for him than it is for most people. Given that experience, he does not want to take more classes until he is sure of what he wants to do so that he can make every bit of effort count toward a goal. The people who are talking to Josh share the expectation that bright, young adults who can go to college will go to college. Josh told me that for him, going to college seems like jumping through burning rings of fire to get a little piece of paper at the other end. Stop and think about that for a minute. If you know something is going to be that difficult and potentially painful, you think long and hard about whether it's what you really want before you go forward. Furthermore, you consider other options and devise strategies that increase the likelihood you will succeed. Josh is doing exactly that as he works, writes science fiction novels in his time off, and stays away from the burning rings of fire until he is sure he cannot attain his goals unless he moves through them. I think that's pretty good problem solving for a young man who knows himself and his strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps he will take more college classes someday, but for now Josh is making the decision to put that on hold and develop himself in other ways. A lot of people would benefit from taking such a thoughtful approach to why they do what they do, and to what end.
HUMom

An Honorable Man

2008-05-06T09:44:00.003-04:00

Last week a local businessman passed away after a short battle with cancer. John McConnell, or "Mr. Mac" as he was known to anyone with more than a passing acquaintance, was one of those special people whom, it would seem, cannot come into contact with another human being without touching their lives in some way. For me, his lasting legacy was bringing an NHL club to Columbus. The cynic will say that it was a shrewd business decision and his investment has gone up in value. But Mr. Mac knew next to nothing of hockey, except that there were many sports fans in his city without a professional team for which to root. Since entering the league, the Blue Jackets have suffered seven consecutive losing seasons. The 2007-8 season was the best, when the Blue Jackets finished 11 points out of the playoffs, but were competitive right up to the last few weeks of the season.
While I may quibble a bit with the theological implications of the above quote (I believe that God and my relationship with Him is what truly defines me), Mr. Mac's philosophy is a fine and admirable one to practically direct one's life.
Mr Mac was a fine, honorable, caring, respectful man who lived a life of integrity and sacrifice for his fellow man. He will be missed.

We are still alive; Hard times

2008-04-06T07:40:00.005-04:00

Sorry for the long delay between posts.

Last month we had an interesting experience. A longtime friend who is very well known among homeschoolers as well as the special needs community emailed us. She was scheduled to speak at a conference in Illinois, but her health just wasn't good enough to allow her a long drive and then the exertion of presenting workshops. So she was looking to find someone to fill in for her. HUMom accepted. Then we found out that she would be doing six workshops over two days. So......

HUMom learned the material from audio and video recordings, edited the handouts and I modified PowerPoint files. For six, one-hour presentations. In two weeks. In short, this was a rather stressful time. Yikes!

All went well, and actually we had a very pleasant weekend. The most difficult part was that there was so much information that HUMom could have probably presented twice as long and still not gotten through everything. Our friend has over 30 years experience with special needs children and has written dozens of books and curriculum. Her name is Joyce Herzog and if you have never run into her or seen her work, I would urge you to look her up at www.JoyceHerzog.info. She is a wonderful lady, with a huge heart for kids who learn differently.

The point of this post is that sometimes we are put in situations that are overwhelming and seem much more than we can endure. The demands and the difficult circumstances are just beyond us and we cannot win. I'd like to say that we will all overcome and have success, but that just isn't true. I do want to say that sometimes we need to look from a new angle or point of view to see what is going on. What if your definition of "success" is only one of many? Outcomes that are not what we wanted or desired can still be useful to help us learn about ourselves or life. Or they can serve to strengthen us or teach us endurance.

I have a few heros in life. One was Lou Gerhig. The epitome of consistent, reliable excellence. Until Cal Ripkin broke his consecutive game streak, Lou held the record for most games played without taking a single day off. Not only that, but he was productive - many years leading the league in RBIs, homeruns, etc. If it weren't for a fellow named Babe Ruth, Gehrig would have been known as the most prolific hitter of his time. Lou was struck down in the prime of life by ALS, which has come to be called "Lou Gehrig Disease."

Another hero is Brett Favre and here is the point for all my ramblings. Brett is another Ironman, with the most consecutive starts by an NFL quarterback. He recently retired after 17 year career. Sports Illustrated interviewed him in 2007 when they named him Sportsman of the Year.

"Ask Favre for his own favorite memory, and he is quiet for a moment. "I've got so many plays running through my mind," he says, finally. "The funny thing is, it's not only about the touchdowns and the big victories. If I were to make a list, I would include the interceptions, the sacks, the really painful losses. Those times when I've been down, when I've been kicked around, I hold on to those. In a way those are the best times I've ever had, because that's when I've found out who I am. And what I want to be."

Working with special needs children is not glamorous. Often it is not pleasant. Most times it is exceptionally difficult. But, in teaching them, you just may find out who you are. And what you want to be.

Home again.

2007-11-18T23:31:00.000-05:00

Well, we are finally done with the convention season. Back from Washington, DC from the Children and Adults with ADD (CHADD) conference. On the way there, we blew out a tire on the trailer and had to jack up the trailer, take the tire and find someplace that had a replacement. We ended up in a Washington, PA WalMart. Thank goodness for cellphones, AAA and WalMart.

As usual, I knew that the tires were getting worn, and that I needed to replace them, but life always seemed to be too busy and other things got in the way. And I forgot. And I procrastinated.

And I paid the price.

Luckily no one was hurt, and it just pushed our time-table back a few hours. God is good, and we are thankful to Him for keeping us safe.

Melinda was able to attend many workshops and gained a lot of new and useful information. We exhibited some of our products, met many new friends, and got reacquainted with many old friends. Overall it was a good time. Beckie was the only child with us, and she had an upset stomach part of the time, but she was a trooper and a good sport.

On Saturday night, we took a "Monuments by Moonlight" tour and saw many of the memorials in our Nation's capital. It was about a four hour tour, but I think you could spend several times that long and still not see everything.

But we are still very glad to be home. Exhausted and ready for some rest.

Special Needs Homeschooling – Memory Difficulties

2007-11-18T22:36:00.001-05:00

All children forget things they’ve heard now and then, but for some children forgetfulness happens frequently and is problematic. Parents of the chronically forgetful are faced with the difficult task of trying to determine if their child is genuinely not retaining information or is being willfully non-compliant.

One way to determine if memory issues are causing difficulties is to check in with the child is to see if she can repeat back what you just told her to do. A child who only remembers one out of three directions will not be able to comply with completing all three. Sometimes a child with working memory difficulties can repeat back what they’ve heard immediately, but the information is not retained long enough for them to act on it before it is forgotten. When memory issues are causing difficulties, there are a number of strategies to improve retention and compensate for weaknesses.

One way to help those who have trouble remembering things is to develop routines that can become habits. For example, if you want your child to do the same three things every morning, have him perform the activities in the same order and in the same location each day. Once there has been enough repetition to form a habit, the child no longer has to work to remember the three morning chores.

Some children remember sequences and lists better when using music as an auditory prompt and reminder. Try making up songs that incorporate the task you want your child to complete. Generate your own song or use a familiar tune and change the words to fit the activity.

Songs allow for repetition, which helps with memory and can aid your child in sticking with an activity for an adequate amount of time. For instance, you could sing a song about washing hands to help your child remember all the steps involved and to keep them washing long enough to get clean. They can learn a tooth brushing song and sing it in their minds to keep them brushing and remembering to brush the top and bottom teeth on both sides.

Another strategy to facilitate memory is to use visual cues in addition to the auditory directions given to a child. For young children or those with language delays, use gestures along with your verbal directions. If you need to remind your child to put his coat in the closet, point to the coat and then to the closet as you tell him to pick up the coat and hang it where it belongs.

When a child has difficulty remembering routine daily activities try using pictures, charts, and lists that can serve as constant visual reminders. This will relieve some of the burden on auditory or working memory alone. Post the charts or checklists where the child can see them at the time and place they are needed to complete the tasks. This will also help the child to be consistently reminded through visual cues without the parent needing to frequently prompt and repeat what needs to be done.

For activities that are not part of a routine, the child needs to develop strategies using internal cues to help retain the information long enough to complete tasks. For some children, repeating the directions to themselves over and over until the job is done may be effective. For example, the child who is likely to forget what he was sent upstairs to retrieve might prompt himself by repeating, “Go to the bedroom. Bring back the history book.”

My own children benefited greatly by applying the “make a movie” technique. Before I’d give them a direction, I’d instruct them to “make a movie in your mind” about what I was telling them to do. Then I would tell them step-by-step what I wanted them to do. I’d ask them to picture themselves completing the task and encouraged them to imagine themselves following the directions to completion.

The more color, detail, and even humor that was included in their movies, the easier it was for them to remember what they needed to accomplish. I’d tell them to push the “play” button and then send them off to do the errand with a reminder that if they forgot what they needed to do they could replay the movie in their minds and see if that helped them remember.

Memory challenges can be frustrating for parents and children alike. By incorporating strategies into daily activities, children can begin to develop skills and learn to compensate for their memory difficulties. It’s never too early or too late to work on improving memory.

Homeschooling? Buy yourself flowers!

2007-08-21T10:31:00.000-04:00

With all the commercials and advertisements for "back to school", it's easy to see the portrayal of relief as parents send their children back to school. For those of us who homeschool, this time of year means getting back to work. Most homeschoolers take the summer off or do a lighter schedule during traditional school break times, so the end of summer means it's time to kick it up a notch again. There are notification forms to fill out and turn in, curriculum to prepare, and school supplies to buy or locate. Homeschoolers, it can seem as if everyone else is sighing with relief that school is starting while for you the work is about to increase. Don't buy in to those feelings of dread! We homeschool for a variety of reasons, and it's good to review them before diving into a new school year. Why did we decide to homeschool? What were those benefits again? Keep these foremost in your mind and you will find renewed enthusiasm for the tasks ahead. I started a tradition years ago that I'd like to share with you. The first day of school each year, I do a shorter school day to ease us all back into the routine. After we've finished the day's assignments, I go to a flower store and buy myself some fresh flowers. I pick out a card (okay, sometimes I pick out a sympathy card because let's face it - homeschooling is hard work!) and I have my children sign it. Then I set the flowers and card on the dining room table for all to enjoy...until the cats knock the vase over.

Pillow case, anyone?

2007-08-20T19:36:00.000-04:00

My son, Josh, and my daughter, Beckie, both have been diagnosed with an auditory processing disorder. If you've ever mistaken the words "truck sale" for "drug sale", for example, you'll have an inkling of what it's like for them. Pairing visual cues along with auditory directions is helpful, but sometimes I forget to do that. A few weeks ago we were rushing around getting ready to go to a conference. As I was taking my mental inventory of things I needed to take with me, I realized that I'd left my medication upstairs in my bedroom and would need to take a dose while we were still at the conference. So, as Josh was heading upstairs I asked him to grab my purple pill case from my bedroom so we could take it with us. He answered with his usual, "Sure, Mom" and headed upstairs. He was gone for several minutes, and when he finally came back downstairs he approached me with a baffled look on his face. He was holding up a pillow case and said, "I hope this is what you wanted because it's the only pillow case I could find. I don't know if it's purple or not." Josh's color blindness aside, I'm sure my face mirrored his bewilderment back to him until I realized that he had heard "pill case" as "pillow case" and had done his best to comply. You gotta love a guy who will unquestioningly hunt down a pillow case, no questions asked.

Ginger Ale and Latin

2007-08-08T15:53:00.000-04:00

My son Josh has difficulty remembering things. Once he's gotten information into his long-term memory, it's there to stay. It's hard to make the transfer before the information evaporates. We laugh about some of the things he does remember, which appear to be random snippets of his various life experiences. Once he surprised me by instantly translating the words when I was reading a quote in Latin. He remembered that the Latin phrase for "Death to tyrants!" was shouted at President Lincoln's assassination just before John Wilkes Booth jumped to the stage. Not only did Josh have the receptive understanding, he was able to say it out loud without struggling to recall a single word. He had heard it one time during a documentary his father was listening to on a car trip. Another time we were talking about the time he and his Dad went on a camping trip with a group of friends. At one point during the weekend Josh wanted to get something out of our van and inadvertently locked the keys inside. Since they were in a different state than I was, I could not provide the spare set of keys so they had to call an auto service to unlock the doors. As we recalled the incident together, Josh remarked that he drank a can of ginger ale while waiting for help to arrive. There are times when he can't remember what errand his Dad asked him to do before going to work, but he remembers drinking that ginger ale clearly. Isn't memory fascinating?

I'll prioritize that...later!

2007-07-23T09:52:00.000-04:00

Sometimes there are so many things to do that it's hard to figure out where to start. This is true whether you are organizationally challenged or not. It's easy to become overwhelmed when faced with a long to-do list. I've noticed that the naturally disorganized members of my family have a hard time with the executive functions of initiating and prioritizing, and often they start with less important things that are easier and will take less time to get done. Unfortunately, that often means that pressing matters wait while non-critical items get done first. I have tried to help my son Josh with prioritizing by reviewing his to-do lists, putting stars by the most important items or high-lighting them. (Some of you know that Josh is color blind, but he can still see differences in color contrasts.) I've discussed with him the items that are on a deadline to be completed, and the items that can wait a little longer though hopefully not indefinitely. After one such heart-to-heart chat with Josh, he pensively nodded his head before replying, "Okay, Mom. I'll prioritize that later." Aaarrgh! At least Josh realized the contradiction and gave me one of his famous "maybe being cute will be enough this time" grins as a reward for my fruitless efforts!

Literally!

2007-07-20T10:25:00.000-04:00

Josh tends to take things very literally. As a speech therapist, I have worked with him over the years to help him recognize and understands figures of speech, proverbial statements, metaphors, and to make inferences from what he hears and reads. He has gotten better, although he still tends to take things literally unless it is a familiar phrase or concept. He has also progressed in his problem solving skills, using logic and past experience as a guide.
I am usually glad to see him try to reason things out on his own, but once when I wanted him to follow a direction literally he went in another direction. I had found a recipe for making omelets in a zip-loc bag. It was recommended for families because each member could put the ingredients they preferred into a zip-loc bag and then boil the bags until the omelet was cooked. Then each person could have an omelet exactly as he or she liked it, and it could slide from the bag onto a plate for serving. This sounded like a good idea to me, so I decided to try it out. I mixed up an omelet, put it in a zip-loc bag, and put on a large pot of water to boil. A few minutes later as I worked in another room, I called to Josh in the kitchen to see if the water was boiling. He said it was, so I asked him, "Would you please put the zip-loc bag into the water for me?" His reply was the usual, "Sure!" About five minutes later, I went to check on my omelet, and to my dismay I saw that the bag had leaked and there were rivulets of egg and other ingredients floating around like some sort of disgusting soup. Then I realized that the bag was not leaking...there was no bag! Josh had opened it up and dumped everything in the water. He remembered me saying to put the bag in the water, but that didn't make sense to him and I had never asked him to boil anything in a bag before. So, he reasoned that I must really mean to empty the bag's contents into the pot. For future reference, I encouraged him to ask for clarification if I was giving him a direction that didn't make sense to him.
More recently, I handed Josh a jar of salsa, a bowl for the salsa, a bag of chips, and a bowl for the chips. I asked him to put the salsa in its bowl and put the bag of chips into the other bowl. He said the usual, "Sure" and proceeded to put the salsa into the bowl. I continued on with other things and Josh finished what he was doing and wandered off to play on the computer. I had to laugh when I saw a full, unopened bag of tortilla chips inside a large bowl. I showed it to Josh and asked if that was really his idea of putting the chips in the bowl. He grinned sheepishly and said he just "spaced out" on that one. I am choosing to believe that's the truth.

Do You Have A Napkin?

2007-07-18T10:03:00.000-04:00

While riding in the car with Beckie the other day, she called to me from the back seat asking if I had a napkin. I tend to keep a supply of napkins handy, and I was happy she had thought to ask for one instead of just wiping her hands on the upholstery or ignoring a spill in hopes that it would dry without Mom ever noticing it. But Beckie's next question took me by surprise, because as soon as I handed her a napkin she asked if I had a pen or pencil. As it turned out, she wanted the napkin so she could write down a friend's phone number before she forgot it. But a napkin? My first thought would have been to ask for a piece of paper to write something down on. This got me thinking about the way the AD/HD mind works. Scott, my husband, has been writing things down on napkins, receipts, paper menus, envelopes, and scraps of papers ever since I first met him. Our son, Josh, is also a napkin writer. And now Beckie has joined in the practice. The problem is, this system doesn't really work. Napkins and scraps of paper get thrown out. If I notice writing on them, I save them, but often the writer no longer remembers whose phone number is written down. So we have torn off corners of paper with lonely phone numbers lacking owners, but can't throw them out on the chance that the writer will somehow recollect the significance of the number sometime in the future. Since the scraps are often small and irregular in size, there is no good way to store them and make them look neat. I think Post-it notes would be much better to use, or even better than that would be the small spiral bound notebooks that are portable and would prevent the loss of loose napkins or torn off envelope flaps. Each of my AD/HD family members has been provided with these tools, yet each persists in napkin/scraps of paper writing despite frequently not being able to access the information at a later date. My non-AD/HD daughter doesn't napkin write, so I suspect it has something to do with the way the AD/HD brain approaches tasks. Are there other napkin writers out there?

Home at Last!

2007-06-14T08:23:00.000-04:00

Wow! What a rush!
Last weekend was the first that we had spent at home for six weeks. Beginning in late April, all through May and the first weekend of June we were exhibiting at homeschool conventions.
We traveled to Indiana, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Florida and New Jersey. I estimate that we drove around 5,000 miles. We met lots of great people for the first time, and saw some old friends. I wish we had many, many more hours to speak with you folks. It is quite a rush to teach, learn, encourage and generally share life with people who are going through the same struggles and challenges. It is draining, but well worth it. I hope we helped many of you.

In talking with hundreds of people who are grappling with special needs challenges, there is one thing that I find most common. Everyone at some point (and often it is after a six hour session trying to teach a 30 minute math lesson) asks themselves "Am I really up to this? Wouldn't Josh be better off in public school where they are trained to handle this?" The answer is always: Yes, you are up to it and no, he wouldn't be better off. Even if you are not officially homeschooling, the fact of the matter is that you will still be homeschooling. Let me explain.
The public schools are by definition and necessity designed to serve the masses. Their weakest point is when they have to specialize or accomodate for people who learn differently or have learning disabilities. If you child falls into this catagory, he/she will get the standard issue education- whether or not it is a good fit for their needs. If they are to succeed, you as the parent will have to complete their schooling at home. Thus you will still be homeschooling.

Strengths of homeschooling are: teacher-to-student ratio (tough to beat 1-to-1),
self-paced & independent study,
wide choice of methods & curriculum,
better, personalized learning environment.

So be encouraged and be reassured.
It is frustrating.
It is exhausting.
It is also the very best thing you can do for your child.

A Way With Words

2007-04-26T17:12:00.000-04:00

Well, standardized testing time is here again and I just got Beckie's test results back. Her highest score was for language expression, which should come as a surprise to no one who knows her. I suspect this may help explain why you can't win an argument with Beckie. She always has an answer, even if her answer is incorrect. She is never at a loss for words, and has a driving need to get the last word in during any discussion if she is comfortable with her conversation partner. If she is not at ease, she may let the verbal discussion come to an end, but I'm sure she finishes it in her head so she's still getting the final say. She is continually expanding her vocabulary by impulsively blurting something out, and then asking what a word she just used actually means. I can usually tell if it's a word she's picked up by reading, because the pronunciation is off. But Beckie also has an ear for hearing subtle nuances, and once she's heard a word a few times she's got the pronunciation down. We've started learning Spanish, and I've been impressed with how easily Beckie is producing the words. So this is what happens with the kids who were always non-stop talkers as they become teens? Not a bad outcome at all.

Communication

2007-03-02T08:18:00.000-05:00

Everyone in my family is a native English speaker, so you'd think we'd be able to communicate with each other with ease. After all, we speak the same language, right? I don't know if this is AD/HD related, sensory processing related, or something else, but my two children with AD/HD seem to express themselves differently than my neurotypical child. This shows up most clearly when they are feeling sick. I'll ask my neurotypical child what her symptoms are, and get a precise description that's almost cellular in detail. I'll ask my AD/HD children what their symptoms are, and I'll get vague descriptions that confuse me. They can be tired, but not sleepy. Their stomachs can be queasy, but not upset. Words that most people use as synonyms have very distinct differences to them. When they do describe symptoms in ways I understand, they still express them in unique ways. For example, when my son had strep throat, he didn't tell me his throat hurt very badly. He told me, after a thoughtful pause, that it felt like his uvula had been acided off. I don't think "acided" is even a word, but I got the picture. I usually end up going through a total body checklist with them when they appear sick, asking if they have symptoms in various areas until I can pull the information together to get an overall impression. None of my children have language delays or disorders, so their inability to just state the facts of their illnesses baffles me. Even when I think I have an idea of what they are experiencing, I've learned that the symptoms may change within a few hours. What started out as only an upset stomach can end up as a sore throat or aching leg muscle. I think it may be that the way they process sensory information, including their internal sensations, is atypical. They may have a vague awareness of symptoms for a while before they become severe enough to enter into their conscious thoughts, and it may take even longer to discriminate the exact location and severity of the sensations. Since I can't get into their bodies to experience what they are feeling, I will have to continue to try and translate their use of language into something recognizable so we can treat the symptoms - whatever they are!

Conference Schedule, 2007

2007-02-14T06:25:00.000-05:00

We will be running around like screaming banshees this year. Here is a listing of where we will be, and when. If you see a bedraggled and confused man, sitting on the ground, counting his fingers and mumbling to himself, please take pity on him and direct him to this list.
Also, if "SPEAKING" appears after the event Melinda will be presenting one or more of her workshops.

Indiana Association Home Educators (IAHE) - March 23-24, 2007 (Indianapolis, IN);
Indiana Homeschool Support (IHS) - March 31, 2007 (New Paris, IN);
Dayton Resource & Curriculum Fair (DRCF) - April 27, 2007 (Dayton, OH)- SPEAKING;
Information Network for Christian Homes (INCH) - May 4-5, 2007 (Lansing, MI);
Christian Homeschool Assoc. of PA (CHAP) - May 11-12, 2007 (Harrisburg, PA);
Fort Wayne Area Home Schools (FWAHS) - May 18-19, 2007 (Ft Wayne, IN);
Florida Parent-Educators Assoc. (FPEA) - May 24-26, 2007 (Orlando, FL);
Education Network of Christian Homeschoolers (ENOCH) - June 1-2, 2007 (Edison, NJ)- SPEAKING;
Christian Home Educators of Ohio (CHEO) - June 21-23, 2007 (Columbus, OH)- SPEAKING;
School Based Occupational Therapists & Physical Therapists - August, 2007;
Children and Adults with ADHD (CHADD) - November 1-10, 2007 (Crystal City, VA);

Potential planner at last!

2007-02-11T16:30:00.000-05:00

For most of his life, it seems my son Josh and I have been working together to find some organizational system that he will actually use. I personally love organizational tools, planners, and post-it notes. I am also naturally organized, and these materials fit in nicely with the way my brain works. Josh's brain operates very differently from the way mine does. We have had a much harder time finding anything that appeals to him. He is color blind, so although he sees differences in shades of color it is not as helpful to him to try and color code things. He tends to lose things, so smaller planners disappear like so many socks in the dryer. A wall calendar was somewhat useful, but since he couldn't carry it with him it didn't help him once he was out and about. He tried an audio recorder, but since he's a visual learner he had difficulty remembering to use it and then attending to listen to the recordings. And that's if he could find the recorder, since it was pretty small and may have joined the missing dryer socks by now. Josh picked out a nice planner a few years ago, and the first week we sat down together to write out appointments. It was downhill after that, with Josh either sure he could remember and therefore didn't need to write things down, or not having it with him when he needed it, or having it gone for a visit with the dryer socks... But every optimistic bone in my body is tingling now, because Josh himself discovered that the newest generation of the video gamer's friend, the Game Boy Lite DS, has a planner feature built in! Josh can record appointments, phone numbers, and reminder notes using a stylus that comes with the DS Lite. Unlike other things, Josh always knows where his Game Boy is, and keeps his newly purchased DS Lite in his coat pocket so he will always have something to do if he gets bored. I'm not worried about him losing this, and the potential for this to work for the way Josh's brain works is great.

Clean?

2007-02-11T16:10:00.000-05:00

My AD/HD family members like to spread out their belongings, and don't really seem to notice the stacks of clutter until my twitching is impossible to ignore. I realize that organizing and noticing details doesn't come naturally to them, so to simplify the tasks I sat down and wrote step by step directions for each room in the house. I listed what supplies are needed, where to find the supplies, what tasks should be done daily, which ones only need done weekly, and some jobs that could be done just as needed. I stood in each room, reading and revising the lists, until I was convinced that if each of the items on the list were completed the room would look reasonably clean. I slipped each list into a plastic sleeve, so the items could be marked off with a dry erase marker when completed. I put each sleeve on a ring, so it could be hung on a designated hook and easily located and replaced once a room was cleaned.
I still think it's a good idea, and it should have worked. Should have. It wasn't long before the excuses starting coming in - no dry erase marker could be found, the written list had gone missing and no one remembered moving it or seeing it, or my least favorite "The room looked pretty good already." Just yesterday, I asked my son Josh to please clean the kitchen since he had been assigned that room for the week. He started the dishwasher, then informed me he had to leave for work. Before I could say anything, he pointed out "But at least the sink is empty." A glance revealed dirty dishes in both sides of the sink, although there were fewer than before he started. I pointed out that the sink was not in fact empty, but Josh just cheerfully replied that at least it looked better than it had. Somehow my AD/HD ones equate "starting the dishwasher" with "I cleaned the kitchen now" even if the sink, counters, and floor are filthy. In their minds, the kitchen is clean and they are happy with it.
Reminders to use the list loop us back to the previously listed excuses. It puzzles me that they seem to like it when things are clean and they can find what they need when they need it, but they won't put forth the effort to maintain it even when I finally manage to get things truly clean.

organizational skills

2007-02-05T13:45:00.000-05:00

Someone wrote to me recently, asking how to help adults who have never developed good organizational skills. Lack of organization skills impacts every area of life, and can leave highly intelligent people at a disadvantage when they can't get their hands on what they need when they need it. Being brilliant won't matter much if appointments are missed or deadlines aren't met. An average person who is organized has an advantage over an average person who is disorganized. Life is complex and there is a plethora of information to keep track of, so as much as we may inwardly rebel against the constructs of organization, we must acknowledge the necessity for it. Here are some tips that my husband uses to help his naturally disorganized brain to keep track of important things. He makes as many daily tasks as possible a habit, done at the same time and the same way so he doesn't have to think about them and remember what to do next. It's just automatic. He leaves his keys on top of things he needs to take with him later, even if that means leaving his keys in odd places like the refrigerator, because that way he knows he won't leave without the item he needs. He uses reminder alarms on his computer, thus freeing himself up from having to memorize dates and times and eliminating the problem inherent in writing notes on napkins and scraps of paper which inadvertently get thrown out by some organized person who thinks it's trash. He keeps a notepad and pencil handy when he has to sit still at church or some other meeting, because wouldn't you know that's when his brain tends to think of things and he can write them down before the ideas are lost. He has used audio recording devices, which I highly recommend for use in the car. That's much safer than trying to write things down while driving or at a traffic light. The problem we had with that was that the device got lost before a habit of keeping it in a designated spot was established. Despite that, it's still a good strategy. Just start out with an inexpensive model first!

Pacing Your Work

2006-12-29T09:50:00.000-05:00

Those with AD/HD are known for their impulsive actions and high energy. But there are also those who are excruciatingly slow for some tasks despite their hyperactivity in general. My son Josh, well-known to the homeschool groups I've spoken to, had no difficulty stretching a twenty minute math assignment to two hours. Even when he took a few college classes, one of his "two hour" finals took him over six hours, even in a quiet room with material he understood. He got a "B" in the class, but probably put in ten times the effort of the "A" students over the quarter. You can see why going to college full-time is out of the question for Josh. There aren't enough hours in the day for him to complete all the assignments at the rate he works. His work is of good quality but it takes him much longer to get results than his neurotypical peers. His keyboarding skills have also progressed, but not in a typical manner. After trying four or five different keyboarding programs, including one based on basketball, one on a favorite video game character, and one that is widely used to teach typing, Josh gave up and persisted with his hunt and peck method. He uses the index fingers on both hands, and his speed is not bad considering his unorthodox method. Since Josh is writing a science fiction novel, I asked him if he wanted to try some of the keyboarding programs again to help with his typing. His response was "I type at the speed I'm thinking, so what I do works just right for me." He has always had his own pace, and eventually gets done what he sets out to do. It doesn't match the pace that most others have, but it's a fit for how his brain works.

In her own time

2006-10-23T07:40:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, my youngest daughter tested for her black belt in karate. She is 13 years old and has been in martial arts classes since she was 4 years old. When she first started in karate class, the flourescent lighting, ceiling fans, wall of mirrors, parents chatting in the waiting area, and other children working on various skills around the room were overwhelmingly distracting for her. She was such a joyful child in everything she did that she just went with what her brain and body told her to do. Unfortunately for her instructor, that meant holding her pony tail up behind her head and twirling it as she watched herself dance in front of the mirrors, talking to herself or anyone who was near her the entire class time. It may sound cute, but it was disruptive and painful to watch sometimes. You know the looks you get from other parents when your child isn't conforming to the expectations. I got plenty of those looks. I talked to my daughter, and tried to coach her before and after class, and I let her continue taking lessons long after everyone else had surpassed her in belt after belt, while she seemed stuck on white with a stripe or two. Kids who started the same time she did moved up to other classes. Kids who started quite a while after she did moved up to more advanced classes. I sat there in the parent waiting area, watching my sweet, dancing, singing child enjoy herself but gain few skills. She just couldn't seem to grasp right vs. left. Her memory issues made it difficult for her to retain the sequences of movements for even the simplest kata routines. I thought maybe one day the belt would wear out and at least that way she'd get a new one. But she was enjoying classes and needed an outlet for all her energy, so we stuck it out with her. Over the next couple years, she grew and matured. And one day, things started to click. It was that sudden - I remember the day it happened. I looked at the instructor, he looked at me, and my girl wasn't looking at anyone because she had started focussing and remembering what to do. She could follow directions and understand the Japanese words she'd been hearing for years. The forward progress never stopped after that day. Finally, she was able to advance from belt to belt. She could stand still. She could go without talking for a sustained period of time. She became coordinated and strong. She is able to assist her instructor with some of the younger children's classes, and she seems good at it. Now she is a board-breaking black belt and would tell you it was worth the years of work to get there.

To tell, or not to tell...

2006-09-26T17:12:00.000-04:00

Making a decision about whether or not to try medication with your child is often an agonizing process. Once the decision is made, the results can lead you into discussions with a variety of people. Sometimes the effects are so amazing that your only regret is that you waited so long to give medication a try. At other times, the side effects are disappointing or it takes longer than you hoped to get the dosage right. It is only natural to want to talk about these things with your friends and family. The problem is, as soon as you let people know of your decision to medicate or not medicate, the unsolicited advice and commenting begins. Guess what? You are going to be judged no matter what you decide! If you go ahead and give medication a try, you will have people who are opposed to medication under any circumstance and look askance at you for "drugging" your child. If you decide that medication is not the best choice for you at this time, you will have people who are convinced you are cheating your child out of his best opportunity to function successfully by withholding medication. These decisions weigh so heavily and consume our thoughts that the tendency is to talk freely about them with just about anyone who is within hearing distance. It can come as a surprise that others hold such strong opinions about what you should or should not do with your child, and they may hold their positions vehemently. And you will always have people who believe you made the wrong choice. So should you tell others what you have decided about medication, knowing that you will be judged by some and supported by others? I'd say yes, but choose carefully to find safe people who will not blast away at you even if they disagree with the choice you've made. Share, absolutely. Just not indiscriminately.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Overdiagnosed?

2006-09-07T13:48:00.000-04:00

I've heard so many people say that AD/HD is overdiagnosed that I've lost count of the number. Most of these people do not have AD/HD themselves, nor do their children. Interestingly, when I looked up "overdiagnosed" on an online dictionary to confirm the correct spelling I found that all the links to this word were connected to AD/HD with ads for articles in the following categories:
Attention Deficit Treatment
Adult Deficit Disorder
Attention Deficit in Adults
Attention Deficit Syndrome
Attention Deficit Disorder

You can check this out yourself at this link:

It would appear that there is a common perception that AD/HD is overdiagnosed and children are being overmedicated today. Yet a recent study by a team of researchers at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, MO would suggest just the opposite. Their findings showed that almost half of the children who had a diagnosis of AD/HD are not receiving any medication as treatment. (Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, July 2006)
It is undeniable that the number of individuals being diagnosed has increased greatly over the past few decades. I think the increase reflects improvement in our awareness of the disorder and a recognition that in today's society the impact of having AD/HD is far more readily apparent than in the past. One great advancement, in my opinion, is the acknowledgement that AD/HD is not exclusively a disorder of childhood. Adults continue to experience the effects of their AD/HD, even though it is more likely to be manifested in unfinished projects, for example, than in the blatant hyperactivity sometimes shown in childhood. For those with primarily inattentive ADD, it is often a relief to be diagnosed even as an adult if the diagnosis was not made during the school years. It helps to explain so much, and points the way to figuring out treatment options. Even adults are sometimes helped by medication, and finding a good support group or ADD Coach can be life changing. Adults with AD/HD often have children who share the disorder, and these parents are eager to help their children to avoid some of the pitfalls they experienced as children.

So here's a new thought: What if AD/HD is actually being underdiagnosed?

Learning Curve

2006-08-05T12:09:00.000-04:00

If you have a child with learning challenges, you've probably wondered at times if they will ever master certain tasks. If learning is represented as a curved line, and the line curves more sharply with rapid learning, then slower learners are more accurately represented by a longer line with a gradual upward slope. Does it ever seem to you that your child's learning curve isn't actually curving at all but is more like a straight line extending to infinity? If so, you are not alone. I've observed it over and over with multiple learning tasks. My "neurotypical" child has a learning curve that looks pretty much like the majority of learning curves for the general population. My two special needs learners are more like bumpy lines with occasional spikes. Not stairsteps, not smooth upward curves, but jolts and spurts. I still haven't figured out what actually causes the spurts, or prevents them for that matter. What I can tell you is that they need a whole lot more repetition and practice than the average child does to master a skill. They also appear to finally "master" a skill only to have it mysteriously evaporate by the next day. Then it reappears again, not taking quite as long the second, third, and fourth time around. It's as if their neurological wiring shorts out, causing them to lose information that had been available to them only moments before. Yes, it's very frustrating - for me and for them. I don't know why that happens, but I know it is not uncommon among those with learning challenges. Frustration or not, it's what we have to deal with and we press on until another spike in learning occurs. Some of you may be visualizing large increases as are sometimes shown on charts in business meetings. The spikes I'm seeing are much smaller. Distinguishable from the bumpy line, but not huge upward thrusts like some people experience when they have a breakthrough. Yet I rejoice in the seemingly little jolts of learning for my children, because I know that eventually those small increases will accumulate and the skills will be successfully incorporated beyond the point that they could evaporate. They will still continue to learn in a manner similar to a bumpy line, but now that line is just a little higher. And if you look really closely along that line, you just might see a tiny slope emerging.